Karl, I really dont't know. To give it my best shot, I think I exhibit a little bit of each scenario. But I'm definite that I can't be categorized or associated with one extreme ONLY. That's my best answer. ET TU? >From: kalilu camara <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list ><[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 03:55:43 GMT > >Mr. Elow, >Of all these what are you? > kalilu > >>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]> >>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list >><[log in to unmask]> >>To: [log in to unmask] >>Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT >> >>This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman. >>The >>human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company. After >>reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst. >>What >>do you think? >> >> >>THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!! >> >>© R&R Productions, >>"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People >>at >>Their Worst", McGraw Hill. >> >> >>Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that what >>they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme, >>and >>therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or >>thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people. >> >>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’: >>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ others >>appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too >>long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior >>becomes >>more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the >>Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All. >> >> >>THE TANK >>On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right >>over >>you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet >>the >>irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. In >>an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank behavior >>ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression. >> >>THE SNIPER >>A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their satisfaction, >>the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation. >>Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use >>to >>their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at >>times >>when you are most vulnerable. >> >>THE KNOW-IT-ALL >>The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation >>with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding >>flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know >>-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn down >>quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up. >> >>_________________________________________________________________________ >> >> >> >>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’: >>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’ >>everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To >>add >>insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly >>fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When >>sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly >>pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person, >>and >>the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior. >> >> >> >>THE WHINER >>In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless to >>create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around what >>can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the >>feeling >>of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as >>evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine: >>“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course, >>serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating situation >>provokes further whining. >> >>NO PERSON >>Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in >>the >>face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless. >>Certain >>that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about >>letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't >>work >>then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you >>different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause." >>This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of >>despair. >> >>NOTHING PERSON >>When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, some >>people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may >>be >>one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: “Fine! >>Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From that >>point on, they do and say...Nothing. >> >> >> >>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS: >>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with >>people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take >>reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes >>increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The >>three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes >>and >>Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person. >> >> >> >>THE NOTHING PERSON >>Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels >>at >>tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say >>anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. >>This, >>in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting >>someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a >>perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person >>can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really >>‘Get >>Along’ with anyone. >> >>THE YES PERSON >>Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please >>everyone >>else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually >>thinking >>about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow >>through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and >>to >>the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over >>promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or >>she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where the >>promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because >>all >>their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This >>produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and >>can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage. >> >>THE MAYBE PERSON >>The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the >>wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who >>would >>be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge until >>someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the >>other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is >>intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the >>Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others. >> >> >> >> >>THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE: >>Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ from >>people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the >>reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be taken >>personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct >>proportion >>to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly >>aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting >>behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are the >>Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All. >> >> >> >>GRENADE BEHAVIOR >>They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any >>respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening. >>Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody >>around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# I >>don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for >>me! >>KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since >>this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the >>Grenade >>is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1 >> >>THE FRIENDLY SNIPER >>This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of >>attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an >>exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping. >>Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of >>offending, >>a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the >>receiving >>end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be >>laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the >>inside. >> >>THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR >>The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths, >>jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and >>enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and mislead >>an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue >>with >>them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back >>down till you look as foolish as they do. >> >> >> >> >>TO SUMMARIZE: >>* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is >>thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls. >> >>* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ is >>thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing people. >> >>* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ is >>thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing >>people. >> >>* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get >>Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades, >>Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers. >> >>As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people >>can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted, >>you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be >>surprised, >>since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who >>hasn’t >>whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their >>true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly >>accused >>or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult >>people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or >>recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that these >>behaviors are observable and changeable. >> >>The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s >>perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they think >>is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based >>on >>your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome, >>either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with people >>at their worst is, in large measure, up to you. >> >>The Lens of Understanding... >> >> >>Posted by Essa. >> >>_________________________________________________________________________ >>Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. >> >>Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >>http://profiles.msn.com. >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >>To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >>Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >>You may also send subscription requests to >>[log in to unmask] >>if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write >>your >>full name and e-mail address. >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >_________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. > >Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >http://profiles.msn.com. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >You may also send subscription requests to >[log in to unmask] >if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your >full name and e-mail address. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your full name and e-mail address. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------