>From: baboucarr Sey <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list              <[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: Polygammy is the BEST >Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2004 05:52:07 -0800 > >No no mr. Jarju I completely disagree with on this point. >Cheers >Mbye Sey > >Alfa Jarju <[log in to unmask]>wrote: >What majority of Muslims fail to understand concerning the issue of >Polygamy is the definition of EQUALITY IN LOVE. There is no where in the >Quran or Hadith which stated that those who are practicing should love the >said wives equally. It will be excellent if one can do that. The Love >comes from Allah and it is some thing natural. What is important here is >the distribution of wealth and application of fairness or justice among the >wives. One may argues that if you love wife A, there is likely that you >would give her preferential treatment. This is not the case, the element >of that portion is what Allah has given you as a trial. As a Muslim, your >number one duty is not no be carried away by once desire. > >If you look at the verse stating about marring, one may tend to believe >that God is asking us to marry more than one wife. For example, the actual >counting in the Quran starts not in one BUT two “ Marry two, or three, or >four” But if you think you would find it difficult to practice fairness, >marry just one. I know Baba Galleh Jallow would laugh at this statement >but it is fact. > >By looking at the above statement, one may tend to believe that Allah wants >us to marry more than one wife. Why? Because God is asking us if we cannot >practice fairness and one of the fundamental principles of Islam is >fairness. If God tells you, ok since you cannot practice fairness just >stop at one means if you cannot be a good Muslim, try and marry only one >because you cannot control your desire. > >The beauty of this verse is that, Allah knows that there would be a time >when the ratio of women would really out number men on this planet. > >Ndeye, if you see any nice lady in Ghana, pls call my attention. I want to >marry second wife. It is intersting to notice that "Alieus" are very much >concernd about this topic (laugh). > >Alh. Alieu. > > > > > >Quoting "Alieu S.K Cham" : > > > > > Thanks to all of you for your interesting contributions on this very > > important issue. I'm Alieu Cham, a Gambian national living in Oslo. I > > agree with Alieu Jawara that polygamy is not synonymous with sexual > > infidelity. I wander who made this analogy between the two. It sounds to > > me like a Westerner assessing the norms, believes and practices of > > non-Western societies. The act of Marrying may be universal but the > > institution of marriage is contextual, or situated if you like. In other > > words, marriage has to be understood within the context in which it is > > contracted between two people. What it means being someones wife/husband > > is defined by the society in which the marriage takes place. My point is > > that anybody saying that polygamy is equal to sexual infidelity, in my > > view, lacks the basic understanding that the very notion of infidelity > > is problematic. This is so because fidelity/infidelity has to do with > > moral and, what constitutes good/bad moral is directly linked to > > society/community or religion. So I think this analogy is overly > > simplistic. > > Now to the issue at hand. I think Alieu Jawara supports polygamy > > primarily because it is " allowed by the holy Qur'an, the primary source > > of muslim belief". I have to say here that i am myself a believer in the > > Muslim faith. However i oppose polygamy as it is ACTUALLY being > > practised. Jawara argued that several of Allah's prophets "who are > > absolutely perfect creatures" have lived polygamous lives. This brings me > > to the core of my objection to polygamy as it is being practised. It > > might have been easy for those "absolutely perfect" men of God to live > > polygamous lives. However it doesn't follow from this that it should be > > easy for OSS, the ordinary and imperfect people. It is the case that to > > marry more than one wife, one has to be PERFECTLY fair, in the broadest > > term, between the wives. This is certainly not any challenge for an > > absolutely perfect person but what about the millions of people around > > the world who are practising polygamy - can they treat their wives > > equally, love them equally, care for them equally, listen to them > > equally......etc. I don't think so! I really don't think so! It cannot be > > helpful for any woman to be married to a man who brings her home only to > > make her secondary to the other wife(ves). I just want to give women the > > benefit of the doubt! I am anti-polygamy, if i may put it that way, > > simply because i cannot divide my love into several parts, let alone > > several EQUAL parts. My opinion on whether polygamy should be made > > unlawful or not is that it should not. That may not be necessary. Society > > has more urgent matters to attend to. My hope is that more and more women > > will become aware of the fact that they can say no to a man who is > > already married. Just as men do not have to marry more than one wife, > > women do NOT have to marry to anyone who is already married. > > With an increased awareness, i think polygamy with disappear without any > > intervention by law makers. For all of you out there who favour a ban (by > > law) on polygamy, i just want to say that the best way out for deep > > rooted practices such as polygamy, female circumcision etc is for the > > people themselves to be convinced that the practice may infact be > > problematic. This conviction will provoke a reflection on the matter - > > and i believe that a reflection on polygamy will show that it can, and > > infact, should be abandoned (not banned by law). The practice of polygamy > > can conveniently be abandoned. This won't necessary conflict with the > > qur'an. > > On