Asalamu alaikum G-L Below is an interesting article which I am sure a lot of you will enjoy reading and most importantly change your life (courtesy of brother mambuna, gambianmuslims) Mansour > Take the Test... > > How many of these characteristics describe you as a husband? > > - I Wake up my wife for Fajr. > - I teach my wife, and I do all it takes for her to learn Islam. > - I talk to my family about the example of the Prophet, sallallaahu > alayhewa > sallam and I strive to emulate his example as a husband. > - I know it is my responsibility to help with housework and I give my > wife days > off and do the work she would normally do. > - I assist my wife in the care of our children. > - I am patient with my wife and I show her love and affection. > - I speak to my wife in a kind, respectful and gentle manner. > - I sit with my family and present topics for discussion. > - I ask my wife for advice and I accept and appreciate getting > constructive > criticism from her. > - I take my wife out for recreation and exercise. > > By: Abu Ayyoob Adullah al-Ansari > al-Jumuah magazine > > When we seek out knowledge about marriage we see that the Qur'an and > Sunnah > have assigned tremendous importance to the marriage contract and have > distinguished it above all other contracts. Indeed the Prophet, > sallallaahu > alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a man marries, he has completed half of > his > religion and he needs only to fear Allah to complete the other half." > (Mishkat) > In the Qur'an, Allah says, "And how could you take it (back) while you > have gone > in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong > covenant?" > [4:21] > > Purpose of Marriage > > Therefore, marriage must be entered into whole-heartedly and taken very > seriously by each of the two partners, and both of them must be > committed to > making their marriage a success. A marriage is truly successful and > prosperous > only when it is mutually rewarding. Allah suggests that both partners > come > together to cover, protect and beautify each other in the same way that > a > garment covers, protects and beautifies the one who wears it. [2:187] > Through > this metaphor, we understand that when twopeople get married, they cease > to > consider themselves individuals but insteadas a couple - each person > benefiting > by the other equally. In order to > flourish, there can be no hint of selfishness or refusal tocompromise > between > them. There must be an agreement between the two partners that each of > them will > work together to solve whatever problems arise.They will assist one > another and > sacrifice in order to gain mutual happiness, pleasure and peace. This is > the > purpose and goal of marriage according to the Shari'ah. As the Lord of > the > Heavens and Earth has said, "He it is who has created you from a single > person > and [then] He has created from him his wife, in order that he might > enjoy the > pleasure of living with her." [7:189] Allah has designated specific > roles for > both partners. Only when these rights are observed and these obligations > > fulfilled, can > tranquillity descend upon the couple and security surround them in their > certain > success. If either of the two partners, out of ignorance or intention > refuses to > fulfill his or her duties and thereby does nothonor the rights of the > other, the > household becomes a living Hell. > > Unfortunately, this is a common situation today. Let us focus now on > the > responsibilities and desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband.Many > brothers > have never asked themselves: "What are the rights of a wife upon her > husband?", > "What is my responsibility toward her?", "What do I owe her?" Never > asking these > questions, or answering them with ignorance, causes many problems in > Muslim > households. What are the characteristics every man should possess in > order to be > a good husband to his wife? The example of the Prophet Muhammed, > sallallaahu > alayhe wa sallam, is the ideal model. Let us look specifically at these > characteristics and how we may achieve them in our lives. > > Starting Point > > First of all let us understand that Islam is a complete way of life > which > offers guidance for mankind in all matters. Allah is the All-Knowing the > > All-Wise and He has taken account of everything which concerns us. He > has > included the solution to all of our problems in His Shari'ah. Nothing > has been > overlooked. The characteristics of a Muslim husband and the way to > acquire them > have been made clearer and easier to accomplish through the example of > Prophet > Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Allah says, "Indeed you have in > the > messenger of Allah a most excellent example of conduct for him who looks > forward > to the meeting with Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much." > [33:21] > Unfortunately many brothersinterpret this in a limited way - they focus > on what > we know of the > dress and physical attributes of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa > sallam, and > his Sahaba. There is no question that the best example of a husband and > father > is the Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Why is it,then, > that so > many of us are so far from his example in this area? Could it be that > other > examples around us influence our behavior more? Do we believe that our > financial > contribution should represent our dedication to our families? Or have we > > deliberately ignored the model Allah has provided us. Allah has taught > us that > if we want to achieve Allah's pleasure in all spheres of life, the best > example > for us is His Messenger, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Indeed, the > Prophet, > sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, himself has informed us that the > excellence of his > example encompasses and includes everything, especially his behavior > toward his > wives. He, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "The bestof you are those > who are > best toward their wives and I am the best ofyou toward my wives." > (Tirmithi) > > Piety & Fear of Allah > > This subject is not new. When Ata' and Ubaydullah ibn Umayr once asked > Aisha > about the nature of Prophet Mohammed' s behavior with her: "Aisha > started to > weep and said, 'One night he stood up [intending to offer the night > prayer] and > said, 'O Aisha, let me be alone so that I may worship my Lord.' He stood > up, > purified himself and continued to pray and weep until the ground became > wet. > Bilal came and made the adhan. When he saw the Prophet crying, he said, > 'O > Messenger of Allah [why do] you cry,when Allah has forgiven your past > and future > sins?' Prophet Mohammed replied,'[Then, for that] should I not be a > thankful > slave?'" (Ibn Hibban) > > This is one example that demonstrates the intensity of our Prophet's > devotion to > his Lord - his extreme piety and tremendous fear of Allah. Any man, who > wishes > to emulate him, should start by emulating his taqwa (piety). For it is > taqwa of > the heart which serves as a foundation for good deeds, manners and > morals and > makes the observance of the rights of others easy. If a man really and > truly > wants to be a good husband to his wife, he must also possess fear of > Allah. If a > man has the fear of Allah, and it is this fear that most influences his > relationship and his > dealings with his wife, he fears what Allah may do to him if he harms > her or > treats her in a way that is unjust and therefore will never mistreat her > in any > way - physically or verbally. He knows that he has to meet Allah and > answer for > all that he has said and done. Indeed this is why Hasan ibn Ali said > when asked, > "'O Hasan I have a daughter. To whom do you think I should marry her?' > Hasan > said, 'Marry her to [a man] who [fears Allah]; for if he [truly fears > Allah] and > if he loves her he will honor her and [even] if he doesn't love her, he > will > never oppress or abuse her [because he fears Allah].'" > > Education > > Among the most important rights a woman has is her right to be educated > about > her religion. This responsibility is incumbent upon her husband. > Therefore, one > of the most desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband is that he > himself is > knowledgeable about Islam and teaches his wife whatever he knows. Why > would any > Muslim husband want to deny his wife this right? Is it not his wife who > will > guide his children as they grow? > > Isn't she the one who teaches them about haram and halal? Isn't she the > one to > see that they learn to pray and fast? Isn't she the one who must protect > her > husband's place and belongings in his absence according to Islamic > guidelines? > If her knowledge about the deen is limited, the entire family will > suffer. Many > men seek to shelter their wives from outside influences by forbidding > them to > participate in outside activities. Many men may fear that if their > wife's emaan > becomes > stronger, she will object to his behavior or certain weaknesses in his > character. These are reasons that should compel us to participate in her > Islamic > education, so as she learns, so will we. Couples can discuss topics > that > concern them and agree on how they will integrate new information into > their > family's routine. With this type of cooperation, there is less room for > misunderstandings, and less opportunity for one Muslim to feel superior > to > another within the household. This > practice will draw the family members closer to each other and, more > importantly, closer to Allah. > > "O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire > whose fuel > is men and stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern and severe, > who do > not hesitate to fulfill the commandments of Allah [to inflict > punishment upon > the people of Hell] but [rather] they do [precisely] what they have > been > commanded [to do]!" [66:6] > > We can see that taking an active role in our family's Islamic education > protects > our families from the fire of Hell. We must strive to set the best > example > possible for our children, wives and brothers in Islam. It is only by > taking > personal responsibility, that we can improve the current state of the > Ummah. We > are creating Muslim communities