What Standard to Set

On many occasions, Aishah, the wife of the Prophet (peace
be upon him) whom he loved most and who was the closest
person to him in the last ten years of his life, was
requested to describe his personal manners and his moral
standard. A woman of great knowledge and profound insight,
she always sought to relate her account of the Prophet’s
personality to the teachings of the Qur’an. Saad ibn Hisham
reports: “I spoke to Aishah, the mother of believers, and
said: ‘Tell me about the Prophet’s manners.’ She asked me:
‘Don’t you read the Qur’an?’ When I answered in the
affirmative, she said: ‘His manners were (an embodiment of)
the Qur’an.’” (Related by Muslim).

This short answer is reported by several people, each
asking on a different occasion. It is thus related in
different anthologies of Hadith with different chains of
transmission and different reporters. This makes the Hadith
both famous and authentic. One of these reporters, Jubayr
ibn Nafeer, mentions that it was when he went on pilgrimage
that he visited Aishah and asked her this question to which
she gave the same answer. It is a short answer in which we
had to interpolate the words in between brackets to give a
clear sense that  we try to explain thus:-But what does it
mean in practice? Ibn Katheer gives us the following
explanation:

“What this means is that he would comply with whatever the
Qur’an orders to be done, and he would make sure to refrain
from whatever the Qur’an prohibits. Such was his great,
natural inclination which is certain to give anyone the
best moral standard of all and the most perfect and
beautiful manners. Moreover, God has given him a great and
perfect faith which He gave none before him. Moreover, he
was the last of all prophets, which meant that God would
send no messenger or prophet after his mission is
completed. Therefore, his character combines a standard of
modesty, generosity, courage, forbearance, forgiveness,
compassion and all other virtues that is beyond
description.”

Sometimes Aishah gave some insight as to what she meant
when she answered this question, which was frequently asked
by people who wished to emulate the Prophet’s standard,
knowing that he provided the most perfect role model. Abu
al-Dardaa’, a companion of the Prophet, says that he asked
Aishah about the Prophet’s manners. She said: “His manners
were (an embodiment of) the Qur’an: He was pleased when the
Qur’an was complied with, and he was angry when it was
disregarded.”

This sets the standard very clear. Whatever the Qur’an
ordered was to him something that must be complied with. If
the Qur’an ordered that certain practice should be
prohibited, then it must be abandoned by all. The Prophet
would be the first to implement any Qur’anic injunction,
whatever it said, because he knew that it was a divine
order that must be carried out.

On another occasion, Aishah was talking to a group of
people who asked her the same question. She replied: “His
manners were the Qur’an in practice. Read, if you will, the
first ten verses of Surah 23, The Believers, and you will
know what the Prophet’s personal manners were.” (Related by
Al-Bayhaqi).

Here Aishah refers her interlocutors to a specific passage
of the Qur’an which outlines certain commandments. These
ten verses are as follows: “Truly, successful shall be the
believers, who humble themselves in their prayer, who turn
away from all that is frivolous, who are active in deeds of
charity, who refrain from sex except with those joined to
them in marriage, or those whom they rightfully possess -
for then, they are free of all blame, whereas those who
seek to go beyond that (limit) are indeed transgressors,
who are faithful to their trusts and to their pledges, and
who are diligent in their prayers. These shall be the heirs
that will inherit the paradise; therein shall they abide.”

These ten short verses outline a code of morality that
covers private and public situations, as well as relations
with God and social dealings. Thus, humility in prayers
symbolizes man’s relation with God to whom prayers are
addressed, while turning away from frivolity indicates
following a code of serious morality. Charity is a
fulfilment of a social duty by which the rich look after
the poor so as no one is left unlooked after. Maintaining
virtuous standards in the fulfillment of the sexual desire
means that sex must be confined within the bounds of
marriage. No excess is permissible in Islam. This preserves
a standard of purity and cleanliness in family and
community relations that is bound to benefit everyone,
parents and children, as well as the community as a whole.
Fulfilment of trust and pledges sets relations within
society on a basis of complete honesty and sincerity. This
makes for a much closer community in which every individual
finds support and the whole community prospers. When such
standards are maintained, the result is virtuous life in
this world and heaven in the hereafter. This is a double
success.

Needless to say, Qur’anic morality and good manners are
much wider and more varied than what these ten short verses
sum up. Aishah simply gave a clue and left it to her
listeners to reflect on what her reply that the Prophet
practically implemented all Qur’anic directives meant. It
is in this light that we should read the Prophet’s own
statement: “I have been sent with my message only to
perfect good manners and morality.” Thus, setting moral
standards on a level of perfection is the objective of the
final divine message, which remains the point of reference
for all humanity, at all times. And when we say that the
Prophet’s manners were an embodiment of Qur’anic teachings,
we are saying that he provided the perfect example of
perfect morality. Hence, it is not surprising that he is
described in the Qur’an as having a ‘great moral standard’
(68: 4) And it is no exaggeration to say that none can do
better than to emulate the Prophet in all actions and
situations.

Woman Cannot Be Forced to Marry Against Her Wish

Q. Can a woman’s parents force her to marry a man of their
choice, particularly when she has made it clear to them
more than once that she does not agree to their choice? If
the woman wants to marry a man of her choice, can she do
so? What if her father objects: Can he prevent her
marriage?

A. A woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him)
complaining that her father married her to a relative of
his, because he wanted to improve his own social standing
through this marriage. The Prophet declared the marriage
null and void. When the woman made sure that her marriage
was no longer valid, she said to the Prophet: “Now, I agree
to what my father did. I only wanted women to know that men
do not have a say over their affairs.”

