Dale Carnegie's Personal
Development top 3
techniques for handling people shows simple but hugely effective things all of
us can do to influence others. I've been reading this book 'How to win friends
and influence people'. It's one of those all time best sellers, that people
just keep talking about so I picked up a copy last week.
Success books are about giving you an idea, or some stimulus or some training
to move you from one place to the next. We really become the sum total of
everything we absorb. I enjoy reading these books, anything that can help me
become a better person I need and also, I love to extend it to others who might
get same benefits as I did.
Sometimes these books are so logical, so basic that you wonder why they are
bestsellers, how is it they are talked about so highly for so long. I mean -
this book was first published in the 1930′s. But I've come to realize, that for
a lot of people, they were never trained from childhood how to relate to
people, how care about someone other than themselves, how to be genuinely about
to connect and lead people - these books break it down so simply, anyone can improve
their relationships.
How To Win Friends and Influence People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain
Criticism, condemnation or complaining just alienates and sets others against
you. He advises:
'When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of
logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with
prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity'. Just think back to an experience
where you have known this to be true. What about if someone has criticized you,
even if it was deserved, did it make you want to help that person or do
something to make them happy? Or did it make you withdraw somewhat, or get
angry, irritated or annoyed.
The criticized person tends to justify themselves, because they only see things
from their own point of view. The blame is not theirs but others. All criticism
does is make people defensive, resentful and hurt. Ultimately the situation
that needed to be changed will remain. Psychologists have proven in case
studies that 'animals rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly
and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior'.
Encouraging the good, having self-control and great character should be the aim
of all of us. 'A great man (or woman) shows greatness by the way he treats
little men'. There are some people who live to complain. Those customers that
call or email and just want to rant, or maybe you have kids and they haven't done
what you've asked 10 times already. You need to decide the type of person you
want to be known for. Learn patience, understanding and 'speak the
good of everybody'.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
Dale Carnegie's observation here is that the 'deepest urge in human nature is
the desire to be important'. When we can make people feel important you will
have instant rapport. Take the time to thank others, acknowledge their contribution
to something, notice even the little things others do around you - they will
open their heart to you because you have cared about what they care about
themselves! 'Here is a
gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly
satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and
'even
the undertaker will be sorry when he dies'.
One of the greatest assets you can develop in yourself is the ability to really
appreciate and encourage those around you. Be lavish in your praise and
acknowledgement of everyone you meet. Not in a false, mechanical way but genuinely
reach out and sincerely connect - it will reap unbelievable rewards.
He tells a story to illustrate this truth:
'According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of her heavy day's
work, set before her men folks a heaping pile of hay. And when they indignantly
demanded whether she had gone crazy she replied: "Why, how did I know
you'd notice? I've been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and in
all that time I've heard no word to let me know you weren’t just eating
hay." When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you
think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was 'lack of
appreciation'. And I'd bet that a similar study made of
runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take our spouses so much
for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.'
This is not flattery we are talking about, or self-motivated words to appease
someone but genuine appreciation and acknowledgment. You could be working in an
office where the cleaner comes and goes and you've never stopped to say thank you.
You could pass the receptionist or supermarket checkout assistant and never
take the time to make them feel great. Such a simple thing can cause you to
have influence and favored wherever you go.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
There is a quote in this section that is fascinating, it says: ‘the only way
on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show
them how to get it'
He elaborates by saying: 'The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking
so the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous
advantage'.
As a business owner you want to sell
something to someone. This is a great tip for your sales.
What does your customer want? In their words, what are they looking for? When
you can give them what they want, then you can show them how to get it, you'll
have unlimited potential to help your customers get exactly what they are
looking for. 'Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire...'.
Carnegie says: 'Tomorrow you may want
to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself:
"How can I make this person want to do it?" That question will stop
us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our
desires.'
He quotes Henry Ford as saying: 'if
there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other
person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from
your own'.
If we all just took a bit of time and worked on our personal development and
paid attention to those around us, treating them how we ourselves would like to
be treated, imagine how great it would be. That feeling of being accepted and important
would build relationships both personally and professionally. These keys really
start to separate the great from the ordinary, you really will 'win friends and
influence people.