Thank you Bintu for reading Maafanta and I will give you my thoughts about violence against women in the west.,
eventhough you do not want to be published. We have to seriously start talking about this. It must stop!!!!!! Period. I am not a psychologist neither a marriage counselor. I was once married and I have an idea and experience about sour
relationships especially in the west. So I can throw in my one cent.
Marriage can be a very enjoyable institution, when couples see each other as partners rather than as master and
subject. Immigrant marriages can soon turn sour as couples adjust to life in the west - raising children, hectic school and work schedules among other time consuming events that can drive partners further away if they don’t pay much
attention to each other. Examining the coin on both sides, lets take a peek.
The violent African man Most african men, even when they live in this country (US), still want their marriage life to be like the true african
indegens; where our mothers are very docile, respectful and complete housewives. Their lives centered around children, husband and chores. Most of our mothers where not educated so home was their everything. Understandable. So some African men in the west come here with that picture ; bring their wives and want to subject
them to the same traditional norms of executing marriages. If the woman agrees to that norm, fine and dandy but then if the woman decides to go to school too, does not want
more children than the couple can afford, or frankly the man is not financially strong to cater to Mum, children and back home, then they should discuss about ways that they can work together to help compliment each other’s efforts.
But some african men fail to realize that women are human beings too who want a husband, children, good education
and make their own contributions to society. So they marry young women, bring them to America, but do not want their women to improve themselves in any way possible. They have a very false sense of themslves Or are so insecure that
even their good intentions become violent or fatal. They suppress their women in all kinds of ways. They beat their wives here, leave them to suffer in winter without heat, afford them no clothing, some men even ration their wives and
children with food!! So insecure with their women here that they get violent on anything.Women cannot stay long on the phone. women cannot attend any community meetings, cannot go to school, and cannot dress like this and like that.
Some of these men fail to see the trauma they impose on their women and children in a quest to manage their women rather than the relationship. Some of these men will refuse to work or go to the gym to impress us!! The woman will do
two jobs and be responsible for everything whilst the man clubs hard , sleep all day and give a woman a punch in the face if his behaviour is questioned. They can have mistresses all over and will be dubbed" GorrGi", "KayKendo",
"Gainde", You are the man!! but a little protest from the woman can label her a prostitute or not ' a good woman'.Every little comment will be seen as betraying, belittling and a disappointment so beatings ensue. It is unfair .Men should take
note that It takes just a little cruelty to kill all the love a woman can have for any man. Honestly.
The cruelty is unbelievable.Yep and these are "educated", respectable and highly praised men in society. Intellectual
and religious warriors!! So often the woman is cornered. We all want to portray having a prince.Who do you complain to? Who will believe your story? Oh you taking your husband to the police? What a shame and bad name that will bring
to your families back home, is the all exculsive answer most african women get when confronted. And do not call your mother, because for most of them, lifting you up on a plane is generous enough for the man. So you rather die in an
abusive marriage in America than have your mother take sides with you or help you with your predicament. Passports and IDS all get seized and beatings abound for anything, from going out to the laundry, or cooking all the chicken in
the fridge or dare go out to the park alone. Women are allowed no space!! Wives are beaten in the west by ‘educated men’ in the west for all kinds of flimsiest allegations.So like anyhting gambian, this is all hush hush. We spend our
valuable energy , castigating and destroying eachother, rather than trying to understand or acquire some human skills that will help us cope with series of misunderstandings that can sometimes turn fatal as we are witnessing now.This
trend can no longer go undercover.
Some men go to Africa and portray a life style and pretensions about their status in America. They try to sell an image
or life style that is unrealistic. They court women on false identities. Trying to impress a beautiful woman all cloaked in treachery and fake. A woman whom you have no knowledge about or of her or upbringing. Only for the woman too to
discover that the brother driving an escalade and dining her out at hotels and clubs in the gambia is actually a dishwasher at a restaurant in Miami and lives in a one room apartment!! The greedy , fake, and beautiful girl, whom
you falsely impress to bring to US, well is going to abandon you and look for another Mr. Flashy. God help you because some of these girls are hungry to make it.!! They are petty thieves, little criminals and yes most of them now smoke
drink and get high. Yep.And worst of all sometimes, you dump your nice , kind american white or african american women, thinking they are too challenging and unmanageable.Only to end up with a home girl more destructive.
Honestly the american sisters have their issues too!! But who does not? Not knowing the african sisters are ahead of the westerners when it comes to any kind of behaviour.You cannot bring a "beautiful african" girl here and expect her
to go ugly for you!!Some men look for beautiful girls to marry but do not care at all about how she feels about herself or how she wants to live her life. These men think their women are only their objects and should behave so.And are only
beautiful only to the point she is discovered, then her life stops there. Or thinking because they are bringing them from Africa, they don't know much about America or the west. How wrong!
