GREAT questions Demba. Poor Suntou cannot answer them. Just quit saying Down with this and down with that. I love you men. Haruna. You make me nervous with your incessant call to arms for no reason. What about Up with Righteousness once in a while???


-----Original Message-----
From: Demba Baldeh <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Sat, Oct 10, 2009 5:41 pm
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. Polygamy/Haruna



Mr. Njie, you have some valid points on the social pressure. While I agree with you that some people are forced into accepting some relationships, I still see pointing fingers to others for one's own problems. As a grown ..... man or woman no one should force you into marrying someone you don't want to... besides we are talking about exceptions and people in the minority here.  For the most part people who choose to marry more than one wife do it deliberately for egoistic reasons. 

 

What appears to be alright and peaceful in the outside does not always be the case. Sometimes there is hell in the bedroom or when the sun goes down the battle starts. Some of these people were never happy even though it looks like that in the outside as you said due to social pressure. 

 

In responding to Suntou from the quote below:

 

"Demba's argument borders on rediculing a clear statement of God". 

 

I would say that those who misinteprete the holy book to their own selfish reasons are worst than those who don't know what
 is stipulated in the Book. Let me ask these questions which are the reasons why I said many polygamist do it for selfish reasons instead of justifiable reasons:

 

- Why does many men who marry two wives almost always bring in younger women as second wives? instead of marrying older more deserving women who may have lost their husbands or need help with their kids?

 

- Why is it ok from the Islamic point of view to start a life from a young age with one woman building a family and sacrificing everything for decades with lovely children only to one day bring a stranger to the family to destroy everything you both sacrificed to put together? What justified such cruel human insensitivity?

 

- Why is it ok for men knowing fully well they cannot financially and morally sustain one woman with children to bring in another woman only to force the other one and her children out? Is this cruel action justified in Islam?

 

- Why is it that when couples don't have kids it is often assumed the woman is barren and cannot have kids without knowing that the man could be the one impotent and cannot have kids? Where in Islam does it say men are better than women?

 

- Why does men think that we are the ones who need to be the happier ones in a marriage instead of considering the happiness of both parties? Why do we think men are more deserving of happiness, peace and prosperity in a relationship? 

 

- Where in the holly book is 
it justified that you could do everything agaist the wishes of your wife and or children to satisfy your own desires?

 

- How many polygamist can stand up and testify that they treat both parties equally and sow proof for it? (few)

 

- If polygamy destroys more families than make them... why is it justified to continue doing it with or without regards to consequences?

 

I can go on and on.... but the point am trying to make is that simply because it is stipulated in the Quran which is subject to intepretation does not justify doing it even if we know we cannot meet the conditions attached?

 

The fact is if you do it you are doing it at your own peril and please don't take the usual excuse of leaning on to the religion because you already violated the principle behind the religion.

 

Personally I will alway defend fairness and justice within or outside of the interpretations of our holly books... Principally, the fundamental pillars of religion are fairness, equal treatment, honesty and righteousness..The rest are man made..... we shall all be judged by our actions...

 

Down with destructive polygamy....

Demba

 

 

 

 

- 

 

 

 

- 

 

 

 

 








On Sat, Oct 10, 2009 at 3:10 AM, SUNTOU TOURAY <[log in to unmask]> wrote:






Mai, you have spoken reason here.

Polygammy is recommended life style for Muslim men who wish to practise it, alb
eit with conditions attached.

 It is rather interesting that, people who don't do the must basic of Islamic fundamental practise are interpreting the Qur'an and

wishing people to go along with their desired presumptions, fascinating!

Indeed, we have to also understand that, in this times we live in, men wish to be women and women wishing too to be men,

 Roles get reverse, everthing is subseptible to redicule or questioning.

You find good practising Muslims denying the a clear Quranic teaching because it attractive to do so.

Yet this people will pray, fast, and do certain Islamic activities, but when it come to matters of gender,

they are quick to distant themselves from the Quran simply because,

 they either don't understand the rational for such injuctions or are too mind blown by secular feminist influence.

Polygmay has solve many complicated situation for thousand of sisters in many different societies.

Women who feel their standing and independence put them beyond being in a marrital situation they share a man are right to think like that.

