Thanks to all of you for your interesting contributions on this very important issue. I'm Alieu Cham, a Gambian national living in Oslo. I agree with Alieu Jawara that polygamy is not synonymous with sexual infidelity. I wander who made this analogy between the two. It sounds to me like a Westerner assessing the norms, believes and practices of non-Western societies. The act of Marrying may be universal but the institution of marriage is contextual, or situated if you like. In other words, marriage has to be understood within the context in which it is contracted between two people. What it means being someones wife/husband is defined by the society in which the marriage takes place. My point is that anybody saying that polygamy is equal to sexual infidelity, in my view, lacks the basic understanding that the very notion of infidelity is problematic. This is so because fidelity/infidelity has to do with moral and, what constitutes good/bad moral is directly linked to society/community or religion. So I think this analogy is overly simplistic.
Now to the issue at hand. I think Alieu Jawara supports polygamy primarily because it is " allowed by the holy Qur'an, the primary source of muslim belief". I have to say here that i am myself a believer in the Muslim faith. However i oppose polygamy as it is ACTUALLY being practised. Jawara argued that several of Allah's prophets "who are absolutely perfect creatures" have lived polygamous lives. This brings me to the core of my objection to polygamy as it is being practised. It might have been easy for those "absolutely perfect" men of God to live polygamous lives. However it doesn't follow from this that it should be easy for OSS, the ordinary and imperfect people. It is the case that to marry more than one wife, one has to be PERFECTLY fair, in the broadest term, between the wives. This is certainly not any challenge for an absolutely perfect person but what about the millions of people around the world who are practising polygamy - can they treat their wives equally, love them equally, care for them equally, listen to them equally......etc. I don't think so! I really don't think so! It cannot be helpful for any woman to be married to a man who brings her home only to make her secondary to the other wife(ves). I just want to give women the benefit of the doubt! I am anti-polygamy, if i may put it that way, simply because i cannot divide my love into several parts, let alone several EQUAL parts. My opinion on whether polygamy should be made unlawful or not is that it should not. That may not be necessary. Society has more urgent matters to attend to. My hope is that more and more women will become aware of the fact that they can say no to a man who is already married. Just as men do not have to marry more than one wife, women do NOT have to marry to anyone who is already married.
With an increased awareness, i think polygamy with disappear without any intervention by law makers. For all of you out there who favour a ban (by law) on polygamy, i just want to say that the best way out for deep rooted practices such as polygamy, female circumcision etc is for the people themselves to be convinced that the practice may infact be problematic. This conviction will provoke a reflection on the matter - and i believe that a reflection on polygamy will show that it can, and infact, should be abandoned (not banned by law). The practice of polygamy can conveniently be abandoned. This won't necessary conflict with the qur'an.
On the issue of prenuptial agreements, i hold the view that that is utterly ridiculous. If my lady has to have my signature on paper, get it verified by a lawyer, approved by the court etc to believe my words, then i wander where we get with the relationship. Certain things has to be agreed upon by matured people based solely on trust. This is particularly true when we talk about a couple just about to marry. The very concept of marriage rests firmly on mutual trust between the parties. Afterall what good can come out of a prenuptial agreement? What do you do in the case of a breach of contract? You divorce the person? - well it may be wiser to not marry that person in the first place.
Alieu S.K Cham, Oslo