> > NOTICE TO NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH > > > > The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer >insight >and advice to Northerners moving South. > > > > 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to >use >it shortly. > > > > 2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners >can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. > > > > 3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the >cab >of a four-wheel pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along >shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what >they live for. > > > > 4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know >the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to >find it yourself. > > > > 5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" >is >plural possessive. > > > > 6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" > > > > 7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't >understand you, either. > > > > 8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted >Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol truck," >or >"big ol boy." "Fixin'" as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store" is 2nd. And >"Y'all" is 3rd. > > > > 9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone, >directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to >drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for >that vehicle. > > > > 10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay >out >of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse >still, that you will ever hear. > > > > 11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. >In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license >plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was >purchased. > > > > 12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let >alone eating. > > > > 13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until >December. > > > > 14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most >minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local >grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It >is >just something you're supposed to do. > > > > 15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase >one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, >bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and >should, therefore, be prominently displayed. > > > > 16. Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid >defense. > > > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________________________ >Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite >Visit http://freeworld.excite.com ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html ----------------------------------------------------------------------------