Where the matter  gets morky is when they then try to stop other women doing what they desire is scandalous.

How many sisters do we find trying to look for the perfect man untill all her youth desappear to no avail?

We have all seen such sisters in our communities, and what  end up happening is for them to turn around and target a married man.

God does not intend hardship for anyone. Men and women are free
 to either agree to be part of a polgammy or not.

But being sarcastic and insulting those who do is madness of the highest order.

We all know the old customs in our societies, It use to be Dad's who marry a wife for the first born son.

That man whether he likes the woman or not doesn't matter.

So if that man after attaining some independence decided to look for a woman of his choice

Is he wrong to do that?

At the same time, he has already had children with the first wife.

In fact, the first wife would not wish to go any where.

Also, women too use to be given in marriage against their will.

If they too decide to seek devorce and marry a man of their choice all leave us room

for polygammy.

Demba's argument borders on rediculing a clear statement of God.

Yero shouldn't easily go along with what others say simply because they argue rationally.

If we say we are Muslims, it is much more than seeing things in modernist light.

As Muslims, we do as the Quran states, but as what other people do.

it is true that, polygamy is as old as humanity, but as Muslims, we take the recommended rulings of the noble book, the prophet's traditions and our own cultural practises 

that do not go against our religion.

this is a problem for some people,

The Qur'an say "enter into the religion completely..."

Picking and chosing is more or less close to being a 

"jab jabin"

Suntou

 



--- On Sat, 10/10/09, Mai Njie <[log in to unmask]>=2
0wrote:



From: Mai Njie <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. Polygamy/Haruna
To: [log in to unmask]
Date: Saturday, 10 October, 2009, 8:13 AM



In as much as i agree with your point, i would like to point out that many are in polygamous relationships because they have no choice either because of family pressures or other reasons. You may be lucky that you chose your wife for yourself and any time you feel like you do not wish to continue your marriage with her, you can easily divorce her or she divorce you with no one coming to beg you or putting pressures on you or you may be lucky that anytime you or your partner feel that your marriage won't work, the best thing for you two would be to seperate,and she may easily leave. Well, that is not the case for everyone. Some men or women want that freedom that most have, but unfortunately, they cannot get it and to my view, which end up causing much more problems for them and others. So, i will disagree that people practice polygamy because they are selfish, making excuses for religious reasons or whatever. I have people in such positions who never plan of being into polygamous marriages and they end up finding themselves into one. I am not a fan of polygamy neither am i defending its practice, and as for me anytime i feel that i do not get the love i deserve from my partner, i will simply leave and would never try to force a stay which also happens sometimes. Polyga
my does work for some people and it doesn't for others. So i think all in all, it depends on the parties involve to be part of it or not vis-a-vis to make it work or not. 

I grew up in a poygamous house, my dad had two wives and my two mummies get along really well (lucky him). 

I would like to say bravo to those ladies at maafanta for having their rights to remain single. I would like every woman who feel that they cannot stay in a polygamous marriage to simply stay away and if they want to be on monogamous marriage to be to it or even to be gay with their full rights. I just think we need to be careful about the way we judge other people and/or try to speculate reasons for them doing whatever they feel like best doing. 

-----Original Message-----
From: Demba Baldeh <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Fri, Oct 9, 2009 10:38 pm
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. Polygamy/Haruna




[4:3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.] (Source: www.Islamiccity.com)

 

Mawdo Yero, it is not only about being just in between the women but also c reating environments were innocent kids will be subject to cruel treatment and deprive of 
the unconditional love of both parents because there is a central figure who tend to benefit at the expense of everyone else in the household. 

 

The same condition that made polygamy not acceptable in the West was kind of a similar condition that made it acceptable during those days. Men did it because they know they can. They don't care if the other parties are happy or not. They don't care if someone's life is ruin or not. 

 

Despite the fact that there might be a provision stipulating marrying other women, but the fact that these men of our generation cannot be fair in between these women and they create more problems than peace, Islam then forbits doing something to make other innocent people suffer... Tell me who picks a woman fsuffering and marry them because of that? Tell me how many men play the game fairly treating all their kids equally? Instead what you get is disintegrated families and constant hatred in between the women and by default the kids. Which Islam justifies creating such a chaotic in what is the most important union?