the issue of prenuptial agreements, i hold the view that that is > > utterly ridiculous. If my lady has to have my signature on paper, get it > > verified by a lawyer, approved by the court etc to believe my words, then > > i wander where we get with the relationship. Certain things has to > > be agreed upon by matured people based solely on trust. This is > > particularly true when we talk about a couple just about to marry. The > > very concept of marriage rests firmly on mutual trust between the > > parties. Afterall what good can come out of a prenuptial agreement? What > > do you do in the case of a breach of contract? You divorce the person? - > > well it may be wiser to not marry that person in the first place. > > Alieu S.K Cham, Oslo > > > > > > > > On the door of a Moscow hotel room, it says; > > > > If this is your first time to Moscow, welcome to it. > > > > > > > > >From: Alieu Jawara > > >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list > > >To: [log in to unmask] > > >Subject: Polygammy... > > >Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2004 00:40:43 -0700 > > > > > >May I throw my two cents to this very exiting topic. Some of you say > > women should start a movement to stop men taking advantage of them. This > > is a great idea but perhaps men can help even better. Without the > > involvement of educated and "powerful" men the progress will be quite > > slow indeed. God knows there are a lot of women suffering in silence. > > Can't leave x years of marriage because they have nothing to fall back on > > due to poverty. Who knows maybe this forum can even begin to set up > > something just for the sake of Allah. Women could be educated publicly > > and the same time warning men of their actions. Financially we could help > > by taking their case up to justice. > > > > > >One thing I don't agree with the forum with is the issue of prenuptial > > agreements, to sign that the marriage will forever be monogamous. Someone > > also said polygamy is synonymous with sexual infidelity (stand corrected > > incase of any misquotations). First, Islam gives a lot of power to women > > as the lady that traditionally brings up the future heads of society. She > > must always be treated kindly and respectfully. The wife batters wont > > find their actions supported by any parts of the Qur'an or sunnah. > > However, polygamy is the allowed by the Qur'an, the primary source of > > muslim belief. Allah's wisdom is much greater than ours and he knows why > > he made his law to be so. By making it haram (unlawful) onto yourself is > > taking Allah's merciful law into your own hands. Several of Allah's > > prophets (who are absolutely perfect creatures) have lived polygamous > > lives, including the final one Nabiy Mustapha Alaihi salaam. His > > companions, whom we should take as our role models, also did the same. > > Just to remind you briefly that our noble prophet (may on him be peace) > > lived his first 25 years as a chaste bachelor and the next 25 years in a > > monogamous marriage with a wife (widowed) 15 years his seniour. Apart > > from Aisha (daughter of his closest companion), the remainder of his > > marriages were to divorcées or widows. His marriages are vlearly out of > > compassion and not of passion. There are several reasons (which I wont > > talk about here) where it might be necessary to marry a second, third or > > fourth wife). I think it's quite wrong to deny yourself of halaal just > > because the love at the time of marriage is so high. The love for Allah > > and his laws should be much greater. Polygamy is definitely not > > synonymous to sexual infidelity where a husband sneaks out on a family > > that he should love and care for just to come back with bag of lies! > > Several verses come to mind but how about this one in conclusion: > > > > > >16:116 "And, for what your tongues describe, do not utter the lie, > > (saying) This is lawful and this is unlawful, in order to forge a lie > > against Allah; surely those who forge the lie against Allah shall not > > prosper" > > > > > >66:01 "O Prophet! why do you forbid (yourself) that which Allah has made > > lawful for you; you seek to please your wives; and Allah is Forgiving, > > Merciful" > > > > > >I advise you read the commentary of the above and read up on the sunnah > > regarding polygamy. > > > > > >Salaam, > > > > > >Alieu Jawara > > > > > >P.S. Can I ask the directors to change my email address to > > [log in to unmask] These very exciting articles having interrupting my > > work. I can't help reading them when they pop up on the screen. By moving > > it to my free mail, I can choose to read them at lunch or at the end of > > the day. Thanks all. > > > > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > >To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: > > http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l > > >To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: > > >[log in to unmask] > > > > > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the > > Gambia-L Web interface > > >at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html > > > > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Get business advice and resources to improve your work life, from > > bCentral. > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: > > http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l > > To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: > > [log in to unmask] > > > > To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L > > Web interface > > at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l >To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: >[log in to unmask] > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface >at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > >  Let modesty be the rule of  observance. > >--------------------------------- >Do you Yahoo!? >Yahoo! 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