African women in America Bintu if you are flabbergasted with some African mens’ cruelty, please come meet their women counterparts. We are
not all innnocent in all this either.I have seen women come from the poorest of the poorest neighborhoods back home but as soon as they enter the USA, they want to live like Kimora Lee Simons or just behave like Condoleeza Rice or
Hillary Clinton all of a sudden. Our traditions and cultures are different , well you can be an independent westernised woman but I have seen Gambian women going for scary diet regimens, plastic surgery, complaining about their men
not giving them flowers often or taking them out on mother’s day dinners or birthday lunches. And I sometimes wonder, when have flowers become part of our dowries.
Some of us grow in households where flowers are seen for their wild beauty on magazines and some state quarters. It
is beautiful to adapt the beauty of other cultures especially if it positvely boost the woman’s self confidence but when has all these American traits of love affairs become our blue print too. Some of my friends do complain to me about
being very cold for the way I dump flowers in my apartment. I keep asking them but where do I take them and what can I do with all these flowers all the time. I appreciate and admire them but what else. These are just leaves. I cannot relate
to men giving me flowers. Am thankful and Of cause I will smile and take it home and just put it somewhere to get dry.
Nice greetings would do for me like a garden of rose. We have to be true to ourselves and realize that even if we see all these celebrities going out on Valentines holidays and dinners, fine I will take a valentine lunch but it makes no
difference to me from any other lunch date with a partner. I never grew up with any of those celebrations so I am trying hard to adapt. I appreciate it all the same but I do not get how a valentine lunch is different from brewing attaya with
your man and listening to music or playing scrabble or cooking domoda together.
I have seen these poor women cry foul over everything. Trying and hoping for lifestyles that their husbands cannot afford. Some of these "undereducated" women have the guts of accusing their husbands of not being educated
enough, laugh at their husbands when they pronounce stuff, refusing to have babies, and warning the husbands of being “In America” over every fringgin thing. Wacth out because this cruel african woman can make you homeless in a
second!! And God help the Man if such women collect few degrees!!!
I have seen women who are little criminals too. Whose main purpose to come to America is just to get a rich husband or
get rich quick because this false life and competition back home for who builds the biggest house for MUM or who has taken who to Mecca. That burden is not only on Men so some of our women have gone far to achieve and maintain the
competition back home. Check frauds, cheating and flirting with husbands friends whom they perceive as doing better financially, turning the children against Daddy all in the name of accumulating wealth and being aware, independent
and in AMERICA!!. So this competition is driving women crazy. I have a friend who has to dump his young wife when he discovered that she had made a duplicate key to his safe and has robbed him off thousands from his business money
to furnish her mother’s house. Of cousre my first question was , 'what happened to your bank account'? The fast track life is more eminent and dangerous with the Gambian women young and old than with men.
I have also seen Gambian women who just after 5 yrs in America have forgotten how to speak mandinka , wolof or Fula. They are college graduates and have taken the emancipation of women farther than Hillary, Eleanor or Condoleezza.
They switched the accents, the way they work, as if they are programmed, what they cook, they banish all kind s of healthy African foods for it ‘smells’. I always wonder what sane Gambian can go without Mbahal and Mono for a year. I
remember in DC we use to take long train trips to catch Aunty Haddy’s Mbahal days in deep Maryland or go get some dry fish and netatou from Oumie Saho.
These women have accounting jobs and managerial jobs so they think africanism is taboo when you reach
that far.But guess what even with all this nuisance from sisters does not guarantee any man to KILL his wife or girlfriend. Period. Everyone, i believe has someone waitng for you somewhere and it will come
when it will come. For real. Brothers has to learn to be comfortable with african women here in america, some are just adapting to the culture but are still in love with YOu!!. Their are so many women in America, African or otherwise. Why would any brother spend his life in jail over some woman, rob her of her life, of your your childrens' not to mention the grief from family.Men have to learn to control and
,manage their anger or leave in peace. Sooner or later a princess will emerge and you will not believe you were shedding tears over some fake love.
For women, the only way to deal with an abusive man is to leave completely and God help you along the way for the
lifetime war!! But at least you are not there to receive a bullet or a knife.Some of these "gentlemen" are nothing but pyscopaths soaked in degrees. They are not capable of either giving or receiving love.So to the sisters i say be brave,
be smart, know when to call it quits. Run! Don't wait for MUMs approval. Yep , the whole world will be turned against you but you know what you know with your GOd, the almighty! that is all you need. At least you know you did your best!!
-- Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22 "And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
