Canada offers refuge to distraught Democrats

By Lester Haines (lester.haines at theregister.co.uk)
Published Friday 5th November 2004 14:59 GMT
Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/11/05/canada_offers_refuge/

Those US citizens who are as we speak packing their bags in a state of
near panic following the re-election of George W Bush in the certain
knowledge that waves of gun-toting, bible-waving, gay-bashing rednecks
will shortly be coming to pop a cap in their pinko, Kerry-loving
liberal asses should know that help is at hand - in the form of
Canada.

Yup, single Canadians are signing up in their tens to Marry an
American (http://www.marryanamerican.ca/), (motto: "No good American
will be left behind"), an initiative designed to give marital
sanctuary to Democrats for whom the US of A has become just too, well,
Republican.

The site explains it thus:

    Now that George W. Bush has been officially elected, single, sexy,
American liberals - already a threatened species - will be desperate
to escape.

    These lonely, afraid (did we mention really hot?) progressives
will need a safe haven.

    You can help. Open your heart, and your home. Marry an American.

But what, you may ask, can Canada offer Americans that they can't
already get at home in spades? Well, there are a couple of things:

    Americans, sick of the political climate of their homeland, have
long sought refuge within Canadian borders. And let's face it, when
compared to the United States, Canada is a liberal utopia & we have
universal healthcare (in two languages!), gay marriage, free marijuana
for everyone, and we don't like guns.

    Already, our American counterparts are fleeing the U.S. in droves
and buying up land along our borders. We envision a movement where
everyone wins: Freedom of expression and a politically convenient
marriage with love and igloos for all.

    Canadian singles, tired of the dating scene, are willing to act
for love or just plain pity. Let's drop our
borders/inhibitions/commitment issues, set a date, pick out our china
patterns and wed a sexy American liberal.

So far so good. And what might the red-blooded American ex-pat expect
from the Canadian gene pool? Hmmmm. What about "I*heart*trees1985",
who describes herself as a "full-time liberal arts major / part-time
tree hugger" who is into "Mountain Equipment Co-op, vegan potlucks,
mother earth (gaia), feminist collectives, dreadlocks", and offers "I
do a wicked Joni Mitchell impersonation and don't shave my legs" as
reasons to get to know her better.

Yes, we can see steam coming out of Dick Cheney's ears already. But if
you think this is just a bit of fun by the Canadians at the expense of
their politically disadvantaged neighbours, then check out the
chilling facts on canada.com
(http://www.canada.com/news/national/story.html?id=1b022644-e8f8-44c9-8cae-c90
678858708)
which says that on the day Bush gave his acceptance speech, 115,016
sobbing US citizens visited Canada's immigration website - 64 per cent
of the traffic for that fateful date.

The big question for the Democratic Party seems to be not who will be
its next presidential candidate, but who will be left to vote for her
- because by the time Hillary Clinton even gets a sniff of the ballot
box, 98 per cent of her voter base will be on skidoos en route to
their three-year-old* kid's first seal-clubbing adventure weekend. ®

*Estimated age at next US presidential election based on departure for
Canada immediately after reading this article, short courtship
followed by marriage, conception and normal nine-month term.

Related stories

Captain Cyborg faces Canadian challenge
(http://www.there
gister.co.uk/2004/01/15/captain_cyborg_faces_canadian_challenge/)
Canadian Uni to run virus writing course
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/05/24/canadian_uni_to_run_virus/)
Canadian PM takes a clubbing
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/06/22/canadian_pm_takes_a_clubbing/)
Martians invade Canada
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/06/12/martians_invade_canada/)

© Copyright 2004



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*  Madiba K. Saidy, Ph.D                                                      
                        
*  Research Scientist, Atomic Energy of Canada                                
             
*  Department of Energy & Natural Resources Canada                            
         
*  ====                                                                       
                                 
*  Secretary/Treasurer                                                        
                           
*  Joint Division of Surface Science                                          
                       
*  The Chemical Institute of Canada & The Canadian Association of Physicists  

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