Thanks Bailo for sharing Margie's (FIND YOUR COURAGE 2007). I have also red her 101 GREAT WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE written in 2006 and I really admired both. However, when Margie talks about courage, she meant our complete involvements without fear, meaning; be in the problems your are talking or speaking out about than sitting at the back expecting other to complete the job for you. Face the problem head-on without fear of been arrested and suffocated in the process. There are very few who have that guts of Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and Fatou Jaw Manneh just to name few. You can also find her interviews on YOU tube as well as www.gwenshealinggarden.ca/articles. The solution to any problem needed full participation or involvement physically mentally, financially and spiritual participation then you will be or see the changes you require to happen. Why are we so afraid to speaking against our friends close relatives etc? because we don't want to anger them resulting to a dispute or even brake up the relationship yet the silence also can do the same as you fear to happen when you speak-up. Courage is not as simple as we think it is. If one is courageous to make a difference risk loosen his life, friends and close relative due to the blindness toward other factors of life but the truth and freedom he/she is determine to achieve. Edi --- On Sat, 28/2/09, bailo jallow <[log in to unmask]> wrote: From: bailo jallow <[log in to unmask]> Subject: Some key reasons why one should speak up To: [log in to unmask] Date: Saturday, 28 February, 2009, 11:04 PM I am currently reading a book by Margie Warrel entiltled Find your Courage: 12 Acts for Becoming Fearless at Work and In Life. I strongly recommend this book to anyone seeking inspiration from or interested in living a courageous life. Chapter 6 of this book is with the heading: The Courage to Speak Up. The following is extracted from the cited book: The Courage to Speak Up OVERVIEW “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.â€�Winston Churchill If there is something you genuinely want to say, chances are there is someone who genuinely needs to hear it. Your willingness to find the courage to speak up about the issues that are important to you—whether in the conference room or the bedroom—is pivotal to your ability to achieve what you want in life. The things you are not saying stifle your relationships. Speaking up can be a frightening experience because every time you express an opinion, raise an issue of concern, or ask for what you want, you risk the possibility of appearing pushy, facing rejection or humiliation, or being personally or professionally ostracized. It’s little wonder, then, that we often choose not to speak up about the issues that affect our marriage, our careers, and our lives in general. We stay silent, keep our thoughts to ourselves, and avoid all danger of rocking the boat. Ultimately, we choose the certainty of never resolving an issue because of the possibility that our conversation won’t produce the outcome we want. It may seem a strange concept to you, but the conversations you have with people pack tremendous power. As Susan Scott wrote in her book Fierce Conversations, “Although no single conversation is guaranteed to change the course of any of your relationships, your career, or your life, any single conversation can.â€� Conversations are the lifeblood of your relationships. Only by airing the issues that have the potential to undermine your relationships can you effectively resolve them. The unfortunate irony is that the very issues we don’t want to raise for fear of jeopardizing our relationships are the same issues that lead to their demise or, at least, to stifling the amount of joy we experience in them. Likewise, people fail to achieve the professional success they want because of the conversations they don’t have. Their fear of communicating their desire for a promotion may be part of what is limiting their promotional opportunities. Their fear of putting forward a potentially controversial opinion, afraid others might disagree, keeps their managers from knowing the value they have to add. Too often, our lack of success is a result of our unwillingness to give voice to our opinions, make a stand for what we really believe, and ask for what we really want. You are someone who matters, and so do your feelings and opinions. Don’t be waylaid by worrying whether others always agree with you; have the guts to say what you think. Unless you do, you will be unable to create the relationships you want or gain the respect you seek . You will also be unable to exert the influence you otherwise could on people in your sphere or on the decisions they make that touch on your life. For that reason, it is not only your responsibility to speak your piece but also your obligation. Enormous power comes to you when you steel yourself to enter into courageous conversations: power to resolve issues, power to see things from a heightened perspective, and ultimately, power to generate positive and profound changes in your relationships, in your life, and in the world. So I hereby challenge you to begin having conversations that are new to you and extend the boundaries of your comfort zone—your “play it safeâ€� zone. I’m not talking about lightweight conversations—I mean real conversations that dive beyond the surface level. Each time you take a risk in your conversations and say things you previously wouldn’t have said, you will feel more powerful and be perceived as being more powerful by those around you. As it says in the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, “As your power builds, so does your confidence, so that stretching your comfort zone becomes easier and easier, despite any fear you may be experiencing.