My Husband is not concerned with me at all

Question:

My Husband, may Allah forgive him, although he has noble character and fear
of Allah, is not concerned with me at all in the home. He is always frowning
and depressing. One might claim that I am cause but, and Allah know this, I
am, and all praises are due to Allah, fulfilling his rights and I try my
best to make everything very pleasant and nice for him. I also keep anything
harmful from him and I am patient with how he treats me.  Every time I ask
him about something or speak to him, he gets upset and agitated he claims
that it is ridiculous and useless speech, although he is very friendly with
his companions and friends.

As for me, I only see harshness and contempt. This hurts me very much and I
really suffer from it. Many times I have thought about simply leaving the
home. I am a woman,
And all praises due to Allah, who has an average education and I fulfill the
obligations Allah has put upon me. Dear Shaykh, if I leave the house, bring
up my children alone and take on my worldly needs by myself, would I be
sinful. Or should I stay with him in this situation and just stop talking
and participating with him?

Response:

There is no doubt that it is obligatory upon the spouses to treat each other
in a kind and respectable manner. They should treat each other with love,
good disposition and beautiful manners.  Allaah has stated:

(Live with them honorably) (Soorah an-Nisaa, Aayah 19).

Allaah also says:
(And they (women) have rights similar to (those) over them according to what
is reasonable, but men have a degree(of responsibility) over them)(Soorah
al-Baqarah, Aayah 228).

The Prophet ( sal Allaahu ‘Alayhe wa sallam) said:
(( Piety is good behavior))

In another hadith, the Prophet ( sal Allaahu ‘Alayhe wa sallam) said:
(( Do not discount any deed of goodness, even greeting your brother with a
smiling face)) Muslim recorded both of them in his Saheeh.

The Prophet also said:
((The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best
character. The best of you are those who are best to their wives and I am
best to my family))

There are many other ahadeeth that are exhortations top behaving properly,
dealing nicely with each other and having good relations with other Muslims
in general. Therefore, what obviously must be the case concerning the
relation between spouses and close relatives? You have done well by being
patient and bearing the coldness and bad behavior from your husband. I
advise you to increase your patience and not leave the home. Allaah willing,
that will bring about lots of good and a praiseworthy solution. Allaah has
stated:

(Be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are patient) (Soorah
al-Anfaal, Aayah 46).

Alaah also says:
(Verily, He who fears Allaah and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not
the reward of the doers of good to be lost) (Soorah Yoosuf, Aayah 90).

Again Allaah says:
(Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full without
reckoning) (Soorah az-Zumar, Aayah 10).

Finally, Allaah says in yet another verse:
(Be patient, surely, the good end is for those who fear Allaah) (Soorah
Hood, Aayah 49).

There is nothing to prevent you from joking with him and speaking with him
in words that will soften his heart, acts that will cause him to smile at
you and recognize your rights. Avoid seeking worldly needs from him as long
as he is fulfilling your most important rights. Then when his heart becomes
at ease, then you can get what you need and you both will praise Allaah for
the end result, Allaah willing.

May Allaah grant you increase in every good. May he also correct the
situation of your husband and guide him to what is right and proper behavior
and fulfilling what is right.

Allaah is the Best one to ask and He is the guide to the straight way.

Shaykh Ibn Baz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah

I copied this from www.Fatwa-online.com All errors and typos are mine

Regards
MJohnson

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