Unique English Signs

(a) In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your
bags and send them in all directions.
(b) In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels
please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please
not to read notis.
(c) In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for
the next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.
(d) In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards,
and only when lit up.
(e) In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push
button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more
persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
(f) In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at
the front desk.
(g) In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain
at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
(h) In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery
where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and
writers are buried daily except Thursday.
(i) In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to
perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
(j) On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you
nothing to hope for.
(k) On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make;
limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a
finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in
the country people's fashion.
(l) In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit.
Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict
rotation.
(m) In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of
entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it
is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
(n) In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth
extracted by the latest Methodists.
(o) In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our
horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
(p) Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you
like to ride on your own ass?
(q) In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice
cream.
(r) On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your
first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
(s) In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested
not to have children in the bar.
(t) In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If
you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
(u) In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed
all the water served here.
(v) From a Japanese info. booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition
of warm in your room, please control yourself.
(w) From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When
passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage then tootle him with vigor.
(x) Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well
talking. - Here speeching American.

    Paolo Castellina, v.d.m.
    CH-7604 Borgonovo (Switzerland)
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    http://www.poboxes.com/pcastellina
    http://www.naz.com/personal/interlng