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From: [log in to unmask] 
To: [log in to unmask] ; [log in to unmask] 
Sent: Saturday, March 06, 2004 12:28 AM
Subject: Bush: From Soviet Union to Moyo 


Bush: From Soviet Union to Moyo 



By Nathaniel Manheru 
Under Sani Abacha’s Nigeria, one journalist dared a well-known Nigerian writer to classify and categorise his kind of writings. After a thoughtful while, the writer responded by saying his type of literature was called "faction", itself a recognition and tribute to Nigeria’s sui generis situation where the boundary that normally divides fact and fiction had grown increasingly blurred, leaving the two magnitudes to mate to an illegitimate and nondescript outcome. 

Abacha’s excesses, he added, had simply burst the bounds of the real and conceivable, and was increasingly encroaching the domain of the fictional. The outcome was a life that hovered between fact and fiction, giving rise to his kind of genre he chose to call "fa-ction", hopefully to capture this resultant conflation of fact and fiction. I must say that I found this quite creative, although quite frankly, I doubted its utility in literary studies outside describing this unique, creative outcome and expression of Nigeria’s hideous political disfigurement under Abacha. 

Bush’s March 3 Executive Order 

Until March 3, a date which to any Zimbabwean with a sense of history recalls the March 3 Agreement of Ian Smith and his quisling lot led by Bishop Abel Muzorewa. With a good measure of historical cynicism, George Bush and his America decided to extend their so-called "targeted sanctions" against this country, with the Depart-ment of Treasury elaborating on the Bush Order by way of actionable specifics. 

Apart from real persons, there were four companies which got added to the list, all of them deemed to be "controlled by one or more key members of the Mugabe regime". That read consistent, serious and thoughtful. Until one got to the paragraph that dealt with prohibition of entry into the United States of America (upon pain of death!) of all agricultural produce from "three farms owned by Jonathan Moyo, Minister of Information of Zimbabwe". I just burst into a fit of laughter that shook my whole big frame, and simply defied a quick return to normalcy. 

Not bitter or scornful laughter which most probably would come from those close to the Minister or to the "Mugabe regime". Genuine laughter, the kind which seizes a fellow after watching Mr Bean’s video (no intended parallel with a living president of a superpower) for the first time. Now the United States is a superpower, in fact has been the only one since the fall of the Soviet Union, its equally belligerent anti-thesis. 

Depending on one’s degree of awe, one could describe it as a planetary power that is increasingly aspiring for a cosmic muscle. It has huge stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction (WMD), the kind that would pulverise our small planet in no time. Never mind that this capacity has not helped it to snuff out Bin Laden from this side of life. It has acquired God-like omniscience, never mind that it had to turn to bribery to find Saddam. It has a huge standing army whose sheer numerical value is enough to populate our neighbour Botswana. 

Again never mind that it could not raise enough men to comb the Tora Bora Mountains. It has a whole leader whose self-image is that of a "war president", again, again, never mind that Iraq resistance gives him a running tummy. It is a hi-tech super-democracy, provided of course you are prepared to forget about the prisoners at Guantanamo and many other places, including within the union itself. Now to imagine such a stupendous superpower, such a big Bush picking pen and paper to make an Executive Order that focuses on banning mufushwa, makebe nemhodzi dzeruninga from Moyo’s farm! Now, that is farcical, some humour too much and humanitarian states such as the US should remember that if exposed to severe laughter, human ribs can crack and even give in, with dire, life-threatening consequences. Why give us such dangerous humour of a mighty power pitting itself against puny Moyo? Is the beast that easily irritated? 

Too much for love 

But of course I gave myself two possible explanations. Often when the American establishment wants to drop a President (remember this is election time in the US), it gives him sex, or takes away his gift for common sense. Whether by face or by passion, Bush is no Clinton, meaning no amount of coquetry arouses him. He looks too weeping and bitter to attract, and that discounts the Lewinsky option. Bush talks too much and thinks just too little. It is congenital and this is the opportunity for the establishment: simply encourage the idiot to take and make as many absurd decisions as would decisively chip away his electability. 

The second possible explanation relates to Bush’s impression of Tony Blair. Well, I will let out a few secrets. Blair did not want to go to war in Iraq, and even solicited the assistance of a few leaders, including one from the Arab world, to talk Bush out of that unjust war. When approached, Bush made it clear he did not take Blair too seriously and would go ahead with the sweet war, regardless. Of course Blair, in the true tradition of a lapdog, came along and the rest is history. But Blair now wants a good return from the supposedly grateful Bush who happens to be in the mood for cynical humour. 

Asked to deliver President Mugabe’s head, Bush decides on a cynical joke by way of imposing dire sanctions against Zimbabwe through banning matomatisi from Moyo’s farm, with perilous consequences to President Mugabe! Whichever way one looks at it, moving from Reagan’s "evil empire" to Bush’s "Jonathan Moyo, Minister of Information of Zimbabwe" is one hell of a descend for this stupendous superpower. Except one thing is clear. For the first time since 2000, America now recognises that the land is being put to good, productive use, indeed that Zimbabwe is a net exporter of agricultural produce. For once, sweet Sullivan is accurate. 

