GUARDIAN Saturday, February 19, 2000 Battle of the sexes By Suleyol Mngerem "NO one can win the battle of the sexes, there's too much fraternising with the enemy." Anon. When I found this quotation, I found it absolutely hilarious and true. When you sit and listen to what one sex has today about the other, you wonder how they can stand to be in the same country not to talk of in the same bed. It all started with Adam, he blamed Eve. She blamed the serpent, who is of course male. Since then, it's been finger pointing, blame, accusations and counter accusations. The words range from jovial banter, "look how your son is growing," "isn't your daughter beautiful" to otomokpo alias African science, to clan wars and epic court battles. From the infant to the seven year old, they don't know the difference. From age seven to 13, they can't be seen within shouting distance. It will be hurling insults or even physical fights. Age 10 - 11, I could easily beat up all my boy mates, I was taller and stronger. Scientists say its normal. Of course the next year, I didn't try them. Age 14 to 17 the puppy love starts and they would do anything to see what you are not showing. They compose poems, write endless love letters, send photos, try to excel in everything to impress the other and wild horses would not bring most to go beyond the few stolen kisses stage. Now from 18 is where trouble starts. Out of secondary school or fresh in the university. The boys taller than their fathers, with deep, deep voices, displaying all kinds of skills, mental and physical. They are finally men (so they think) and they are now ready to claim their "God given" property i.e. girls. The girls too have matures beautifully and the people they used to call "uncle" just six months ago are urgently, urging them to "just call me Peter, forget the uncle." The heat is on. Those little things called hormones are frantically at work. You just pray to God that they listen to you, common sense and God rather than those reckless passion lighting hormones. Some real battles begin here. The scorned can't imagine why and you know "hell hath no fury like one scorned etc." The ones ignored either take it philosophically or grow angry and bitter at the courted and the courters. Some get pregnant and therefore into trouble with everybody, have abortion, have a child. By God's miracles some of them go on through life unscathed by such experiences, others grow allergic to men and others lose confidence in them. These are volatile years. Anything happens here, from entering the convent and seminaries to wild parties; hippie heaven, gate jumping, car crashing, crashing out of school, cults, gangs, drugs, early parenthood, early marriage to most sober and reasonable behaviour. The girls are complaining loudly about who they are dating and who wants to date them. Who they would like to date, who they caught cheating on them, they are beginning to realise that it's all sweet and sensational. Whatever it is, their conversations are full of boys. The opposite sex is on the same track, telling of their conquests (real or imagined) talking about the hard-to-get, the arrogant, the rude and the easy and their heart breaks. Beatings and rape are not unheard of on campuses and many a girl have taken a campus tough for protection especially now with all madness they call cults. Then comes real adulthood (welcome or not) when most are on their first jobs, assuming responsibilities, saving, helping at home and venturing into marriage. Your parents are asking for the usual thing - a grandchild. It is now that the men can't find the women. This one doesn't pick up after them. She can't cook, she will be fat after the first baby. She has a better job. She is too tall, she is Ibo and not Tiv. His mother won't like her. The list is endless. The women of course start to turn bitter, with their family and friends lining up on their side. The men have their own cries after courting a woman and even asking her to meet the old lady, she suddenly realises she can't stand to be a daughter-in-law to his mother. She cheats on him with his best friend. She'd rather die than crack a nail washing plates and she thinks tuwon dawa is beneath her. The atrocities of the women too are endless. Some don't get to the altar. Some manage to. Others go quite ecstatically, exchanging rings, life-long vows and now two years later, they can't stand each other. Some five years others 10, 25, 35 and even 40 years. For Christ's sake 30 years? 40 years? The amount of bitter feeling on both sides is quite alarming, the divorce rate is really frightening, the abuse verbal and physical monumental. Yet, each year, everyday people are declaring their love and yes!, getting married. The battle of the sexes is in full swing, has been on since Eden and there's no end in sight and yet fraternising with the enemy too is in full swing. The contradiction is quite amusing, that is if you are not crying. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html ----------------------------------------------------------------------------