THINK THEY KNOW BUT DON'T PERSON Above all, these people want to be appreciated. They want attention and are very assertive about getting it. This is the type of person who knows just enough to be dangerous. When you first listen, he sounds like he knows what he's talking about. He's pretty convincing too since he himself believes he knows what he's talking about. Sometimes listening to this type of difficult person can be funny, but if something needs to be done correctly and it's crunch time, this person loses his charm. Then it becomes a vicious circle. People don't have the time to listen to him, and the less they listen to him, the more he craves attention. It's natural to be infuriated by this difficult person with his exaggerations and lies, but that won't get you anywhere. If you confront him aggressively, he will only exaggerate more and become louder. Your best approach is to catch him when he's giving out misinformation and, without putting him on the defensive, put a stop to it. Ask him questions that will clarify some specifics and show that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Be sure to ask in an innocent manner since if he feels humiliated, your approach will backfire. The next step is to correct what this difficult person said with the facts as you know them. At this point give him a way out by saying something like, "That's fairly new information and maybe you haven't read it yet." If there's something you can thank him for, you should do it. He will appreciate being appreciated. Then get back to a discussion of the facts. This tactic can work out well for you because when this difficult person sees that you know what you're talking about, he may become a fan of yours. The final step with this difficult type is to quietly let him know that his behavior has negative consequences for the group. At the same time, continue to give him reinforcement with the good things he does. That's really what he is looking for. DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF >________________________________ > From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Sent: Friday, 28 June 2013, 18:57 >Subject: Re: [G_L] Why difficult > > > >BUILDING YOUR PERSONAL POWER > > >When we're talking about personal power here, we're not referring to force or intimidation. We're talking about the power we have to validate each other, and to satisfy each other’s natural, universal ego hunger through acceptance, approval, and appreciation of each other. When we use this power successfully, it opens doors to everything we desire. In this chapter we'll take a look at your personal power. Most of us never understand that we have any power -- not over ourselves or over other people. > > >A person who values other people will: > > >1. Acknowledge the value of others. Think of it this way: (A). if you were the only person in the world, how much could you accomplish? (B). How much more could you accomplish as one among billions? Does that drive the point home? Did you ever consider that power is about how others see you? If you want power, people must see you as powerful. >2. Make more of others -- this will make more of you. Give people credit when it's due. It doesn't take anything away from you. On the contrary, it shows that you are strong and generous. This makes people in general admire you, especially the ones you are giving credit to. >3. Accept people for who they are. That doesn't mean that you necessarily like them, but if you want others to give you the power you seek, you must give it to them as well by allowing them to be who they are without judging them. >4. Work on approval, even of people you don't like. Everyone has something about him or her that you can admire. Everyone. When the other person feels your approval, he or she will give you the power you seek. >5. Appreciate others. Respect them and their time. See their individuality. When you give others the acceptance, approval, and appreciation you want yourself, you are improving your life. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy, and they will give acceptance, approval, and appreciation back to you. When you're dealing with difficult people, they will recognize your positive attitude toward them and reward you with their cooperation. > >DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF > > > >>________________________________ >> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]> >>To: [log in to unmask] >>Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:42 >>Subject: Re: [G_L] Why difficult >> >> >> >>SECRETS FOR INFLUENCING DIFFICULT PEOPLE >>Do you want to know a powerful secret that everyone should know but few people do? Whether we know it or not, the most precious possession for every human being is his ego. This does not mean that the person is "egotistical" in the pejorative sense of the word. >>What we are talking about is a sense of human dignity that we are all born with. It's a knowledge deep in each man or woman's heart that he or she is important and deserves respect. This is the true basis for self-esteem. It's a healthy force and a birthright. People who don't understand this often try to become significant through making money, becoming famous, or gaining power or significance in many different >>ways. >>This can cause a person to become an egotist in the negative sense, but that never satisfies the hunger for true inner self-esteem since it doesn't get to the root of real self esteem. This unsatisfied yearning for self-esteem creates most of the trouble in the world and also in the psyches of difficult people. >>If we remember a few truths about ourselves and everyone else, it will help us have much more successful relationships and encounters with others. Remember, >>1. We all care more about ourselves than anything else in the world. There's nothing wrong with this. It's how we survive. >>2. Every person wants to feel significant. >>3. Every person craves approval by others, so that he can approve of himself. >>We need to have some self-esteem before we can be kind to others. We need to like ourselves, at least to some extent, before we can like others. Knowing this helps us to understand why others act badly sometimes, and possibly why we do, too. >>When self esteem is good, people are easy to get along with. Their positive qualities dominate. They are tolerant and willing to listen to others' points-of-view. They can admit to being wrong sometimes since this is not crushing to their healthy self-esteem. When self-esteem is low, people are difficult to get along with. People who come on as bullies or blowhards do so because of low self-esteem, not high self-esteem. When self-esteem is low, even a critical glance or slightly negative remark can have a severe sting. >>Can you see the lesson here? The way to deal with this difficult person (all difficult people) is to help him like himself better. And do it in a genuine, authentic way, not in a superior, patronizing way. We all have good qualities as well as bad. Can you find the good qualities in the difficult person? If so, you will be able to treat him with respect. He will recognize that you have respect for him and will be easier to