Dear Friend, Join the club I was once call "jack of all trade master of none". I think all of us do exhibit a little of each trade, only the genius among us like you see the total picture.To tell you the truth with that kind of trush on issues i cant but say hmmm "hope". Thanks for your indeept contributions. karl >From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list ><[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >Date: Mon, 2 Oct 2000 13:34:03 GMT > >Karl, > >I really dont't know. To give it my best shot, I think I exhibit a little >bit of each scenario. But I'm definite that I can't be categorized or >associated with one extreme ONLY. That's my best answer. > >ET TU? > >>From: kalilu camara <[log in to unmask]> >>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list >><[log in to unmask]> >>To: [log in to unmask] >>Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 03:55:43 GMT >> >>Mr. Elow, >>Of all these what are you? >> kalilu >> >>>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]> >>>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list >>><[log in to unmask]> >>>To: [log in to unmask] >>>Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS! >>>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT >>> >>>This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman. >>>The >>>human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company. After >>>reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst. >>>What >>>do you think? >>> >>> >>>THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!! >>> >>>© R&R Productions, >>>"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People >>>at >>>Their Worst", McGraw Hill. >>> >>> >>>Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that >>>what >>>they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme, >>>and >>>therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or >>>thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people. >>> >>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’: >>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ >>>others >>>appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking >>>too >>>long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior >>>becomes >>>more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the >>>Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All. >>> >>> >>>THE TANK >>>On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right >>>over >>>you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet >>>the >>>irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. >>>In >>>an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank >>>behavior >>>ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression. >>> >>>THE SNIPER >>>A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their >>>satisfaction, >>>the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation. >>>Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use >>>to >>>their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at >>>times >>>when you are most vulnerable. >>> >>>THE KNOW-IT-ALL >>>The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation >>>with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding >>>flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know >>>-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn >>>down >>>quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up. >>> >>>_________________________________________________________________________ >>> >>> >>> >>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’: >>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’ >>>everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To >>>add >>>insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly >>>fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When >>>sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly >>>pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person, >>>and >>>the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior. >>> >>> >>> >>>THE WHINER >>>In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless >>>to >>>create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around >>>what >>>can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the >>>feeling >>>of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as >>>evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine: >>>“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course, >>>serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating >>>situation >>>provokes further whining. >>> >>>NO PERSON >>>Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in >>>the >>>face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless. >>>Certain >>>that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about >>>letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't >>>work >>>then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you >>>different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause." >>>This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of >>>despair. >>> >>>NOTHING PERSON >>>When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, >>>some >>>people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may >>>be >>>one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: >>>“Fine! >>>Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From >>>that >>>point on, they do and say...Nothing. >>> >>> >>> >>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS: >>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with >>>people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take >>>reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes >>>increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. >>>The >>>three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes >>>and >>>Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person. >>> >>> >>> >>>THE NOTHING PERSON >>>Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels >>>at >>>tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say >>>anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. >>>This, >>>in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting >>>someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a >>>perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing >>>Person >>>can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really >>>‘Get >>>Along’ with anyone. >>> >>>THE YES PERSON >>>Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please >>>everyone >>>else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually >>>thinking >>>about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow >>>through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and >>>to >>>the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over >>>promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or >>>she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where >>>the >>>promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because >>>all >>>their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This >>>produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and >>>can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage. >>> >>>THE MAYBE PERSON >>>The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the >>>wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who >>>would >>>be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge >>>until >>>someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all >>>the >>>other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is >>>intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the >>>Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE: >>>Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ >>>from >>>people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the >>>reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be >>>taken >>>personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct >>>proportion >>>to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly >>>aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting >>>behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are >>>the >>>Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All. >>> >>> >>> >>>GRENADE BEHAVIOR >>>They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any >>>respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening. >>>Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody >>>around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# >>>I >>>don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for >>>me! >>>KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since >>>this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the >>>Grenade >>>is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1 >>> >>>THE FRIENDLY SNIPER >>>This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of >>>attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an >>>exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping. >>>Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of >>>offending, >>>a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the >>>receiving >>>end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be >>>laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the >>>inside. >>> >>>THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR >>>The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths, >>>jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and >>>enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and >>>mislead >>>an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue >>>with >>>them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back >>>down till you look as foolish as they do. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>>TO SUMMARIZE: >>>* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is >>>thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls. >>> >>>* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ >>>is >>>thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing >>>people. >>> >>>* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ >>>is >>>thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing >>>people. >>> >>>* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get >>>Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades, >>>Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers. >>> >>>As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people >>>can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted, >>>you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be >>>surprised, >>>since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who >>>hasn’t >>>whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their >>>true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly >>>accused >>>or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult >>>people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or >>>recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that >>>these >>>behaviors are observable and changeable. >>> >>>The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s >>>perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they >>>think >>>is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based >>>on >>>your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome, >>>either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with >>>people >>>at their worst is, in large measure, up to you. >>> >>>The Lens of Understanding... >>> >>> >>>Posted by Essa. >>> >>>_________________________________________________________________________ >>>Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. >>> >>>Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >>>http://profiles.msn.com. >>> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>>To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >>>Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >>>You may also send subscription requests to >>>[log in to unmask] >>>if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write >>>your >>>full name and e-mail address. >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >>_________________________________________________________________________ >>Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. >> >>Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >>http://profiles.msn.com. >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >>To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >>Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >>You may also send subscription requests to >>[log in to unmask] >>if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write >>your >>full name and e-mail address. >>---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >_________________________________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. > >Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at >http://profiles.msn.com. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L >Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html >You may also send subscription requests to >[log in to unmask] >if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your >full name and e-mail address. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html You may also send subscription requests to [log in to unmask] if you have problems accessing the web interface and remember to write your full name and e-mail address. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------