MR. KNOW-ALL PULLS A FAKE

By Baba Galleh Jallow

Our gentle Mr. Know-All was an interesting guy. He was not only interesting, but was seen to be interesting. To fake or not to fake, that was the question, as far as our gentle Rhinehart Soberlook of the nimble face was concerned. When, just awoken from sleep, our handsome Mr. Know-All peered at himself at the mirror, he just could not believe that he was so handsome and he felt a shot of pride that made his fat lips tremble.

Sometimes, Mr. Know-All could just not believe his luck. On so many nights, alone in the darkness of his spacious room, curled in a warm blanket, Mr. Know-All would munch his cheeks and wonder, and silently ponder over his dream of a life. Ah, no, this could not be me, he would gladly muse. But when he pinched his nose or pulled his prominent ears, he knew that it was indeed him. That this was not a dream and he was not Alice in Wonderland. He was the famous Mr. Know-All of Jantaji fame, lord and master of the world-renowned Jahasay Enterprises; Jack of all trades and master of all, the invincible Rhinehart Soberlook of Korr Yandeh fame, whose every word was a diamond, whose every thought was gold, whose every step was momla. Mi-Yappa! Mi-Dragon! Rhinehart Soberlook of the manly gait, all hail!

But often times, our gentle Rhinehart Soberlook was not content with all the great attention he commanded not only in our little town, but also in far away lands. Being naturally super-ambitious and over-determined to reach the very peak of Mount Powertop, our giant hyperlectual would devise very clever ways of spreading his giant wings. That explains why he possessed so many ID colours and even pretended to be Njomborr the clever, about whom were a million folktales of clever feats.

At some other times, Mr. Know-All pretended to be Kakatarr the chameleon, who could change his colours at every turn to suit the circumstance and environment. And if he really wanted to make his mark, our gallant Rhinehart Soberlook would pretend that he was Tan the vulture, king of birds, who combined an incredibly thick skin with boundless age-old wisdom. At such times, he would affect a sagely gait, in the manner of a vulture and proudly stick out his neck, looking this way and that, this way and that, as he gently sailed along the streets of our little town, savouring all the attention he got from our common townsfolk.

But our clever Mr. Know-All was at his best when he pretended that he was in fact the great Kumajang Gaindeharr the second, King of all the animals, supreme ruler of the fabled Busulu forest. At such times, surrounded by the admiring eyes and ears of his group of most faithful cronies, Mr. Know-All would weave amazing tales of worldly wisdom and delve into what he called "the complete book of clever wisdom" which, he would say, he actually hoped to publish in the Guinness Book of Records one fine day. He would posit theory after juicy theory to the rapturous acclaim of his faithful puppets. And then later that day, alone in his spacious bedroom, our gentle Mr. Know-All would stand for hours on end before the mirror, admiring his handsome face. Then he would loudly cheer and clap for himself before he jumped headlong into his dry-leaf bed which, he claimed, had some special powers of physical and mental regeneration.

Poor Mr. Know-All! The emperor really had no clothes!