 

Simply because the provision is there does not justify using it to ruin people's lives. The fact is many are doing it today for selfish reasons.... Religious advocates should stop playing double stands and live the true meaning of being a muslim. Justice and equal ity for all period...

 

Down with Polygamy...

 

Demba

 

 





On Fri, Oct 9, 2009 at 2:30 PM, Y Jallow <[log in to unmask]
> wrote:


Bro Haruna,
 
I know you are there....ha ha ha , will reply to you later on.
 
thanks though..kind regards
 
yj

 

There is no god but Allah (SWT) and Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger. Fear and Worship only Allah alone!



  
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 2009 17:25:17 -0400
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. Polygamy
To: [log in to unmask]


JC.,

 

I encourage you to review the Qur'An a bit more. The Qur'An never said Muslims must marry up to four wives or any number of wives. People already married according to their desires and consents before the Qur'An and verily after the Qur'An. What the Qur'An tried to do was to bring order to the debilitating and ensuing affects of marriage, of whatever perm utation, for muslims. The non-muslims are evidently not affected by the dictates of the Qur'An. And the muslims and non-muslims both inhabit the earth.

 

I just wanted to make sure you're not one of those folk Demba shares with us. Those who make excuses for their gammy pannafores by evoking a Qur'An they did not and may never understand. Trust me, if the Qur'An had told muslims they Must only marry ONE wife at a time, you will not have had the opportunity to be a muslim. Nevermind Muhammad. Trust me. I like you JC but I think you misunderstand the Qur'An a bit. When you read Suratul Nisa'A, read the introduction to the surah so you get some cultural ambiance. Or, I recommend the boo
k; The cultural Atlas of Islam, or a study into Arabian History, the purveyors of the Qur'An.

 

I do agree with you however on Demba's points of HUMAN RIGHTS.

I also understand Suntou and Emman's positions and they are equally valid.

 

For what its worth, I wish to share that we may be focused on empty chatter by discussing other people's desires and predispositions. Trust me there is nothing wrong with marrying one wife or two wives, or 10 wives, or a hundred wives, or even a thousand wives a la Swazi Royalty. What we should be discussing are the crimes that happen within marriages, mono or poly. You will come to the conclusion that when a criminal marries, his or her20crimes are not determined by the number of partners in matrimony. Even when a criminal is not married he/she still commits the crimes. I think the ladies of Maafanta have succeeded in seducing you guys to foray into their Attaya chatter. There are more important things to focus on than worry about how many men or women someone marries. You will be pleased to know that I am all for a woman marrying multiple husbands or one husband if she so desires. I just don't agree with the idiot committing crimes against her fellow human or animal.

 

JC, I am afraid for you. You have engineered a conflict for yourself; one between "Western Society and that of your God". This will be debilitating for you to no end. I urge temperance. I happen to know there is no such conflict=2
0between Juan C's God and Western constitutions. Its all in your mind. Set it free. Haruna. 

 

 

----Original Message-----
From: Y Jallow <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Fri, Oct 9, 2009 4:42 pm
0ASubject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. Polygamy



Polygamy
 
A rejoinder discuss by YJ
 

The topic as it way seem deserve a fair treatment. Polygamy would mean a man getting married to more than one wife by common law (tradition) or legal conditions. Its i njection into society is either because of faith (as the rule of Allah swt in the Quran, stipulated up to four wives based on conditions of affordability, equal love, treatment etc...), traditional cultural beliefs or both. As believers, we cannot believe a part and disbelieve in a part thereof, and the sunnihs like Suntou will base theirs on this argument. Those of us in the west are already disadvantaged to participate for the simple fact that the rules of the land requires a man to have one wife and a woman to have one husband; such societies discourages both polyandry and polygamy on the basics that the practice is strictly not imaginable and contains superior tendencies over the opposite sex. Human rights activists like my good mentor Baldeh will base their large arguments on this, which is basically sympathy over the state of a woman being able to share while a man cannot. Either way, we cannot be wrong engaging one another in this widely sprouting topic, if not=2 0for intellectual=2
0maturity, as way of continuous enlightenment, even though a mutual consensus might not yield, because while the women activists/feminists will not give up on their stance, the believers of true Islam will not because of the Quranic stipulation.
The truth be told, Allah swt knows best why He instructed that verse, and such stipulation must not be challenged, but its understanding to suite our way of life must be given due diligence. Again, the truth be told, sharing a man is hard to imagine. At an age when women a re fighting for both emancipation (as in the Copenhagen treaty) or just fighting to object man's "dominance" which over the ages only put women under inferior complexities and hardships, it is understandable why women or feminists would feel the way they do as a result of polygamous marriages, where some men has taken advantage of them in a number of ways and has constantly used cultural norms, religious stipulations or both to justify the excesses which came to define such relations. To that, we can only help to condemn it like any other wrong doing. Man's extreme dominance not only on women but other humans (animals in totality) must be put to strict check. We must harness equality. We must champion everyone's freedom, liberty and urge to be an independent being. To break these necklaces or chains of taming, we must seek to have a society where people have a right to be free, without having to be forced to do things against their own will, thus to say, a mutual consu ltation probably20might yield good. 
 