â€� “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.â€� —Dr. Seuss THE COSTS OF NOT SPEAKING UP Speaking up about the issues that matter most to you is rarely easy, because it means putting yourself “out thereâ€� where you may have to face disapproval, criticism, or—God forbid—confrontation. Taking a stand for anything in life means paying a price one way or another, but failing to take a stand and speak up also has its costs. Only by becoming more aware of how much it is costing you when you don’t speak up will you be able to find the courage you need to say what you think and ask for what you want. Your Sense of Well-Being—Body, Mind, and Spirit Integrity is about wholeness and consistency between what you know is the right thing to do and what you are doing. Failing to speak up chips away at your sense of integrity and triggers a barrage of internal conflict. This inner conflict has the capacity to undermine your sense of well-being—body, mind, and spirit. Remember that without integrity, nothing works! Imagine, if you will, that your arm is extended and you are holding a full glass of water. You could probably stand there with your arm out holding that glass of water for ten minutes with no problem. After a while, though, your muscles would grow tired. The glass of water is not any heavier, but the burden of holding it is. A similar phenomenon happens when you fail to speak up and put issues on the table. The issues that cause you to feel anxious, resentful, frustrated, stressed, taken for granted, or “all of the aboveâ€� don’t just go away. No siree! They fester for lack of oxygen, burden you, erode your integrity, and hinder your ability to enjoy self-respect and true peace of mind. The long-term impact of withholding your thoughts and feelings is stress—unnecessary stress. Study after study has concluded that stress can have a detrimental impact on your health—mental, emotional, and physical. Stress raises the levels of cortisol and adrenalin in your body. If they stay elevated for long, your immune system is impaired, putting you at risk for contracting all sorts of nasty diseases. In the short term, it affects the quality of your sleep, makes you easy prey for every cold floating by, and slows your digestive system and metabolism (i.e., you put on weight—a definite “don’t wantâ€� for most of us), among other evils. How People Treat You—You Get What You Tolerate! Earlier in this book I noted that one of my favorite sayings is “You get what you tolerate.â€� This applies in spades to your relationships. Failing to speak up about something carries the implication that you are OK with it—that you are prepared to continue tolerating it. As a companion saying goes, “Silence means consent.â€� If you tolerate snide or offensive remarks from your boss or colleague, the remarks will continue. If you tolerate your spouse’s lack of consideration for your feelings, it will continue. If you tolerate the disregard of people who regularly turn up late for meetings or social engagements, they will continue to keep you cooling your heels. If you tolerate your child’s lack of respect, you will continue to get no respect. Each time you tolerate a behavior, you are subtly teaching that person that it is OK to treat you that way. A fundamental problem here is that when people habitually treat you a certain way, their behavior becomes transparent to them. They become so used to acting a certain way around you that they grow oblivious to it and the impact it has on you. That may be why your friend doesn’t think twice about turning up late; why it would be news to your spouse or colleague that those constant quips offend you; and why your mother doesn’t bat an eye while bombarding you with comments about your life that are hurtful and are driving you nuts. It is up to you to decide on what you will and, more important, what you will not tolerate. Likewise, it is up to you to set boundaries for yourself, not others. If you are ready to make a stand for yourself, you need to be firm in your resolve to communicate clearly what you want, need, and expect. You must, in sum, be more committed to living with integrity and self-respect than you are to keeping the peace, playing it safe, or being a self-made martyr. Only when you take responsibility for your happiness do your relationships bear a chance of being whole and completely rewarding. If you opt to let your fear stop you from letting people know how you want to be treated, you are, by default, electing to sell out your own happiness. By courageously sharing how you feel, you are not only making a stand for yourself but also modeling what it is to live with integrity and potentially inspiring others to speak up themselves! Share your photos with Windows Live Photos – Free Find out more! Share your photos with Windows Live Photos – Free Find out more! ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask]