Guys and Gals, please enjoy this set of policies. They might help in better managing our offices and businesses. >Subject: MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES > >MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES >NEW COMPANY POLICIES: SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE >We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. >If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. >SURGERY: >Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, >you need all your organs. You should not consider removing >anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed >constitutes a breach of employment. > >BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: >This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do >for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be >made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. >In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should >be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work >through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided >your >share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence. >YOUR OWN DEATH: >This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks >notice as it is your duty to train your replacement. >REST ROOM USE: >Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the >future,we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. >For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, >employees whose names being with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. >If >you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the >next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may >swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing >must >approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time >limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, >the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door open. >PAYCHECK GUIDE: >The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees >better understand their paychecks: >Item Amount >Gross pay $1,222.02 >Income tax $244.40 >Outgo tax $45.21 >State tax $11.61 >Interstate tax $61.10 >County tax $6.11 >City tax $12.22 >Rural tax $4.44 >Back tax $1.11 >Front tax $1.16 >Side tax $1.61 >Up tax $2.22 >Down tax $1.11 >Tic-Tacs $1.98 >Thumbtacks $3.93 >Carpet tacks $0.98 >Stadium tax $0.69 >Flat tax $8.32 >Surtax $3.46 >Corporate tax $2.60 >Parking fee $5.00 >F.I.C.A. $81.88 >T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 >Life insurance $5.85 >Health insurance $16.23 >Dental insurance $4.50 >Mental insurance $4.33 >Reassurance $0.11 >Disability $2.50 >Ability $0.25 >Liability $3.41 >Unreliability $10.99 >Coffee $6.85 >Coffee Cups $66.51 >Floor rental $16.85 >Chair rental $0.32 >Desk rental $4.32 >Union dues $5.85 >Union don'ts $3.77 >Cash advance $0.69 >Cash retreats $121.35 >Overtime $1.26 >Undertime $54.83 >Eastern time $9.00 >Central time $8.00 >Mountain time $7.00 >Pacific time $6.00 >Time Out $12.21 >Oxygen $10.02 >Water $16.54 >Heat $51.42 >Cool air $26.83 >Hot air $20.00 >Miscellaneous $113.29 >Sundry $12.09 >Various $8.01 >Net Take Home Pay $0.02 >Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide >a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, >concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, >insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, >consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. >Have a nice week. ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface ----------------------------------------------------------------------------