After we came this far, let us share the noted ones; Muhammad (PBUH) married more than one wife; Ibrahim (PBUH) married more than one wife; Suleiman (PBUH) married more than one wife; Dawda (PBUH) also did, etc…
 
English (Yusuf Ali): 
[4:3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a ca ptive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.] (Source: www.Islamiccity.com)
 
[English (Yusuf Ali): 
4:129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practice self- restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.] (Source: www.islamiccity.com)
 
In the conclusions, this is one of the hardest topics for me to weigh in, for the simple fact that it puts me in a f unny situation, after being trapped in-between a western constitution and that of God. Of course that of Allah takes precedence in all conditions. If you ask me where I belong of the two debating groups, I will say both, in a sense I understand the activists' stand on this matter. I also understand the Sunnihs' stand on this matter. If I am to choose between the two, I hop
e I can get married to only one women, whom I can mutually be in love with, despite all the urges associated with humanity. Nonetheless, we will combin e our individual opinions and the authentic quotation from the Quran to argue for or against this great debate, despite its complex nature. The truth though, there must be respect in any relationship. Neither the man nor the women should take advantage of the other. In a case, to where we agree with consensus that polygamy is endorsed by us, the man must live by all its stipulations, and where you can't live by the rules , please spare yourself from getting trapped into it. The century's joke, "one woman, one problem" is a buzz. To where we have decided to turn our backs to it, we must only do that based on the stipulations, not because we believe Allah's verse is inaccurate or lacking wisdom. It is worth mentioning that we've seen the practice work in some people. In others, it didn't. To those that disagree base on the counter verse 4:129, which seems to say that men cannot be "fair", it is within your thinking right to do that, but the right you don't have is20saying 4:3 doesn't hold.
 
Note: Thanks to Maafanta and Sankanu for sparking the debate once again. 



There is no god but Allah (SWT) and Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger. Fear and Worship only Allah alone!



  
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 2009 06:26:38 +0000
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. sankanu weighs in< br> To: GAM
[log in to unmask]






Your views Demba is not more enlighten than that our Maker. So in as much you disagree with it, your analogy is flaw as Islam did not recommend it for after battles only. I will refer you the verses.
If you and I can't handle it, some men can and besides, forward the solution to the surplus women if you may. Islam regulate the types of polgamy that was practised and it put a limit to it. 

Suntou
--- On Fri, 9/10/09, Demba Baldeh <[log in to unmask]> wrote:



From: Demba Baldeh <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. sankanu weighs in
To:=2 [log in to unmask]
Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 6:53 AM



I think polygamy is a recipe to endless problems many of our men create for themselves. If you cannot handle the one woman you have in your household, how in the world can you handle two or three, four or six?. It is like being an alcoholic and adding hard drugs on to it.  

 

The excuse that great men died in Battles and therefore it wa s ok to take their wives is no longer practical. If one woman cannot satisfy you no amount of women will satisfy you. 

 

Its a false excuse to say it is religious or tradition. It is greed and self fulfilling fantasies.  The victims are the innocent children who gets caught up in the fight.

 

Down with poly -game - me.

