Ndey,

The wollof call it "munge". In other words, stay in the marriage no matter 
how badly you are treated. No doubt, women have it worse in Africa than anywhere 
else, and you are so right, it is a double standard that men will not allow 
their daughters to be abused, yet they abude. However, not even all women have 
male family members to protect them from this terrible ordeal. It si not just 
the physical or verbal abuse either, it is also econiomic abuse as well as the 
fact that men can literally just use and throw away women and replace them 
with another one without then having any recourse. How many of us have seen this 
happen?
One thing to note is that as we have been having thsi exchange, aside from 
Habib, I see that none of the brothers on this list have said a thing. The view 
with our men has always been that any woman advocating for fair and better 
treatment of women is a radical trouble maker. There also seesm to be an 
insecurity issue where men feel threatend when we bring up these issues. I often ask 
myself who should feel threatened, those who do the abuse or the ones who are 
at the receiving end of it?
Unless we are ready to address this issue facing us as a society, it will be 
hard for us to have faith when our brothers tell us they are fighting for 
justice and equality for all.
There is no justification for abusing someone and unless we discuss it 
openly, the problem will linger.

Jabou Joh

In a message dated 3/2/04 5:19:44 AM Central Standard Time, 
[log in to unmask] writes:
> 
> Soffie,
> 
> 
> 
> You are right I remember the saying that you have to stay in your marriage. 
> The pains, beating and harassment is part of marriage, you have to stay for 
> your kids.  Your kids won’t be of any good if you are not patience and endure 
> all the pains that come with marriage life.  These are the things that keep 
> these women in the marriage and the economic conditions as well. Some women 
> will ask you what will I do if I leave him. I can’t take care of my kids alone. 
> What will people say? How will I be judged? This is not only in Gambia is 
> throughout Africa. In my daily work I have to come across these cases everyday 
> and believe me it can be heart breaking and painful.
> 
>  Yes, knowledge is the tool and key to everything but also as Jabou has 
> rightly said we need policies and laws to protect these women and children.  It 
> was a big thing here in Ghana a very powerful woman, this is a woman I really 
> admire and cherish. Very successful business woman. I came back from my leave 
> last year and I heard her using her maiden name and I asked I was told that 
> she divorced the husband. My shock was the fact that this woman was being 
> abused by the husband. The physical beating and abuse was unbearable to the 
> extend that she has to come public.
> 
> It was so sad that the papers had to carry the story but I guess it comes 
> with her position and influence in the Ghanaian society. There are many cases 
> like this.
> 
>  The Ghanaian women’s movement is now engaged in a big advocacy and lobbying 
> for the Domestic Violence Bill to be passed by parliament. Most of the 
> parliamentarians who are men are afraid of the Bill to be passed in parliament. 
> People still feels that domestic violence is a private matter but evidence had 
> shown that so many women are killed and murdered in the name of domestic 
> violence. One of the successful cases the women’s movement in Ghana has is the 
> establishment of WAJU (Women and Juvenile Unit of the Police) these people deal 
> with domestic violence cases, they are trained Police Officers in this area. 
>  So now you cannot go to the police to report that your husband has broken 
> your hand and the police will say that “this is a private matter. Call the 
> elders and resolve it at home.”
> 
>  Some parts of Africa, women are inherited after the death of their husband 
> by their husband’s brother.  All properties belong to the family of the 
> husband even if there are kids. They can throw you out of your marital home with 
> your kids.
> 
>  I kept on asking myself how many men will accept their daughters being 
> beaten, harassed and abused by their spouses. How many? I asked this question 
> because my father won’t even allow you to talk to his daughter any how. I 
> remember one of my cousin sister was beaten by her husband. When she narrated the 
> story to my Mum, she insisted that my father should not know about the issue.  
> So, I decided to inform my father about it, he got up went to the house and 
> literally beat the guy up. I was shocked and my father said to him never lay 
> your hands on my kid and he told him that is over. 
> 
>  When I join the women’s movement I kept asking myself is this how men are? 
> I won’t beat, harass and abuse my daughter but I can beat some ones daughter, 
> mother, sister who happen to be my wife.
> 
>  Another thing is also the whole word WIFE. People take it to be ownership, 
> as long as you are my wife i own you, your are my property and this is where 
> the whole problem lies. 
> 
>  I am glad that this discussion is taking place during the women’s week.  
> Next Week will be International Women’s Day, March 8th.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The Struggle Continues!!!
> 
> Ndey Jobarteh
> 
> 
> 
> 

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