This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman.  The
human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company.  After
reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst. What
do you think?


THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!!

© R&R Productions,
"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People at
Their Worst", McGraw Hill.


Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that what
they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme, and
therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or
thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people.

THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’:
Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ others
appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too
long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior becomes
more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the
Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All.


THE TANK
On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right over
you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet the
irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. In
an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank behavior
ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression.

THE SNIPER
A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their satisfaction,
the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation.
Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use to
their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at times
when you are most vulnerable.

THE KNOW-IT-ALL
The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation
with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding
flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know
-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn down
quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up.

_________________________________________________________________________



THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’:
Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’
everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To add
insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly
fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When
sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly
pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person, and
the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior.



THE WHINER
In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless to
create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around what
can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the feeling
of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as
evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine:
“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course,
serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating situation
provokes further whining.

NO PERSON
Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in the
face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless. Certain
that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about
letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't work
then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you
different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause."
This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of despair.

NOTHING PERSON
When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, some
people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may be
one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: “Fine!
Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From that
point on, they do and say...Nothing.



THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS:
Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with
people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take
reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes
increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The
three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes and
Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person.



THE NOTHING PERSON
Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels at
tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say
anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. This,
in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting
someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a
perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person
can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really ‘Get
Along’ with anyone.

THE YES PERSON
Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please everyone
else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually thinking
about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow
through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and to
the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over
promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or
she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where the
promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because all
their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This
produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and
can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.

THE MAYBE PERSON
The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the
wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who would
be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge until
someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the
other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is
intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the
Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others.




THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE:
Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ from
people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the
reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be taken
personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct proportion
to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly
aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting
behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are the
Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All.



GRENADE BEHAVIOR
They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any
respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening.
Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody
around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# I
don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for me!
KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since
this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the Grenade
is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1

THE FRIENDLY SNIPER
This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of
attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an
exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping.
Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of offending,
a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the receiving
end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be
laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the
inside.

THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR
The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths,
jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and
enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and mislead
an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue with
them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back
down till you look as foolish as they do.




TO SUMMARIZE:
* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is
thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls.

* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ is
thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing people.

* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ is
thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing
people.

* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get
Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades,
Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers.

As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people
can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted,
you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be surprised,
since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who hasn’t
whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their
true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly accused
or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult
people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or
recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that these
behaviors are observable and changeable.

The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s
perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they think
is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based on
your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome,
either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with people
at their worst is, in large measure, up to you.

The Lens of Understanding...


Posted by Essa.

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