MR. KNOW-ALL SPREADS HIS NET
By Baba Galleh Jallow


Rhineheart Soberlook had almost gotten all he wanted in terms of information
on his enemies, his business rivals and just about all the prominent and not
so prominent bigwigs in our little town. In fact, he had gotten so much
information that his eyes were getting squinted from the effect of browsing
through loads and loads of information on a daily basis. His evergrowing
number of informers were fast turning his Operation See All Unit into the
world's leading espionage outfit, and nothing rendered our gentle Mr.
Know-All more proud and happy tahn feeling that he had the entire world of
information at his very finger tips, which were growing fatter by the day,
thanks to his exceedingly flamboyant lifestyle.
Indeed, so happy did Mr Know-All grow that he created what he called his
special Happy Day Sessions. At such sessions, held on the posh balcony of
his special super-mansion, he invited all persons of calibre and timber in
our little town. Cattle, of which the wealthy Mr Know-All had hundreds, were
slaughtered and the guests treated to a barbeque of a lifetime. In the
middle of the eating, the chatting, the drumming and dancing, Mr Know-All
would proudly climb the podium and gently coo into the Public Address
System, 'May I have your attention Please'. And having had his obliging
attention, he would delve into some special topic or other, often
intentionally revealing information about some of his guests that they would
rather keep secret.
But who dared defy or contradict the mighty Mr. Know-All! So all his
prominent guests could do was just to laugh and coo and loudly purr and
pretend nothing was the matter. Whereby our gentle Mr. Know-All, feeling
like the lion king himself, would cast knowing glances in the direction of
his selected targets and proudly grin and nod, whereby they in turn, would
grin and gaily wave and loudly clap, as if to drown the screams of misery
tearing their hearts.
Rhinehart Soberlook was a very fastidious guy. Hard to please, he was a
stickler for perfection. So that when some of our common townsfolk started
seeing through the ever-widening cracks of his seemingly indomitable armour,
he got really flustered and exceedingly miffed. So miffed that he in fact
caught the flu, which sent him angrily coughing and huffing, puffing and
spluttering all over our little town. Being the custodian of such monumental
knowledge, powewr and wisdom, Rhinehart Soberlook could just not understand
how such simple nonentities as some of our common townsfolk could know so
much about his mighty self. He just could not go to sleep until he found out
ways and means of dealing with those impudent blokes who called themselves
clever and thought they were wise. When he came to think of it, he even wept
aloud. Why should they call him fool? Why should they make him dance? Would
they make fun of him? He would let them see!
Within the twinkle of an eye, Mr Know-All had an idea: He would spread his
net!! Immediately, he recruited more informers and trained them in the
tecniques of what he called 'special spannerworks'. He then sent them not
only into the nooks and cranies of our little town, but also into all
neighbouring towns and villages and everywhere else he felt were any people
trying to call him fool. The really smart ones he sent to Europe and
America. Their terms of reference were to throw a spanner in the works of
his percieved enemies and critics. Confuse them, distract them, make them
feel little and stupid. Tell them they were seeing the world upside down. If
they spoke about the moon, tell them no, they were wrong, they were actually
speaking about the sun. If they made any unsavoury reference to any Mr.
Know-All, tell them hey, could they not see that they were wrong? And, holy
cow! Those guys were smart! So smart that they soon became known as the
smarties!
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