This authentic Hadith is very clear. It is not up to the
father, or any other relative, to force a woman into a
marriage against her own express wishes. If she does not
agree to a marriage, she should declare that, and no one
will be able to go ahead and marry her against her wishes.
The important thing in all this is that the woman should
make her position very clear. If she does not, then her
hesitation could be taken as a reluctant agreement.

A father may object to a prospective husband of his
daughter on grounds of personal or social incompatibility.
But he must always be reasonable and not make his objection
on arbitrary basis. He must always seek what is best for
his daughter, knowing that he will have to account to God
on whether he has taken good care of her or not.

It is also not permissible for a father to block his
daughter’s marriage without good reason. What he should
realize is that his authority is one of care, seeking the
best interest of his daughter, not to regulate her life
according to his own wishes or interests. Now, if a woman
wants to marry a particular man, he should approach the
matter properly, putting his proposal to her family and
explaining his situation. The family should look into the
matter carefully, remembering always the Prophet’s advice:
“If a man whom you find satisfactory with regard to his
faith and honesty makes a marriage proposal, then accept
him. If you do not, there will be oppression on earth and
much corruption.” It is easy to see what the Prophet aims
at when he warns against such a practice. If people would
reject those who are satisfactory with regard to faith and
honesty, then they will accept ones who are unsatisfactory.
This will lead to oppression and corruption. The victim is
almost always the woman, and often the children. The
corruption applies within the family and society at large.

The reader also asks about a court marriage. This is
perfectly acceptable, provided the woman’s father or
guardian is present. If a woman wants to get married in
court, and her father makes his objection clear to the
court, there could be some requirements that differ from
one country to another. But if the family law of a Muslim
country sanctions a marriage, and it is not against a clear
Islam rule, the marriage is valid.

Silk Garments Not Permissible for Men

Q.1. I was given a silk tie and a suit as a gift, and I
have worn them on several occasions. Is the prohibition on
wearing silk total? Can it be relaxed in the case of a tie?

Q.2. If one accidentally drops the Qur’an on the floor, how
does he seek forgiveness?

A.1. We have a ruling by the Prophet (peace be upon him)
which is very clear and does not admit any argument. He
held a piece of gold in one hand and a piece of silk in the
other, and said: “These two are permissible for my women
followers, forbidden for men.” With such a definitive
statement by none other than the Prophet, no one can
suggest otherwise. Hence, you find no disagreement among
scholars that gold and silk are forbidden for Muslim men.

Having said that, scholars of the past have spoken about
having a sword with a handle that includes gold. They said
that this is permissible. They also mention that it is
permissible to have the bottom end of a robe, where the
material is turned inside, made of silk, because it makes
the robe or garment more durable. They say that it should
not be wider than a man’s palm. On this basis some
contemporary scholars express the view that a tie made of
silk is permissible. I am not keen on this view. I believe
that to refrain from wearing gold and silk altogether is
the appropriate course of action for Muslim men.

What to do if one is given such articles as a gift? The
Prophet once received suits made of fancy material and he
sent one to Umar as a gift. Umar was perturbed because of
an earlier incident. He went hurriedly to the Prophet and
said: “Messenger of God! You sent me this suit and you had
told me in the past that such suits are only worn by a
person devoid of good manners.” The Prophet said to him: “I
did not send it to you to wear. I only sent it to you so
that you may give it away.” Needless to say, the Prophet
did not want Umar to give it as a gift to a Muslim, but
rather he would give it to someone who could wear it.

If a person used to wear a gold ring or a silk garment and
seeks God’s forgiveness, he should declare his repentance
before God, and refrain from doing so completely.

A.2. If you dropped the Qur’an on the floor accidentally,
taking proper care to hold it firmly, there is no blame to
be attached to you. It is when you are careless that you
commit an offense. In this case, you need to repent, pray
for forgiveness and resolve to be more careful in future.

Azan After a Child’s Birth.

Q. It is a Sunnah to call the azan near a child’s ear as
the child is born. If it is not done, do the parents incur
a sin? From another point of view, if a husband sucks the
milk of his lactating wife, does it affect their marital
relationship?

A. When we describe something as a Sunnah, we mean that it
is recommended in Islam. And if it is recommended, its
omission is not sinful. A sin is committed when one fails
to implement a duty or deliberately does what is
prohibited. In this case, it is recommended, or a Sunnah,
that the child’s father or someone else who is closely
related to the child should say the phrases of the azan,or
call to prayer,close to the child’s head shortly after the
child is born. This ensures that the first words the child
hears are the phrases of the azan which glorify God and
assert His oneness and the truth of the Message of Prophet
Muhammad (peace be upon him).

A husband’s sucking of his wife’s milk does not affect
their marriage in any way. People confuse this with
breastfeeding, but the two are totally different. In Islam
when a child below 2 years of age is given five feeds by a
woman who is not his mother, and these feeds are through
her breasts,the child is considered like a son or a
daughter of that woman for all future marriage purposes.

Thus,he cannot marry her,her daughters,granddaughters,
sisters,etc.But when a woman gives her breast to her
husband, she is not breast-feeding him.









____________________________________________________________
Does your mail provider give you a free online calendar?
Yahoo! does.  Get Yahoo! Mail http://uk.mail.yahoo.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l
To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to:
[log in to unmask]

To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface
at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~