Sulayman, this piece made my day after a rough day at work and I think it did the same thing you too. Thanx Ebou Secka >From: sulayman jobarteh <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list ><[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 14:41:10 GMT > >Thanks Ebou for this funny dose of laughter. I guess this is just to make >us >laugh or is it true? I hope not. > >Saul > > >>From: Ebou Secka <[log in to unmask]> >>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list >><[log in to unmask]> >>To: [log in to unmask] >>Subject: FW: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >>Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 06:21:57 GMT >> >>Guys and Gals, please enjoy this set of policies. They might help in >>better >>managing our offices and businesses. >> >> >>>Subject: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >>> >>>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >>>NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE >>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. >>>If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. >> >>>SURGERY: >>>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, >>>you need all your organs. You should not consider removing >>>anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed >>>constitutes a breach of employment. >>> >>>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: >>>This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do >>>for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be >>>made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. >>>In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral >>>should >>>be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work >>>through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided >>>your >>>share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence. >> >>>YOUR OWN DEATH: >>>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two >>>weeks >>>notice as it is your duty to train your replacement. >>>REST ROOM USE: >>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the >>>future,we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. >>>For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, >>>employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. >>>If >>>you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the >>>next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees >>>may >>>swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing >>>must >>>approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time >>>limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will >>>sound, >>>the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open. >> >>>PAYCHECK GUIDE: >>>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees >>>better understand their paychecks: >>>Item Amount >>>Gross pay $1,222.02 >>>Income tax $244.40 >>>Outgo tax $45.21 >>>State tax $11.61 >>>Interstate tax $61.10 >>>County tax $6.11 >>>City tax $12.22 >>>Rural tax $4.44 >>>Back tax $1.11 >>>Front tax $1.16 >>>Side tax $1.61 >>>Up tax $2.22 >>>Down tax $1.11 >>>Tic-Tacs $1.98 >>>Thumbtacks $3.93 >>>Carpet tacks $0.98 >>>Stadium tax $0.69 >>>Flat tax $8.32 >>>Surtax $3.46 >>>Corporate tax $2.60 >>>Parking fee $5.00 >>>F.I.C.A. $81.88 >>>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 >>>Life insurance $5.85 >>>Health insurance $16.23 >>>Dental insurance $4.50 >>>Mental insurance $4.33 >>>Reassurance $0.11 >>>Disability $2.50 >>>Ability $0.25 >>>Liability $3.41 >>>Unreliability $10.99 >>>Coffee $6.85 >>>Coffee Cups $66.51 >>>Floor rental $16.85 >>>Chair rental $0.32 >>>Desk rental $4.32 >>>Union dues $5.85 >>>Union don'ts $3.77 >>>Cash advance $0.69 >>>Cash retreats $121.35 >>>Overtime $1.26 >>>Undertime $54.83 >>>Eastern time $9.00 >>>Central time $8.00 >>>Mountain time $7.00 >>>Pacific time $6.00 >>>Time Out $12.21 >>>Oxygen $10.02 >>>Water $16.54 >>>Heat $51.42 >>>Cool air $26.83 >>>Hot air $20.00 >>>Miscellaneous $113.29 >>>Sundry $12.09 >>>Various $8.01 >>>Net Take Home Pay $0.02 >> >>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide >>>a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, >>>concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, >>>insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, >>>consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. >>>Have a nice week. >> >>________________________________________________________________________ >>Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >>To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >>Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >>You may also send subscription requests to >>[log in to unmask] >>if you have problems accessing the web interface >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >You may also send subscription requests to >[log in to unmask] >if you have problems accessing the web interface >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface ----------------------------------------------------------------------------