communicate with, now and in the future. Remember, we all have a deep hunger for respect, and if you treat others with respect, they will be much easier to get along with. >> >> >>extract from dealing with difficult personalities >> >>DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF >> >> >> >>>________________________________ >>> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]> >>>To: [log in to unmask] >>>Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:23 >>>Subject: [G_L] Why difficult >>> >>> >>> >>>WHAT MAKES SOME PEOPLE DIFFICULT? >>> >>> >>>The first thing we need to do to improve relationships with difficult people is to understand where they're coming from. People behave based on what they're thinking. Their behavior can change very quickly as their thoughts change, but understanding their frame of mind is the place to start. >>>Everyone has a wide range of behavior including normal behavior and behavior under difficult circumstances. In their book Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner talk about intent being at the root of behavior. They believe there are four types of intent: getting it done, getting it right, getting along, and getting appreciation. >>> >>> >>>Depending on what they want at the time, difficult people can shift from one of these states to another. You can easily tell where people are coming from by looking at their communication style. In the "get it done" mode people are focused on a task to be completed. Communication is brief and to the point. >>>In the "get it right" mode focus is on the details of the task, with documentation to prove the task has been done correctly. In the "get along" mode the person is considerate of others' feelings and opinions. In the "get appreciated" mode the person has an elaborate style that calls attention to himself. >>> >>> >>>Clearly, if people who are working together have the same communication style, it would be smooth sailing. Problems arise when people with different communication styles or intent are working together. For instance, when people want to "get it done" and it's not getting done, they become more controlling. The Big Bully, The Ambush Artist, and The No It All Non-Listener all become more controlling when they feel threatened. When people want to "get it right" and are afraid it's being done wrong, they become more perfectionistic. The Deep Deep Freeze, The No, Not, Never Person, and The Complaint Central Person all become more perfectionistic when they feel something is being done incorrectly. >>> >>> >>>When people want to "get along" and think they're being left out, they become more approval seeking. The Wishy Washy One and the Yes Me to Death Fraud become even more approval seeking when they feel they are being ignored or rejected. When people want "to be appreciated" and think they're not, they become more attention seeking. The Volatile Volumizer and the Think They Know It Alls try harder to get attention when they feel they are not being appreciated. >>> >>> >>>Have you noticed that while you're reading through this list of the 5 most difficult behaviors, you might have run into yourself? If we’re going to be honest, don't we all whine, complain, procrastinate about making a decision, and all the other behaviors from time to time? The difference is probably that we don't do it as often as difficult people and we don't do it with the intensity they do. When we see ourselves acting this way, we often deliberately change our behavior. Difficult people become more difficult when they feel threatened and not understood, so how we interact with them is key to them behaving at their best, not their worst. In the next chapter will take a look at how we can communicate with difficult people to bring out the best in them. >>> >>> >>> >>>DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF >>> >>> >>> >>>>________________________________ >>>> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]> >>>>To: [log in to unmask] >>>>Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:05 >>>>Subject: [G_L] Difficult personalities >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>THE VOLATILE VOLUMIZER >>>>This person is disruptive and confusing because he takes an ordinary situation and blows it out of proportion with hostility that is inappropriate to what is actually going on. This is the person who throws a fit when they get his coffee order wrong at Starbucks for his lunch order wrong at McDonald's. >>>> >>>>THE THINK THEY KNOW BUT DON'TS >>>>These people love to dominate meetings or parties. They believe they know what they're talking about, and they sound so sure of themselves that it takes someone with some real expertise to know that what they are saying is empty and wrong. Their goal is to get attention, and they fool enough people so that they usually succeed. >>>> >>>>THE YES ME TO DEATH FRAUD >>>>These people are infuriating because they seem to be the nicest people around. They'll offer to do anything for anyone. They want to keep everybody happy. They'll do anything to avoid confrontation. But when it comes to delivering on the things they said they would do, what they deliver is excuses. They over-commit themselves so they have no time to actually do what they promised. Then they're surprised when you resent them for it. >>>>THE NO, NOT, NEVER PERSON >>>>These people approach life with such futility and hopelessness that they give up before they even try. They are the ones who shoot down every good idea, whether it's at a meeting or presentation. They are so sincere in their belief that things won't work; they can't understand why you don't see it, too. >>>> >>>>THE BIG BULLY >>>>These people can ruin any day and any project. Whether they've contributed anything themselves or not, they come on full blast with criticism and accusations. They have only negative things to say about you and what you've done, and they think they've come to save the day. As people stand paralyzed around them, they take over and start to bark orders. Soon, however, they lose interest and move off in another direction. With everyone demoralized around you, you are left to pick up the pieces. >>>> >>>>DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>>________________________________ >>>>> >>>>> ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html >>>>To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ >>>> >>>> ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html >>>To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ >>> >>> ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html >>To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ >> >> ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html >To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ > > ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ To unsubscribe/subscribe or view archives of postings, go to the Gambia-L Web interface at: http://listserv.icors.org/archives/gambia-l.html To Search in the Gambia-L archives, go to: http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?S1=gambia-l To contact the List Management, please send an e-mail to: [log in to unmask] ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