Turtleneck Rattlemouth Revisited - Part Two
By Baba Galleh Jallow
Turtleneck Rattlemouth was not impressed. No, not at all impressed. Whom did they think they were writing about? How dared they call him Monty? What business of theirs was it, if he was the Sole Proprietor and Managing Director of his very own Maafimom Enterprises? Why were folks so petty and jealous? Why did they lie so much and call him gnat? If people called him Nkakadiss and he said Lestek, whose business was it to complain? If he made the G for Great sign with his mouth, whose business was it to complain? The more he thought of the impudent and jealous blokes that wrote about him, the angrier he grew. So angry did he grow that he poured a can of peanut oil on his head to cool his temper.
No, our great giant would not allow any jealous mental midgets to interrupt his shining thought processes. No one would derail his plans to plod ahead and reach the skies, come what may. He had to say his mighty say, snort his mighty snort, and do his mighty do. He did not give a fraction of a hoot what anyone said or wrote about him. Jealous dudes abandon their God-given duties and spend their stupid time writing stupid stories about him and pretending to be pious. They open their big mouths and say things they have no business saying. And they extend their dirty hands and try to manipulate honest folks like himself to serve their jealous interests. Did they think that he was stupid? Did they think that he was nyaka faida amul boppa? No, he would let them see that he was an iron man with an iron will, just as he lets his staff at Maafimom Enterprises see that he was not a guy they could mess with. Tabula Rasa!
No one at Maafimom Enterprises doubted that Turtleneck Rattlemouth was a great guy, a physical and mental giant of the highest order who took no beefs from any lowly persons and wastes no time in putting stupid folks in their stupid puny little places. Indeed, the staff at Maafimom knew that at the slightest error or provocation, the big boss would hotly remind them that they must not joke with him, that he was the Sole and Absolute proprietor and all-powerful managing director of Maafimom Enterprises, that he had more money than they could ever imagine with their little minds, that he could physically buy them if he wanted to, and most importantly, that he could render them jobless and beggarly with one wave of his mighty finger. Which was why our great giant was greatly feared at Maafimom Enterprises. God help any so-called staff that dared to cross his path! They all must softly coo, and smile, and call him Sir. And when he wore his wooden coat and iron boots, they all must gather around and say Yes Sir! They must hold their mouths and loudly whistle and exclaim Wow! And our gentle Turtleneck Rattlemouth would glow with pride and throw a party or promise them goodies on account of their good sense and conduct. But what? Argue with the great boss himself? They would live to regret it!!