>From: Jabou Joh <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list              <[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: Question/Habibi/Jabou/Soffie/Ndey >Date: Tue, 2 Mar 2004 10:42:55 EST > >Ndey, > >The wollof call it "munge". In other words, stay in the marriage no matter >how badly you are treated. No doubt, women have it worse in Africa than anywhere >else, and you are so right, it is a double standard that men will not allow >their daughters to be abused, yet they abude. However, not even all women have >male family members to protect them from this terrible ordeal. It si not just >the physical or verbal abuse either, it is also econiomic abuse as well as the >fact that men can literally just use and throw away women and replace them >with another one without then having any recourse. How many of us have seen this >happen? >One thing to note is that as we have been having thsi exchange, aside from >Habib, I see that none of the brothers on this list have said a thing. The view >with our men has always been that any woman advocating for fair and better >treatment of women is a radical trouble maker. There also seesm to be an >insecurity issue where men feel threatend when we bring up these issues. I often ask >myself who should feel threatened, those who do the abuse or the ones who are >at the receiving end of it? >Unless we are ready to address this issue facing us as a society, it will be >hard for us to have faith when our brothers tell us they are fighting for >justice and equality for all. >There is no justification for abusing someone and unless we discuss it >openly, the problem will linger. > >Jabou Joh > >In a message dated 3/2/04 5:19:44 AM Central Standard Time, >[log in to unmask] writes: > > > > Soffie, > > > > > > > > You are right I remember the saying that you have to stay in your marriage. > > The pains, beating and harassment is part of marriage, you have to stay for > > your kids.  Your kids won’t be of any good if you are not patience and endure > > all the pains that come with marriage life.  These are the things that keep > > these women in the marriage and the economic conditions as well. Some women > > will ask you what will I do if I leave him. I can’t take care of my kids alone. > > What will people say? How will I be judged? This is not only in Gambia is > > throughout Africa. In my daily work I have to come across these cases everyday > > and believe me it can be heart breaking and painful. > > > >  Yes, knowledge is the tool and key to everything but also as Jabou has > > rightly said we need policies and laws to protect these women and children.  It > > was a big thing here in Ghana a very powerful woman, this is a woman I really > > admire and cherish. Very successful business woman. I came back from my leave > > last year and I heard her using her maiden name and I asked I was told that > > she divorced the husband. My shock was the fact that this woman was being > > abused by the husband. The physical beating and abuse was unbearable to the > > extend that she has to come public. > > > > It was so sad that the papers had to carry the story but I guess it comes > > with her position and influence in the Ghanaian society. There are many cases > > like this. > > > >  The Ghanaian women’s movement is now engaged in a big advocacy and lobbying > > for the Domestic Violence Bill to be passed by parliament. Most of the > > parliamentarians who are men are afraid of the Bill to be passed in parliament. > > People still feels that domestic violence is a private matter but evidence had > > shown that so many women are killed and murdered in the name of domestic > > violence. One of the successful cases the women’s movement in Ghana has is the > > establishment of WAJU (Women and Juvenile Unit of the Police) these people deal > > with domestic violence cases, they are trained Police Officers in this area. > >  So now you cannot go to the police to report that your husband has broken > > your hand and the police will say that “this is a private matter. Call the > > elders and resolve it at home.” > > > >  Some parts of Africa, women are inherited after the death of their husband > > by their husband’s brother.  All properties belong to the family of the > > husband even if there are kids. They can throw you out of your marital home with > > your kids. > > > >  I kept on asking myself how many men will accept their daughters being > > beaten, harassed and abused by their spouses. How many? I asked this question > > because my father won’t even allow you to talk to his daughter any how. I > > remember one of my cousin sister was beaten by her husband. When she narrated the > > story to my Mum, she insisted that my father should not know about the issue. > > So, I decided to inform my father about it, he got up went to the house and > > literally beat the guy up. I was shocked and my father said to him never lay > > your hands on my kid and he told him that is over. > > > >  When I join the women’s movement I kept asking myself is this how men are? > > I won’t beat, harass and abuse my daughter but I can beat some ones daughter, > > mother, sister who happen to be my wife. > > > >  Another thing is also the whole word WIFE. People take it to be ownership, > > as long as you are my wife i own you, your are my property and this is where > > the whole problem lies. > > > >  I am glad that this discussion is taking place during the women’s week. > > Next Week will be International Women’s Day, March 8th. > > > > > > > > > > > > The Struggle Continues!!! > > > > Ndey Jobarteh > > > > > > > > > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/CGI/wa.exe?S1=gambia-l >To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: >[log in to unmask] > >To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface >at: http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/gambia-l.html > >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~