Manners maketh Man or When permission is not given.

Islamic manners make it clear that privacy must be respected. No one should
intrude on another. However, when Islam makes a certain requirement, it
looks at all aspects and provides guidance for different situations. Hence
we need to look at this guidance so that we know what to do in any
circumstance. One important point is that seeking permission to enter a
place may be done three times only. If one does not obtain permission after
three requests, he should go back. Thus, if you are visiting a friend or a
relative and you knock on the door three times, you have done all that you
may do to obtain permission. If the people inside do not open for you, then
you should leave.

This is borne by the Hadith reported by Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari who says: “I
sought permission to see Umar and I did not have permission after three
times. Hence, I left. He called me and said: ‘Abdullah, have you found it
hard to wait at my door? You better know that people may find it hard to
wait at your door.’ I said: ‘No. I have sought permission three times and I
did not obtain it; so I returned, as we have been ordered to do so.’ He
said: ‘Whom have you heard this from?’ I said: ‘From the Prophet.’ He then
said to me: ‘Have you heard from the Prophet what we have not heard? You
will either support your statement with further evidence or I will certainly
punish you.’ I left him and went to the mosque where I found a number of the
Ansar. I asked them about the case, and they said: ‘Is this to be doubted?’
I told them what Umar said to me. They said: ‘Then the best way is that the
youngest among us should go with you as witness.’ Thus, Abu Saeed al-Khudri
came with me to Umar and told him: ‘We accompanied the Prophet when he went
to Saad ibn Ubadah. When he arrived, he offered the greeting of peace,
‘Assalam alaikum’, but no permission was given to him. He repeated his
greeting a second time and a third, but no permission was given. He then
said: ‘We have done what we can.’ Then he left. Saad came fast after him,
and said: ‘Messenger of God! By Him who has sent you with the message of the
truth, every time you said the greeting I heard it and replied. But I only
wanted that you offer more greetings to me and to my household.’ Abu Musa
then said (to Umar): ‘By God I am worthy of trust when it comes to reporting
the Prophet’s Hadith.’ Umar said: ‘Certainly. I only wanted to ascertain the
matter.’”

This Hadith is related in more than one version by Al-Bukhari, Muslim,
Al-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah. We have chosen here the version which
is more detailed and attributed directly to Abu Musa, the Prophet’s
companion at the center of the report.

The first point to make regarding this Hadith is the teaching that one may
seek permission to enter someone else’s home three times. If he does not
gain such permission he should not try a fourth. This is easily
understandable because if you are at the door of a friend or relative, you
should get an answer with the first or second request. The request here may
be the mere knocking at the door. If no one opens after you have knocked
three times, it follows that either there is no one inside, or if there are
any, they must be very busy. In this case, it is better to leave and come
back some other time. Needless to say, this is better all round. The visitor
does not wait too long, or try to knock too hard. The people inside can
attend to their business without embarrassment.

The other point is Umar’s attitude which sounds strange. He knew that Abu
Musa was a learned companion of the Prophet. He would not have doubted his
knowledge. Nevertheless, he asks him to support his statement. In some
reports of this Hadith, Umar tells him later that he has not doubted his
knowledge, but he only wanted that people should not attribute things
casually to the Prophet. It might have been that there were with him some
new Muslims who had not learned how to treat the Hadith. Therefore, Umar
wanted to demonstrate to them that when anything is attributed to the
Prophet, the person making the quotation should be absolutely certain of his
knowledge.

Another point is that the people who learned of what Umar wanted decided to
send the youngest among them. Abu Saeed Al-Khudri was one of the best
learned companions of the Prophet, who reported a large number of Hadiths.
In sending the youngest, they wanted to say to Umar that the matter in
question is common knowledge.

Finally, the report given by Abu Saeed refers to one of the closest
companions of the Prophet, Saad ibn Ubadah, a leading figure among the
Ansar. When the Prophet visited him, he delayed his permission, because he
wanted the Prophet to say more greetings to him and his household. He felt
that such a greeting of peace was a blessing for him and his family. Who
would not try to get more of such a blessing when the Prophet himself is its
source? But the Prophet taught his companions the right attitude in such a
case: seek permission three times, and if you do not obtain it, leave.

A different point about seeking permission is that made in a Hadith reported
by Abdullah ibn Massoud who says: “If a man is invited, then he has already
been given permission.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

A similar Hadith quotes the Prophet as saying: “If someone is requested to
come and he comes with the messenger giving him the request, then that is
the permission he needs.” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Abu Dawood) A different
version of this Hadith also quotes the Prophet as saying: “A man’s messenger
to another man is the permission the latter needs.” (Related by Al-Bukhari
in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

All these three Hadiths stress the same point. If a person is requested to
attend, then the request is all the permission he needs. He should come in
straightaway. However, he needs to make his presence known because although
he is expected, the people of the house may not be aware of him. Therefore,
he should offer a greeting to the people inside before entering their home.
Although the permission is there in the fact that he was sent for, rather
than coming on his own accord, he should still be considerate and allow
people a chance to be ready to receive him.

With the very best of good wishes,
Musa Amadu Pembo
Glasgow,
Scotland
UK.
[log in to unmask]
Da’wah is to convey the message with wisdom and with good words. We should
give the noble and positive message of Islam. We should try to emphasize
more commonalities and explain the difference without getting into
theological arguments and without claiming the superiority of one position
over the other. There is a great interest among the people to know about
Islam and we should do our best to give the right message.
May Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,guide us all to His Sirat Al-Mustaqim (Righteous
Path).May He protect us from the evils of this life and the hereafter.May
Allah,Subhana Wa Ta'Ala,grant us entrance to paradise .
We ask Allaah the Most High, the All-Powerful, to teach us that which will
benefit us, and to benefit us by that which we learn. May Allaah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala grant blessings and peace to our Prophet Muhammad and his family
and
companions..Amen.




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