where our children and grandchildren and > > brothers and sisters in Islam will find themselves flourishing or > deteriorating > in. We must ensure that they have the means to flourish by improving our > own > knowledge of Islam and constantly sharing it with our families. We need > not look > far to see members of our Ummah who have failed to keep Islam as the > central > focus in their > homes. Let us move forward by each of us looking at ourselves and asking > Allah > to help us to achieve this goal. > > If we fail to reach this goal, the consequences in the Hereafter are > even more > grave, especially for the husband. As the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa > sallam, > said, "Each one of you is a shepherd and every shepherd will be asked > about his > flock... and the man will be asked about his family." (Bukhari and > Muslim) When > the Day of Judgment comes, will our reasons for not educating our > families be > sufficient for Allah? Will we be able to offer any excuse after Allah > and His > Messenger have made it clear that educating our wives is a duty enjoined > upon > him that he will be asked about? > > Brothers, do your wives read the Qur'an, Hadeeth and Seerah of Prophet > Mohammed, > sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam? Do they understand their meanings? Do they > > practice what they have learned? It is our obligation to make certain > that our > wives have the opportunity and means to continuously increase their > knowledge. > To do so will not only please Allah but will improve the relations of > everyone > in our homes, our Ummah,and inshaAllah the societies in which we live. > > Presentation is key > > Another responsibility of the Muslim husband is to assist his wife in > obeying > the commands of Allah. If she should transgress the limits of Allah, > then it > becomes his duty to advise her, admonish her and actually physically > prevent her > from doing so. However, it is the right of the wife that this > admonishment be > coupled with kindness and mercy. As Allah says, "And [it was] by the > Mercy of > Allah, [that] you dealt gently with them. And had you been severe and > harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so overlook > their > faults, ask that [Allah's] > forgiveness be granted to them and consult with them in [the] affairs of > the > moment." [3:159] Therefore, if a husband is overbearing and insisting, > his > wife's behavior will most likely not be corrected. She may even persist > in her > disobedience, returning his cruelty. Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu > alayhe wa > sallam, advised us to "treat women kindly. [The] woman has been created > from a > rib [which is curved]. The most crooked part of the rib is the uppermost > part. > If you were to try [to force] it straight you will [certainly] break it > and if > you > leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So [admonish] women > kindly."(Bukhari > and Muslim) So when a husband offers advise, or reminds or admonishes > his wife, > he must take this hadeeth into consideration and exercise his authority > in a > gentle manner in order to bring about the desiredresult. > > A wife is an Advisor > > The nature of marriage is one of a continuous growing relationship.Every > person > has likes and dislikes and wants to feel his or her opinion matters. > Also, > because a husband and wife spend many hours, days andyears together, > InshaAllah, > they get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses very well. It is > for this > reason that a wife can be the best advisor for her husband. Also, > sometimes we > are so involved in other aspects of a situation that we find it hard to > find a > suitable > solution. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, used to discuss > certain > matters with his wives and ask for their advice. An example of this > happened > shortly after the treaty of Hudaybeyah was signed. Many of the Prophet's > > companions were displeased with the treaty and the great number of > compromises > it contained. So, when the Prophet ordered the companions to shave their > heads, > slaughter their animals and prepare to return to Madinah, instead of > complying > as they had always done in the past, the companions remained in their > places. > This greatly disturbed the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, for > his > companions had never disobeyed him in this manner before. He, > sallallaahu alayhe > wa sallam, went to Umm Salamah and asked her for advice. She told him, > "You are > the > Messenger of Allah. Shave your head and slaughter your animal and the > people > will do as you have done." So the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, > had his > head shaved and slaughtered his animal and the people followed him. > > Because a wife usually knows her husband better than anyone else,it is > naturally her place to offer him constructive criticism and it is her > husband's > duty to consider it. Many men would not like to hear criticism from > their wives, > but, many times she is the best one to offer an accurate assessment of > his > character and behavior. We should realize that none of us is perfect, > and that > Allah allowed us this safe relationship where we can offer help to one > another > and use every opportunity available to improve ourselves and the image > we > present as a model > for our families, friends and others. As Umar ibnul Khattab once said, > "May > Allah have Mercy upon the one who points out my shortcomings." > > Graceful Helper > > Isn't that women's work? That is the opinion that many of us have.It is > true > that most of the time, women care for the house and children.But, this > does not > mean that it should be their responsibility alone. The Prophet, > sallallaahu > alayhe wa sallam, never enjoyed coming home to relax in leisure after a > hard day > at work. His work did not end with his coming home; instead, a new order > of > engagements and activities commenced. Aisha was once asked, "How was the > > Prophet's conduct in his home?" She said, "He was like one of you at > home, yet > he was most lenient and most > generous. His spirits were high at all times, [he] smiled and even > joined [us] > in laughter at times. He was ready to give a helping hand to his wives > in the > ordinary work of the house, [he] sew[ed] his own clothes [and] mend[ed] > his own > shoes. In general, he helped in whatever work his wives did. However, > when the > call to prayer was pronounced, he dropped everything and hurried to the > masjid." > (Tabaqat of Ibn Sad) So the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, > showed us > that weshould deal with our wives with consideration for their sensitive > and > delicate nature in all things. The same kind and gentle manner > prescribed for > correcting her should also exist with what we view as her work. We know > about > the Prophet's opinion that his work did not end at the doorway to his > home. He > took the initiative to do whatever needed to be done. This idea is very > important today. Many of us do not realize the amount of effort that > goes into > keeping the house clean, the children cared for and the meals prepared. > Brothers > just try to imagine what your lives would be like if for some reason you > had to > do all of this by yourself, in addition to a job outside the home. It > would > seem impossible. It > helps to show your wife that you appreciate her efforts. You may tell > her that > you appreciate her, but do you show her? When was the last time you did > the > laundry, ran the vacuum, changed a diaper, provided a home-cooked meal > for your > family, or gave your wife a day off (while you completed her chores for > that > day)? This may seem strange to you, but I guarantee that if you did this > at > least once a month, your relationship with your wife will become even > better. > Showing the initiative to help your wife, and lessen her burden will > mean so > much more to her than the effort you put forth. > > Although active participation in the housework and the care of the > children was > never a problem for the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, it seems > to be > inconceivable to many modern men. They feel that housework is beneath > them and > that if they were to stoop to that level, their peers would see them as > weak - > perhaps controlled by their wives. The reality is that Prophet > Muhammed, > sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, was the ruler of Madinah, Commanding > General of > the Muslim military, the Imam of the Muslims, their Grand Mufti and > Allah's > Khaleel and His Chosen Messenger as well as the head of a number of > households. > Yet all of this status and rank did not detract from his humility or > cause him > to > think that household chores were beneath him. > > Ask yourself which of the men in your Muslim community have been > happily > married for twenty or more years? We cannot assume that merely being > twenty > years together means they are both happy. Find a man who you know to be > happy > and family-oriented and who speaks highly of his wife. Go and ask him > what his > wife appreciates most about him. Here you will find your answer. More > than > likely, this man cares more about the happiness of his family than the > opinions > of the men around him. > > Healthy Body, Healthy Mind > > Doesn't it feel good when you play your favorite sport? You get to un > and use > your body and make yourself tired. Isn't this better than feeling tired > from > worrying or working too hard? Allah has directed us to take care of our > bodies, > not only men but women also. Aisha reported, "I raced with the Prophet, > sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and beat him in the race.Later, after I > had put on > some weight, we raced again. This time he was the winner. At that time > he said > to me, "This one cancels that one." (Abu Dawud) On another occasion > Aisha said, > "By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah standing at the door of my > house, while > the Abyssinians were displaying their skill with spears in the courtyard > of the > Prophet's masjid. He concealed me with his cloth so that I could see > their play > and he stood there for me until I [became tired and] left. So, be > understanding > of the young woman who is