Rantings of an Angry Despot

By Baba Galleh Jallow

When I make my wanted list people say I make my wanted list. They go out there and open their big mouths and say Jumus is this Jumus is that. When I say yes they say no. When I say left they say right. When I wear my special juju they say oh he’s wearing his special juju this, his special juju that. And when I put them on my wanted list they say he has put us on his wanted list. Well, they can all go to hell but they will be on my wanted list and if they don’t like it let them come and face me here. Maa Ko Tey Beh Teyatiko! Wahal? Maa Ko Wah!!

I must tell you all that I am sick and tired of all the nonsense that so-called journalists and intellectuals spit out of their big mouths. They say they are criticizing Jumus because Jumus appointed missionary judges. Or they say they are criticizing Jumus because Jumus sent some stupid idiots to prison. Or they are criticizing Jumus because Jumus says he will deal with criminals in this country. Or they will criticize Jumus because Jumus has a zoo and a private plane. Or Jumus can cure this or Jumus can cure that. Or Jumus has done this and Jumus has done that. Well I will tell them that I do not give a damn what they say or what their masters in the so-called western democracy say. If you decide to say that Jumus is wrong, or Jumus should not say this, or Jumus should not say that, you must be prepared to go on my list, to go to jail, or go six feet deep. In fact, you will go six thousand feet deep. And let your so-called western democracy do anything about it. Munemu? Haa? Jumaaleng?

When I risked my life to free this country from the corrupt regime of the former so-called president, where were all of you big mouths who now say Jumus is this and Jumus is that? Ha? When I got out of my bed in the middle of the night and carried my heavy gun and risked my life to save this country, all of you were lying in bed with your wives and having good dreams. And now you come here and say Jumus this and Jumus that. If you carry your gun and go into the forest and you kill a deer, who will say that the deer you killed is not yours? Or if you go into the forest and climb up a big tree and pick some fruit, who will say that the fruit is not yours? Do they not know that if you go hunting or you climb a tall tree a wild animal could attack you or you could fall down and break your neck? Why then should any stupid fool come out and say Jumus should not do this or Jumus should not say that? Or Jumus should be democracy or Jumus is not fair or Jumus this Jumus that and Jumus the other thing? Haa?

I want you all to listen to me very carefully because I am sick and tired of all this nonsense talk about so-called democracy or so-called human right rule of law or some such nonsense. If you go to the so-called west and you wear so-called western clothes and you want to come here and talk to me about so-called democracy, I will put you on my wanted list. You don’t know what so-called democracy is and you say you want to tell me some nonsense about so-called rule of so-called law and so-called human right. If you think you are wise or you are brave, come face me and try to tell me all that so-called nonsense. All of you big mouths hiding in the so-called west and trying to criticize me do not even know what your so-called democracy, law of rule or human right means. Human right human right my foot! You say human right human right but you don’t know what human right is. And you say you want to criticize me because I am not human right. Haa?

You commit crimes in my personal country and you run like cowards and you go and beg the so-called west for asylum. And then you open your big mouth and say Jumus should not say this, Jumus should not say that. You don’t even know that the so-called west came to Africa and stole our ancestors and our gold and silver and they made us their slaves. And when we fought and drove them out, now they want to come back to Africa and colonize us again. And they use you so-called journalists and so-called intellectuals and so-called civilians to criticize me and try to make me afraid so that they can come back and colonize this country. I will tell you that if they want to do that they will do it over my dead body. If they are brave and they think they can challenge me in my own personal country or tell me what to do, let them come and face me right here. They will then know who Jumus is. They will then know that Jumus is not afraid of anything in this world or the next. Or even in outer space. As for some of you traitors, you are all guilty of treason and sedition and defamation according Section 67, sub section 2 of my own personal criminal code. And I will put you on my wanted list and if I catch you – if I catch you - Ballayy Ballayy Ballayy, you will know who Gankal Jumus is.

When I employ my own personal judges to enforce my own personal law and pay my own personal judges in my own personal country with my own personal money, you open your big mouths and say Gankal Jumus should not employ a missionary judge, or judge so and so is a missionary judge. Or judge so and so is a missionary judge because he is not from our country. How dare you say our country? Haa? You all have no shame because this is not your country. If you think this is your country and you call yourself a man, come and face Gankal Jumus. You will then know that one day follows another and that I am not someone you can joke with. Ballayy Ballayy Ballayy, if I catch you – if I catch you - you will know that fire is hot!! Isa mad day!! That’s all I have to say.