July 21, 2002

Saddam fights back!

"My heroic, democratic and peace-loving Iraqi brothers - it's time for a
'regime change' in Washington!"

By ERIC MARGOLIS -- Contributing Foreign Editor, Toronto Sun.

  American President George Bush has been demanding a "regime change" in
"evil" Iraq, which he plans to invade. Saddam Hussein's possible reply,
from Baghdad:

"My fellow Iraqis, it's time for a 'regime change' in the United States.
President George W. Bush must go!

"Bush is a danger to Americans, and to the whole globe. America has
become a 'rogue state' that threatens world peace and stability. Oh, my
brothers, America is the nexus of evil!

"I have just ordered our intelligence services to help Americans
overthrow Bush and his evil clique. We are giving military training and
cash to the Hells Angels, Louis Farrakhan's Nation of Islam, and the
Michigan Militia. I've ordered our fearless agents to kidnap Bush and
bring him to Baghdad. If he resists, they are authorized to shoot -
in 'self-defense.'

"Defectors from America report the U.S. is the grandfather of weapons of
mass destruction: over 8,000 nuclear weapons, 31,200 tons of chemical
weapons, and enough biological warfare agents such as anthrax, botulism,
plague, Q-fever, and rap music to wipe out the globe twice. The U.S. is
the only nation to actually have used atomic weapons, killing 240,000
civilians, and it is thinking about using them again.

"Israel, which keeps threatening nuclear attacks on us and our Iranian
brothers, developed its secret nuclear and biowarfare programs with
covert American aid. So did Britain, France and India. America is a
major proliferator of nuclear technology. Back in the 1980s, when we
were still America's ally, the U.S. supplied us with the very chemical
weapons and germ warfare stocks it howls about today.

"Speaking of biowarfare, we all know how in 1991 the U.S. destroyed our
dams, reservoirs, water pumping stations, filtration plants and sewage
systems in the Mother of all Battles. After the war, the U.S. refused to
allow us to import materials to repair our destroyed sanitary systems -
even banning chlorine to purify our water. The ensuing epidemics killed
a million of our children.

"The U.S. refuses to allow inspection of its nuclear, chemical, or
biological warfare arsenals, or to destroy the nuclear warheads it now
possesses. Without inspection and destruction of America's weapons of
mass destruction, the world cannot be safe. Who knows, the U.S. might
strike at any nation that displeases it!

"Just last week, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell warned Washington
'reserves the right' to overthrow all regimes it considers a danger. The
U.S. is developing new 'mini-nukes' called 'Arab busters' for use
against Third World nations. Who's next?

"As for terrorism, we suspect the United States had links to Osama bin
Laden and his terrorists. After all, didn't the U.S. finance most of
the militant Islamic groups? The U.S. has sponsored terrorist groups
here in Iraq and in Iran, Libya, Cuba, El Salvador, Congo, Nicaragua,
Angola, Sudan and Indonesia. The U.S. tried to assassinate Egypt's
president, Gamal Abdel Nasser, Iran's Islamic leadership, that crazy
Khadafy in Libya, Gen. Adid in Somalia and, last, but not least, my
humble self. Our prisons are full of U.S.-sponsored terrorists who
sought to overthrow our glorious revolutionary regime and murder its
heroic leaders.

"Now, a crazy cabal of petro-imperialists, Israeli agents of influence,
fanatical Christian fundamentalists, Pentagon warmongers and Bush's pit
bull poodle, Tony Blair, are plotting to invade beautiful Iraq. Then
they plan to take their anti-Muslim crusade to Iran, Syria, Yemen,
Libya, Lebanon - and any other nations that refuse to kiss America's
feet. Bush's Texas imperialists are determined to turn the world into a
U.S. version of the British Empire.

"The people in the Pentagon pulling Bush's strings know our beloved Iraq
has the Mideast's second largest oil reserves after Saudi Arabia -
perhaps the biggest, only Allah knows. Oil will soon be in very short
supply worldwide. Even George Bush Jr., of Texas baseball, can
understand this. America wants our oil. Watch out, Canada - your water
may be next.

"I'm also deeply concerned about the welfare of America's suffering
people. Their stock markets, accountant firms, brokerage houses and
investment banks were run by super-crooks who make Ali Baba's 40 thieves
look like simple melon merchants. Some of Bush's pals defrauded
America's workers of their life savings, stole their pensions, and may
yet cause a world financial crisis. In Iraq, such criminals would be
shot and their families billed for the bullets.

'The Mother of all Lies'

"Now, after wrecking America's economy, the war party in Washington is
whipping up hysteria by fabricating tales claiming we intend to attack
America with all sorts of nefarious weapons. This is the Mother of all
Lies. We were proctologically inspected for seven years by an army of UN
'experts,' many of whom turned out to be spies. All - well, most,
anyway - of our chemicals and germs supplied by the U.S. and Britain
are either destroyed or have become inert.

"President Bush is up to his ears in business scandals. November
elections are approaching. Remember that naughty girl, Monica Lewinsky,
who fired Bill Clinton's Scud missile? Clinton diverted attention by
bombing us. The Bush White House is trying the same old trick, but on a
grand scale.

"My heroic, democratic and peace-loving Iraqi brothers - it's time for
a 'regime change' in Washington!"

Eric can be reached by e-mail at [log in to unmask]

[PS: I said "attachment," in my reply to "Chomsky sucks," of course I
meant "link." Either way, my suspicions of a virus remain]