Enjoy this dialogue
between a Nigerian man  and an American telemarketer.


Ring.....Ring...Ring 



Mr  Okoro : Hello?

Telemarketer : Hi, this
is Raheema calling from  Hollywood Hereafter Resources. I just wanted to
let you know that your phone  number was randomly selected in a drawing
and we have reserved a free burial  space for you at the New Island Cemetry 
in Bridge-

Mr Okoro :  What?!!!

Telemarketer : If you would
just give me your name and  address. I want to send you a letter to confirm
the free burial space we have  reserved for you---


Mr Okoro : You reserved
what for me.....A  grave?

Telemarketer : A free burial
space 

Mr Okoro : What's  the difference?

Telemarketer : Well the
word "grave" can be scary sir,  you can disregard the letter if
you don't want it. This is just
a curtsey  call to---

Mr Okoro : So as a telemarketer,
you can pick up the phone  and cold call people and pitch them with such 
offers?

Telemarketer  :Well, yes
sir. We always make sure it is something of potential interest to  them
-- 

Mr Okoro : Of course, who
wouldn't be interested in dying?  I am definately interested in a grave.
I am. That is a very important  decision to make before die right? 

Telemarketer : I agree with
u sir.  You are so open-minded about this. A lot of people don't understand
why it is  so important to hand-pick your final resting place before you 
pass on. It  ensures you get the kind of burial you want for yourself.

Mr Okoro : I  see say na
u dem send come 

Telemarketer : I'm  sorry?
Send....come?

Mr Okoro : Oh, they don't
use the witchdoctor  in the village anymore right? They have gone nuclear
and now are using  Americans. Na you dem send come!


Telemarketer : I'm sorry
sir, but  i don't know what you are talking about.

Mr Okoro : I get fillage 
too  o! i be proper bush boy and my mama still dey kampe for waterside.
Na one  phone call e go take and she go run go fillage go get me gold circle
condom  protection, u hear. Una no dey here say e better for somebody? Why 
na so-so  make una dey spoil person own una dey like?

Telemarketer : I don't  understand
what you are saying-- 

Mr Okoro
: You go understand by  force. Na airmail i go take send winch to you. You 
hear. Una tink say una  know winch just because una dey do halloween? You
tink winch na dat  abracadabra una dey do for America? You tink na to chant
poetry and cook soup  with lizard yansh and frog tongue be winch? I go show 
u where we dey use  snake leg do ogbonge juju Black winch, red winch, 
multi-colored
winch....for  my fillage, na your eyes i go take flavor the juju sef. You
go know beta  winch when my own army land. 

Telemarketer : I do apologize
to you if  my phone call has offended you in any way-

Mr Okoro : You have  not
offended me. I am not offended. Do i sound offended? Why would i be  offended
because you- kindhearted telemarketer that you are- reserved a grave  for
me? Do you know how old i am? 32 . In my country, people don't die at 32.  
When they die so young, it is a major tragedy! My mother and father  are
still alive. You want me to die before them?

Telemarketer : I  didn't
mean anything- 

Mr Okoro : You people never
mean anything  when you make these stupid phone calls. How dare u wish me  
death--

Telemarketer : No, that's
not what --

Mr Okoro : I  DON'T CARE!!!
Do you know how many years i worked on getting a visa to come  to America?
10 Years....Ejioku.....10!. Do u know how many laws i broke in so  many 
countries before i found my way here? I have been here only 2 yrs.  All
the people who gave me loans to buy ticket and visa have not been  paid.
My mother and father are still waiting for me to perform the magic of  
Dollars 
for them in Nigeria. This telephone was just connected 2 months ago  because
i am just now able to afford a telephone because i cannot make good  money
due to my illegal alien status. And now, you want me to die before i  can 
even begin to enjoy a little,.....ah, your own don spoil o, i swear ,  e
no go betta for you.

Telemarketer : E no....what? 

Mr Okoro :  Na hand ya mama
and papa go take bury you. And na there eyes dem go take cry  for that yeye
grave wey u don reserve for yaself. 

Telemarketer : Are  u cussing
me sir? 

Mr Okoro : cuss you ke?
why should i? why would  i want to cuss someone who is offering me a grave?
I am only reacting in my  own local English. That is how we behave when
we are overwhelmed with joy in  my country. 


Telemarketer : I just had
a distinct feeling that you  were not saying nice things about me.

Mr Okoro : See dis wowo
wey  craw-craw don chop him yansh finish....Look, just aside, are all the
members  of your family reserved space in your graveyard? 

Telemarketer : Some of  them
do have-- 

Mr Okoro : No, don't stop
there. You should get  everybody a plot. I go help you use juju finish all 
of them make una dey go  do whassup dog for Hollywood, abi na wey u dey
call from

Telemarketer  : I have to
hang up now sir 

Mr Okoro : Before u hang
up, would you  by any chance know anything about a scam where telemarketers
call people on  the phone to assure them a free burial space, and then try 
to get them  expensive mausoleums and crypts? What is it call? Bait and
switch,  right?

Telemarketer : I don't know 
what you're talking  about.

Mr Okoro : You get pickin

Telemarketer : get  picking?
picking what? 

Mr Okoro : You get pickin?
u don born  bomboy? make you dash your pickin thegrave now 

Telemarkete r : Dash  picking.....you're
dissing me?

Mr Okoro : Diss? Dis one
pass dis,  agaracha. Dis one na K.I.S.S, kiss- serious kiss of the  death

Telemarketer : I have to
hang up now sir

Mr Okoro : No,  please wait.
Let me reserve the whole cemetery for your unborn children. I  will also 
reserve a full page in the Daily times Obituary section--  

Telemarketer : Thats mean!
you can't talk to me like that just  because i am a telemarketer. We are 
people too

Mr Okoro : Yes, bad  people....people
who call to trick me at all kinds of hours into buying  something i don't 
want.

Telemarketer : I'm going
to report you to  the INS! You will be deported! 

Mr Okoro : My juju go don
finish you  before you reach the place. Winch pass winch! you no go die
betta, i tell  you. I go make sure u crase first, make you waka enter k-mart 
abi wetin una  dey call market for dis side- before dem finish you!......
She reserve  grave.....why you no take knife kill me yaself? E no go betta
for ---hello?  you hang up? why u no wait make i finish ? why not wait? 
Oloshi! Na dead dog  wey get rabies go chop the mouth you take talk to me.

END  




**************Start the year off right.  Easy ways to stay in shape.     
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface
at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html

To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l
To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to:
[log in to unmask]
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