*PRIME TIME WITH AJJ*

Some day in New Gambia at the GRTS studios…

Dibba: HE Alhaji Dr. MMB AJJ Jumbay, I want to thank you for joining us
today.

Few years ago you sat with me and ranted about your past struggles with
"jamba" or "taye", women and the white foam on the sides of your mouth
(ratatoye). But this week you did something even more courageous. You stood
right up before thousands of Gambians and you openly confessed that you're
"a gifted spiritual murderer."

AJJ: Well, Dibba, thank you. That was easy for me to say because, you know,
for a Kambilai Dirimo who has taken so many lives, it's so easy to fess up
to something like that.

Dibba: AJJ, after you said that, I got the whole transcript of your speech
about the AIDS cure, and I stayed up two nights straight, honest-to-God. I
could not sleep people! I was like, reading, and reading and reading. I
couldn't put it down believe me.

I was just feeling for you, having to fess up to getting rid of your closest
comrades in the coup; killed some, drove some away, I mean what a guy!

AJJ: Well, you know that speech, it was full of complete spiritual powers
revealed to me in my dreams. It was time for the mandate; I am over forty
years old you know, heehaw…

Dibba: And you bloated so convincingly, so confidently about facing up to
your "enemies" in the west. There was a hidden message about redemption, I
mean coming of age, isn't there? You do not care about western medicine and
what they say about you in the west?  That really rang a bell with all your
fools like those at the Daily Observer. They were jumping all over the
place…that prolific butcher doctor…what is his name?

AJJ: I appreciate that Dibba. You know, let me tell you something. Fighting
evil spirits, it's hard work. I, um … my kujang kujangs, um …

Dibba: AJJ, here's tissue paper;  go ahead, cry if you want to. You know
only real men are so emotional. I'm not ashamed to tell you that when I
watched your speech, I cried too…but then I ended up laughing the whole
night.

AJJ: I really appreciate that, Dibba.

Dibba: But AJJ, I have to be straight with you now. I … I have to say it is
difficult for me to talk to you because I also feel really scared that your
strong spirits will kill me.

AJJ: Dibba, No, no, no, don't you worry. I can tell even before I left my
house. When I set eyes on you Dibba, I know what you think. You see, there
are three days in the world: yesterday, today and the day before… I own
tomorrow so that does not count. You see, my friend, they say I sacrifice
human beings to stay alive but hey, they don't know the sacrifice I made for
this country. Only if they know what the Jalangba tell me to do and I
refused. I said no!

Dibba: AJJ, why did you have to lie?

AJJ: About what?  Let me tell you something Dibba. Gambians should be happy
to have a president like me. I am a true Pan-African; I am a man of action
so what I say does not matter. You know I have to give speeches, press
conference – only once. I have to say something…whatever comes to my mind or
my dreams. You see, people should look at my actions not what I say. You
know, sometimes I joke here and there to make people laugh. I learnt that in
the army. You make people laugh and keep their hopes high so they like you.

Dibba: I feel that you conned us. You embarrassed me. You embarrassed this
country.

AJJ: I'm … I'm a special person. I am the only president whose name is in
the Holy Quran don't forget that. I am AJJ Ibn Kambilai!

Dibba: How much of what you say is fabricated?

AJJ: Not that much. I mean, all the minerals and the oil are real. AIDS
cure, uh, sick people … Asthma, high blood pressure, infertility…. That
attempted coup was real…. And the dollar coming down to four Dalasis. They
were in my dreams.

Dibba: OK, I want to move on to the Carnegie story, because that part of
your story is so compelling, in terms of your struggle to test what they
were mining in Sanyang with these bis-a-body compulsions you have sometimes.
Then you get to how you're catching all these western exploiters economic
saboteurs, you know. But that's a lie too, isn't it?

AJJ: Dibba, I … I … had a hunch. I mean a compulsion took over me and I just
had to say something.…. I had scientific evidence that supported what I was
thinking…. Well, I mean, my scientists said they doubted Carnegie and I
could kick them out that, um, that there was a chance that we can be a
super-power.

Dibba: AJJ, when will you come clean about Koro Ceesay?

AJJ: Well, there too I've talked to — well, it's, like, a secret, and it's …
since that time I've struggled with the idea of coming clean but you know….

Dibba: No, the lie of it. It's not an idea, AJJ. That's a lie.

AJJ: [muffled sobbing]

Dibba: Do you now wish you had not done what you did, AJJ, something to warn
the Gambian people that your presidency has pretty much been a thousand
pretty lies, not to mention a few really big boogers?

AJJ: (sobbing) Dibba, you … you're right. I'm sorry. I've … I've lied to the
people of Gambia so many times. But I can't, I don't want to bury my head
any more!

Dibba: It's not too late. I believe the truth can set your soul free.

AJJ: Dibba, uh, obviously, this hasn't been a great few years for me or, I
guess, uh, for those guys over there in, uh, Mile 2. I mean, I feel like I
came to talk to you and finally I have been honest with you. I have, you
know, essentially admitted to … to lying, big time…Bilaye Bilalye Talaye.

Dibba: (To the studio audience) And so we move ahead — optimistic about our
country, dedicated to its future and believing in the changes to come.

May God bless The Gambia…..thank you!                         (Applause).

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