Mr. Elow, Of all these what are you? kalilu >From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list ><[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT > >This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman. >The >human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company. After >reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst. >What >do you think? > > >THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!! > >© R&R Productions, >"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People >at >Their Worst", McGraw Hill. > > >Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that what >they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme, and >therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or >thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people. > >THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’: >Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ others >appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too >long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior >becomes >more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the >Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All. > > >THE TANK >On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right over >you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet >the >irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. In >an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank behavior >ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression. > >THE SNIPER >A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their satisfaction, >the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation. >Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use >to >their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at >times >when you are most vulnerable. > >THE KNOW-IT-ALL >The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation >with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding >flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know >-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn down >quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up. > >_________________________________________________________________________ > > > >THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’: >Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’ >everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To add >insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly >fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When >sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly >pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person, >and >the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior. > > > >THE WHINER >In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless to >create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around what >can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the >feeling >of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as >evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine: >“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course, >serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating situation >provokes further whining. > >NO PERSON >Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in the >face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless. >Certain >that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about >letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't >work >then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you >different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause." >This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of >despair. > >NOTHING PERSON >When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, some >people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may >be >one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: “Fine! >Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From that >point on, they do and say...Nothing. > > > >THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS: >Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with >people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take >reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes >increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The >three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes and >Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person. > > > >THE NOTHING PERSON >Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels >at >tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say >anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. >This, >in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting >someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a >perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person >can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really ‘Get >Along’ with anyone. > >THE YES PERSON >Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please everyone >else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually >thinking >about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow >through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and to >the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over >promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or >she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where the >promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because >all >their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This >produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and >can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage. > >THE MAYBE PERSON >The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the >wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who would >be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge until >someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the >other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is >intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the >Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others. > > > > >THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE: >Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ from >people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the >reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be taken >personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct >proportion >to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly >aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting >behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are the >Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All. > > > >GRENADE BEHAVIOR >They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any >respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening. >Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody >around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# I >don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for >me! >KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since >this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the >Grenade >is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1 > >THE FRIENDLY SNIPER >This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of >attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an >exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping. >Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of offending, >a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the >receiving >end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be >laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the >inside. > >THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR >The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths, >jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and >enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and mislead >an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue >with >them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back >down till you look as foolish as they do. > > > > >TO SUMMARIZE: >* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is >thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls. > >* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ is >thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing people. > >* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ is >thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing >people. > >* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get >Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades, >Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers. > >As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people >can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted, >you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be surprised, >since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who hasn’t >whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their >true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly accused >or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult >people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or >recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that these >behaviors are observable and changeable. > >The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s >perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they think >is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based >on >your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome, >either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with people >at their worst is, in large measure, up to you. > >The Lens of Understanding... > > >Posted by Essa. > >_________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. > >Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >http://profiles.msn.com. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >You may also send subscription requests to >[log in to unmask] >if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your >full name and e-mail address. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your full name and e-mail address. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------