 

Demba0A


On Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 10:16 AM, Emman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

MORE GAMBIAN MEN SHOULD BE IN THE POLYGAMY DEBATE
Em
-------- Original-Nachricht --------
> Datum: Tue, 6 Oct 2009 07:06:25 +0000
> Von: SUNTOU TOURAY <[log in to unmask]>
> An: [log in to unmask]
> Betreff: Re: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man. sankanu weighs in

> Now this is getting more interesting. My other newphew Bubacarr Sankanu
> weighs in the polygamy debate with a bang. My newphew is very blunt i must
> say. Sad to read about the health complication of our Gambian sister. May God
> bring her back to full heath.
> < A href="http://www.maafanta.com/" rel=nofollow target=_blank>www.maafanta.com
> Â
>
>
>
> Â
> Â
> Â
> "Ignore the foolish feminist propaganda
> says Sankanu and has given you reasons fifteen pages long!
> Â
> Yes, African Women In The Diaspora
> Share Their Husbands!
> Long Live Jacob Zuma. God Bless Polygamy!
> By Bubacarr A Sankanu, Cologne, Germany
>
> Introduction
>
> I am a bit embarrassed that no man, Gambian, African or otherwise, joined
> the battle of the sexes going on at Maafanta.com over polygamy.
> Perhaps the chauvinists brushed it off as just another feminist gossip.
> Others might have chosen to ignore it considering that fracas over the Gambia
> Press Union in Obamastan (USA).
> Some could however conclude that bashing ou r poor President Yahya Jammeh0A> is more convenient that taking on those fire-spitting feminist rebels! Boys,
> there are no more men left in Europe and North America. The feminists
> there have succeeded in freezing their balls. Do you want us African boys to
> share the miserable fate of those white boys?
> Sorry whities I do not mean to be racist, but after ten years in your
> world, I can testify on how your chicks have made you into what the Germans
> call Weicheier (soft balls, cowards) and tote Hose (dead trousers, nothing on
>=2 0bed)! Take the case of aesthetics for example. The way you Western boys
> define feminine beauty is different from the way we African guys see beauty.
> Feminism has made you guys lazy and weak that's why you are promoting those
> skinny and hungry fashion-photo models as ideals of artificial beauty. We
> Africans or black men are mad about authentic women with “meat”, great
> curves, elegant backsides and naturally intimidating mammary glands! A real
> man must hold on to “meat” during romps. So it is unfair to insist on
> making Western beauty equally African.
> I am not a castrated coward and as a warrior prince, I feel I should spend
> some time here flirting, smooching and havin
g serious fun with the sweet
> bad girls20and Amazons of Maafanta.com over the subject of polygamy and
> related man-woman squabbles.
> I know the die-hard feminists will declare me wanted for my provocative
> stance on the perpetual battle of the sexes. But first, I would like to
> belatedly welcome Maafanta.com to the Gambian/African Cyber Family..........more
>
> --- On Sun, 4/10/09, SUNTOU TOURAY <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>
> From: SUNTOU TOURAY <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: In Maafanta 2.. Jecob Zuma the man
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Date: Sunday, 4 October, 2009, 5:29 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Jecob Zuma captured the reality of false monogamous felas. I once meet a
> married Indain tycoon in a business show in Birmingham. He confided me in
> that, every year, he cheat on his wife three times. But he quickly went on to
> mention that, "i am a happily married man". yeah until your wife finds
> out.
> Where is AMNA?
> Is it ok for younger men to married older women then? Becus, i can
> remember a married situation call "kun den dendo" when an older granny marries a
> younger man for t he shake avoiding dying without a husband.
> But there are still beautiful older sisters around, i wonder whether they
> will want a much younger fela like Haruna taking them as 'mbomiris' or
> 'ntorin laman'.
> Maafanta is doing well. Gainako too over the past month entertain us with
> brilliant stuffs, good radiance brothers. As usual freedom is on the fore
> front with things, ou
r own allgambian is doing good. Not forgeting the
> versatile senegambia news and the new look Gambiajournal.
> Our media folks are doing right well. Salute them.## #
> Suntouă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „Ä
’ „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „
> To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L
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> To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to:
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> ă „ă „ă „ă „=C 3Æ’ „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă â€ÅEă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „ă „
>
> ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
> To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L
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