My wife saw me expressing all kinds of emotions in the study...expressing deep pity at the subversive nihilism I see constantly on Gambian websites. She looked at me with her beautiful eyes and said, "Love, let the dead bury the dead...you belong to me, right here in my bed." I want to share some happiness and beauty because my generous heart can't resist to always remind myself of how lucky I am to be with such a loving woman.Read what she wrote about herself...Chei!!! ************* I was in conversation with a person once who asked me a very simple question with profound, insight: "If your soul had a color, what color would it be?" I quickly responded with a smile, "Sun yellow!" And my spirit danced back then to this color, with my brass-colored curly crown of short-cropped hair and my warm glowing brown skin…nature, natural, warm and free like the sun. Over the years, I often ask this question to my friends, strangers and teens; I often ask myself just to gauge my spirit. I believe today if my soul had a color, it would be blue-not just any color blue, but the color blue of the vase on the ledge of my window. It is a glass-clear, deep, warm blue. I believe I am a free spirit that sometimes wanders into oppressive territory just to observe the view and gain wisdom from the experience. I feel transparent, at times- vulnerable. I have never felt more primary, yet become more all encompassing. I have never felt more complex yet found such peace in simple things. I view myself as friendly and slightly shy. I am selective with whom I allow to really get to know me, although I am very accepting and inviting toward others. Because of this, sometimes I feel like a counselor who has no counsel. I am sometimes tired as hell of the world outside my home, the violence, the cruelty. At other times, I couldn’t be more blessed by the kindness of strangers. Personally, I don’t desire to be personal these days. This is my greatest weakness and strength lately. I am coming face to face with my own paradoxes and trying to find a way to embrace and accept all of me and continue to forgive others who can’t seem to do the same-accept themselves or forgive others. I also view myself as different, eclectic. It’s not that I feel special or singled out, I just listen to conversations of some and watch the actions of others and know I fall somewhere outside of the norm. I have also witnessed others who seem to be somewhere outside with me, because of this I never feel alone- just a member of another minority group that likes to question reality. I feel very blessed, and I don’t know why- why me, that is, or exactly what is the cost of this responsibility? I have already accomplished many of my dreams. I view myself as successful in spite of myself, not because of myself. However, because I am always setting new goals, I have a long way to go in terms of accomplishment. In a dream, I once saw myself running with a little dog on a beach shore, flying a kite and looking back towards a man standing outside of a beautiful beach house. The man was smiling at me. I felt love for him and I knew him. I see this dream becoming reality. I aspire to become a Life Coach/Leader, a speaker/lecturer and a writer exploring more ways to help others accept themselves. Today, I’ll work at finding my own center… Clarissa Middleton-Giallo __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Hotjobs: Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes http://hotjobs.sweepstakes.yahoo.com/signingbonus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~