Thanks brother Alieu you said it all. I hope our sisters would read this with an open mind.before they jump to any condemnation.
Cheers
Mbye Sey
"Alieu S.K Cham" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
Thanks to all of you for your interesting contributions on this very important issue. I'm Alieu Cham, a Gambian national living in Oslo. I agree with Alieu Jawara that polygamy is not synonymous with sexual infidelity. I wander who made this analogy between the two. It sounds to me like a Westerner assessing the norms, believes and practices of non-Western societies. The act of Marrying may be universal but the institution of marriage is contextual, or situated if you like. In other words, marriage has to be understood within the context in which it is contracted between two people. What it means being someones wife/husband is defined by the society in which the marriage takes place. My point is that anybody saying that polygamy is equal to sexual infidelity, in my view, lacks the basic understanding that the very notion of infidelity is problematic. This is so because fidelity/infidelity has to do with moral and, what constitutes good/bad moral is directly linked to
society/community or religion. So I think this analogy is overly simplistic.
Now to the issue at hand. I think Alieu Jawara supports polygamy primarily because it is " allowed by the holy Qur'an, the primary source of muslim belief". I have to say here that i am myself a believer in the Muslim faith. However i oppose polygamy as it is ACTUALLY being practised. Jawara argued that several of Allah's prophets "who are absolutely perfect creatures" have lived polygamous lives. This brings me to the core of my objection to polygamy as it is being practised. It might have been easy for those "absolutely perfect" men of God to live polygamous lives. However it doesn't follow from this that it should be easy for OSS, the ordinary and imperfect people. It is the case that to marry more than one wife, one has to be PERFECTLY fair, in the broadest term, between the wives. This is certainly not any challenge for an absolutely perfect person but what about the millions of people around the world who are practising polygamy - can they treat their wives equally, love them
equally, care for them equally, listen to them equally......etc. I don't think so! I really don't think so! It cannot be helpful for any woman to be married to a man who brings her home only to make her secondary to the other wife(ves). I just want to give women the benefit of the doubt! I am anti-polygamy, if i may put it that way, simply because i cannot divide my love into several parts, let alone several EQUAL parts. My opinion on whether polygamy should be made unlawful or not is that it should not. That may not be necessary. Society has more urgent matters to attend to. My hope is that more and more women will become aware of the fact that they can say no to a man who is already married. Just as men do not have to marry more than one wife, women do NOT have to marry to anyone who is already married.
With an increased awareness, i think polygamy with disappear without any intervention by law makers. For all of you out there who favour a ban (by law) on polygamy, i just want to say that the best way out for deep rooted practices such as polygamy, female circumcision etc is for the people themselves to be convinced that the practice may infact be problematic. This conviction will provoke a reflection on the matter - and i believe that a reflection on polygamy will show that it can, and infact, should be abandoned (not banned by law). The practice of polygamy can conveniently be abandoned. This won't necessary conflict with the qur'an.
On the issue of prenuptial agreements, i hold the view that that is utterly ridiculous. If my lady has to have my signature on paper, get it verified by a lawyer, approved by the court etc to believe my words, then i wander where we get with the relationship. Certain things has to be agreed upon by matured people based solely on trust. This is particularly true when we talk about a couple just about to marry. The very concept of marriage rests firmly on mutual trust between the parties. Afterall what good can come out of a prenuptial agreement? What do you do in the case of a breach of contract? You divorce the person? - well it may be wiser to not marry that person in the first place.
Alieu S.K Cham, Oslo
On the door of a Moscow hotel room, it says;
If this is your first time to Moscow, welcome to it.
>From: Alieu Jawara
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Polygammy...
>Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2004 00:40:43 -0700
>
>May I throw my two cents to this very exiting topic. Some of you say women should start a movement to stop men taking advantage of them. This is a great idea but perhaps men can help even better. Without the involvement of educated and "powerful" men the progress will be quite slow indeed. God knows there are a lot of women suffering in silence. Can't leave x years of marriage because they have nothing to fall back on due to poverty. Who knows maybe this forum can even begin to set up something just for the sake of Allah. Women could be educated publicly and the same time warning men of their actions. Financially we could help by taking their case up to justice.
>
>One thing I don't agree with the forum with is the issue of prenuptial agreements, to sign that the marriage will forever be monogamous. Someone also said polygamy is synonymous with sexual infidelity (stand corrected incase of any misquotations). First, Islam gives a lot of power to women as the lady that traditionally brings up the future heads of society. She must always be treated kindly and respectfully. The wife batters wont find their actions supported by any parts of the Qur'an or sunnah. However, polygamy is the allowed by the Qur'an, the primary source of muslim belief. Allah's wisdom is much greater than ours and he knows why he made his law to be so. By making it haram (unlawful) onto yourself is taking Allah's merciful law into your own hands. Several of Allah's prophets (who are absolutely perfect creatures) have lived polygamous lives, including the final one Nabiy Mustapha Alaihi salaam. His companions, whom we should take as our role models, also did the same. Just
to remind you briefly that our noble prophet (may on him be peace) lived his first 25 years as a chaste bachelor and the next 25 years in a monogamous marriage with a wife (widowed) 15 years his seniour. Apart from Aisha (daughter of his closest companion), the remainder of his marriages were to divorcées or widows. His marriages are vlearly out of compassion and not of passion. There are several reasons (which I wont talk about here) where it might be necessary to marry a second, third or fourth wife). I think it's quite wrong to deny yourself of halaal just because the love at the time of marriage is so high. The love for Allah and his laws should be much greater. Polygamy is definitely not synonymous to sexual infidelity where a husband sneaks out on a family that he should love and care for just to come back with bag of lies! Several verses come to mind but how about this one in conclusion:
>
>16:116 "And, for what your tongues describe, do not utter the lie, (saying) This is lawful and this is unlawful, in order to forge a lie against Allah; surely those who forge the lie against Allah shall not prosper"
>
>66:01 "O Prophet! why do you forbid (yourself) that which Allah has made lawful for you; you seek to please your wives; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful"
>
>I advise you read the commentary of the above and read up on the sunnah regarding polygamy.
>
>Salaam,
>
>Alieu Jawara
>
>P.S. Can I ask the directors to change my email address to [log in to unmask] These very exciting articles having interrupting my work. I can't help reading them when they pop up on the screen. By moving it to my free mail, I can choose to read them at lunch or at the end of the day. Thanks all.
>
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