MR. KNOW-ALL LAYS A PLAN
By Baba Galleh Jallow
The more famous Mr. Know-All grew, the more ambitious and outspoken he grew,
and the more hungry for more control over our common townsfolk, particularly
the staff of Jahasay Enterprises he became. The desire to know what was
going on in every nook and cranny of our little town, in every shop and
store of our business world, and in every unit and department of Jahasay
Enterprises became a maddening obsession with Rhinehart Soberlook and sent
him hastening frantically to and fro, to and fro, seeking ways and means of
knowing it all.
On many a night, Rhinehart Soberlook would stay awake, his head massively
wired with networks of thoughts of just how to make sure that he knew
everything that went on in our little town, in line with his Mr. Know-All
title. He imagined how he would surprise his enemies and opponents by
suddenly revealing some of their greatest secrets. How they would then fear
and tremble and look at him with horror-filled eyes! How he would smile and
nod and ask them how now then!
On one such sleepless night, as he stared into the empty darkness of his
room, a very brilliant idea struck Mr. Know-All’s mind: Set up a special
information unit at Jahasay Enterprises! Recruit and train staff in the art
and science of general information collection, make them directly answerable
to himself and just unleash them into our little town and within Jahasay
Enterprises itself. He would call it the Operation See All Unit and make it
known that its job was to engage in market research and analysis so as to
enhance the business of Jahasay Enterprises.
In reality, Rhinehart Soberlook planned to have all the staff of this
special new unit swear their strongest oaths of secrecy and allegiance to
him. He would offer them a juicy combination of the fabled carrot and the
stick. Those who did well would be rewarded by rapid promotions and nearness
to the great Mr. Know-All himself, which meant, among other special
privileges, a bigger and growing pay cheque and a greater opportunity to
listen to the classy lectures of the learned giant of our little town.
Alternately, those who failed to deliver would get the immediate sack. They
would be dealt such a metaphorical blow as they would never recover from!
Such was Rhinehart Soberlook’s advanced plan! Such was his magnificent
vision on that fateful night! Such was the great depth of his wisdom and the
amazing ingenuity of his clever innovation! No wonder our common townsfolk
always burst into tears when they thought just how clever our gentle Mr.
Know-All was! Hurray, hurray, they would wail. All hail the great Mr.
Know-All!
The very next day, Rhinehart Soberlook placed vacancy notices in all the
media outlets in our little town. Twenty positions available at the
reputable Jahasay Enterprises. All applicants must sit to an IQ test. No
current Jahasay employees were eligible to apply. By the three-day deadline,
100 applications had come in. The following week, Mr. Know-All himself
conducted the test. Of the hundred applicants, 10 got above 50, 40 got above
30, 30 got above 20, and 20 got below 20. Mr. Know-All, in line with his
special plans for this new unit, drafted the last 20 and told the remaining
80 that they had not passed his test. What he needed was loyalty, not
intelligence. Step number one.
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