eager for entertainment." (Muslim) Here we can > see > that it was not the intention of Allah tokeep a woman in her house, > hidden from > any temptation to participate in physical exercise. In fact, it is one > of the > duties and responsibilities of the Muslim husband to spend quality time > with his > wife and to allow her to engage in permissible forms of recreation. It > is really > not right > for a husband to go out to play a game while his wife remains tucked > awayin the > house with no one to talk to except a three-year-old. > > Many brothers feel that the Islamic regulations concerning hijab forbid > a woman > to leave the house for recreation, but the above evidences seem to > refute this > position. In fact, when a woman wears hijab, she is recognized as a > Muslim > woman and thus protected from being molested. And, the society is > protected from > the fitnah that would occur if she were not properly clothed. Husbands > have to > realize that women need exercise, just as much, if not more than they > do. Men > are often complaining about their> wives' weight, but as soon as a wife > asksther > husband to take her out for a walk so that she might lose some weight he > says, > "No, your place is in the home!" A Muslim husband must take his wife out > on a > regular basis for recreation. Some permissible types are as follows: > Horseback > riding, a trip to a country farm or park, a zoo, a museum, picnic (in a > secluded > place), a scenic drive, fishing, or boating. These are just a few of the > many > things that the Shari'ah has either encouraged or permitted. In all > circumstances the woman should wear the proper hijab and seclusion > should be > sought. Even if others are around the woman, she may still enjoy herself > within > limits. > > May Allah guide the Muslim husbands and allow them to see the importance > of this > matter. > > On Loan from Allah > > We know that everything we possess is on loan from Allah. He enables us > to earn > money through our work in this world. We do our best to use that money > to > provide for our families in the best way possible. > > The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a person spends > upon his > family, hoping for reward from Allah, then that spending is counted (in > his > record of good deeds) as a charity." (Bukhari and Muslim) Allah says, > "Let the > man of means spend according to his means, [as for]the man whose > resources are > limited, let him spend according to what Allah has given him." [65:7] > > Truth or Consequence > > Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, says, "'O you who believe! Why do you say > that which > you do not do? Most hateful it is in the sight of Allah that you say > that which > you do not do." [61:2-3]. There must be total agreement between our > words and > deeds. One should carry into effect whatever he says, and when he has > no > intention of doing it, or lacks the means necessary to fulfill a > promise, he > should not say it. > > We can see that Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, was not > typical > for the men around him in many ways. We also know that his way was the > best in > the Sight of Allah. Allah wanted his life to be the example we have to > follow. > We see others around us behaving in one way and we have the Sunnah as a > contrasting example. We see families in turmoil, divorce becoming more > common, > children disinterested in Islam and our elders crying. We must all > become active > participants in the ummah. > > It is our responsibility to influence the world around us, not to > succumb to > its influence on us. We must strive everyday to emulate the perfect > example > Allah has given us. We must work harder to participate in our families' > Islamic > education, we must show our wives that we appreciate their efforts by > helping > them, and we must also encourage them to seek more knowledge about Islam > in > order to enrich our children with such an environment. We need to check > our > behavior when dealing with our wives. Are we really treating them in a > kind and > gentle manner? Do we always do what we say? > > When the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "When a man > marries he > has completed half of his religion and he needs only fear Allah, > subhanahu wa > ta'ala, to complete the other half." (Mishkat), he was reminding us > that > marriage is not separate from, but part of the deen. Therefore, all > aspects of > our marital relationship should follow the way of Islam. ---------------------- Dr M Mansour Ceesay [log in to unmask] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Porsche Boxter. You and a friend. Nine dream days from Napa Valley to Beverly Hills. Provided by CarsDirect.com. Click to enter. http://click.egroups.com/1/4882/4/_/230531/_/960317235/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ To Post a message, send it to: [log in to unmask] To Unsubscribe, send a blank message to: [log in to unmask] --- End Forwarded Message --- ---------------------- Mansour Ceesay [log in to unmask] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html ----------------------------------------------------------------------------