Zvakwana, we are Movement for Democratic Condom! 

True, I have budgeted for successive excesses and surprises from the Movement for Democratic Change, but not the kind they gave the world this week. I just would not imagine a whole political party with pretensions to taking over this country, pasting itself on inflatable rubber and telling the voter, "Zvakwana veduwe-ee, we are Movement for Democratic Condom!" Granted, condoms work and protect better, indeed govern with remarkable stability, when consent of the rolled is secured. At no time had I prepared myself for such a farcical valediction from this party that Blair built. 

It is a descend too enormous, but one very much in keeping with Zimbabweans’ knack for handling and even defeating adversity through humour. And of course political humour has greater potency of destruction than any straight slogan, more so when self-generated. It is a wonderful compound metaphor for this British prime political tool on Zimbabwe, whose other face is Tatchell the homosexual. Those who are close to the MDC leader, and whisper too much, often loudly wonder what epitaph fits their capsule-gobbling president. Well, I compose something for them: "He boycotted condoms and died a very thin man". As for the rest of my countrymen, well, caveat emptor! Condoms are no take-aways! 

Phew, what USAid! 

But there is a serious dimension to this whole matter, and one which must never be lost to the authorities. What is the role of USAid and PSI in this whole matter? What is the role of the American embassy here? These tubes are from America, courtesy of the American government through USAid and PSI, its public communication outfit. Remember the controversy around Mopani Junction? Remember the Econet advertisements about changing the world and on men who have made a difference. 

They introduce a service and market it so well over time until it achieves a taken-for-granted status in our lives, until it gets so naturalised to warrant any questioning. This is the propaganda foreplay. And bang! drops the bombshell and you find subliminal messages inserted on, or is it propaganda squirting from the tool of the everyday. Without realising it, you are in the middle of Yugoslavia. By the way, I notice PSI is busy disbanding its machinery here for another country in the region. I hope its new hosts are as watchful as Moyo and his boys. 

Burning both the belly and the underside 

Events in Haiti are a huge lesson to us Zimbabweans and the rest of the Third World. Jean Bertrand Aristide, the ousted leader of Haiti, is a man America made through its thrown about military weight. But he became a size too much for the boots his masters gave him when he became too nationalistic. Now, that is unacceptable to Uncle Sam who thinks nationalism is a sentiment that lawfully seizes Americans only. He lost it and then on the wheel of fortune inexorably turned, flinging him down to the dust. The Americans simply rolled the guy together into a kidnapable bundle they threw in, limb and all. The purblind Western media claimed the take-away plane was unmarked, in spite of its very loud stripes and stars. 

That way Aristide was transported, permanently blindfolded until he smelt the more acrid vapours of Central African Republic (CAR), a clear indication he had been taken to a clime equally or more troubled than his own. In one swoop of an operation, Americans have been able to humiliate black and African ego twice: in Haiti where the drama began, and in CAR where it achieved a dramatic pause. 

America excretes and then extracts its muck whenever it pleases, dumping it wherever it likes. We blacks, we Africans, like real bananas in our pseudo-republics, are expected to wax and wane to Bush’s whims. Kuchazova riiniko, Nehanda Nyakasikana/Isu vaNyai tichita-mbura? But hark, I hear interesting noises from CARICOM and South Africa. 

The community of Caribbean States have refused to contribute to a peace-keeping force until and unless an international commission of inquiry has been set up to determine the circumstances of Aristide’s departure from power and Haiti. South Africa has refused to take Aristide until such an inquiry is constituted and reports back. Bravo! Not that this counts for much in this era of naked power. But at least it shows we still have the boldness to protest and protect our honour as sovereign states. 

Weather-all for Britain 

I notice my friend Muckraker was quite exercised in defending British interests and perceived integrity which I savaged through this column. Well, that is quite dutiful for this wonderer of the empire. Why (s)he thinks the British cannot defend themselves through their embassy here, I cannot begin to surmise, let alone pretend to understand. I suppose Sophie Honey, who faces too many sweet African distractions of the savannah, has not put up much defence as would satisfy this bitter amphibian. Whichever way, the signs are very good. With MDC falling into tatters and thus increasingly unable to play its set role, the handler is gradually coming to the fore and the veil can no longer hold. Blair machinery cannot trust the cash-strapped and bickering MDC and is increasingly deploying directly, most visibly through the media. It is even withdrawing into expensive exile its tools here who face the long arm of the law for numerous misdeeds. At one stroke the authorities have managed to draw out Blair, put his facade into a scatter and given his country a label as a haven for white-collar criminals. What a preface to an election! 

l [log in to unmask] 

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