Thanks Yero and Bamba Mass. Dictators should know that while they can spew utter nonsense 9such as threating to ban English) and insult the collective intelligence of their people, such nonsense will be multiplied many times over and shoved right back into their ugly faces. They say what they like, we write what we like.
Baba
Date: Sun, 9 Mar 2014 18:11:01 -0500
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: [G_L] The Mickey Mouse Leader
To: [log in to unmask]
Baba -
I just get done reading the piece. it is a beautiful construct built on material fact and fleshed with humor. It certainly captures Jammeh's rants.
Thanks for the enlightenment. Of course for the weekend's humor as well.
Yero.
Date: Sun, 9 Mar 2014 10:13:50 -0700
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [G_L] The Mickey Mouse Leader
To: [log in to unmask]
The Mickey Mouse
Leader
By Baba Galleh Jallow
His Mouthy Lousy the Poxident, Snooty Largy Dotty Mickey MMM
Mouse was at his best of the worst. Dressed in his customary cowhide robes, his
iron scarf hung around his neck, his wooden cap on his rugged head, and his
iron boots strapped to his flat feet, he had convened an emergency meeting of
his cabinet to enlighten them on the history of his personal country and to
tell them a thing or two about the so-called Mickey Mouse West whose 400 years
of Mickey Mouse colonial rule failed to build even a single Mickey Mouse school
or Mickey Mouse hospital. Perched on his throne of human skulls and bones, Mickey
Mouse foamed at the mouth as gusts of red fury periodically spurted from his
flaring nostrils and filled the room with venomous vapors. Like puppets on an
invisible string, the ministers sat in their places and fawned and clapped and
boogie-boogied, competing over who was first to hit their palms together at the
puppet master’s incoherent rants.
“Four hundred years of Mickey Mouse colonial rule and not a
single Mickey Mouse school,” Mickey Mouse breathlessly fumed. “And then after
our so-called Mickey Mouse independence, the Mickey Mouse government that took
over spent 30 years of Mickey Mouse rule without building a single school or
hospital. But then everyone said that government was a Mickey Mouse democracy
which practiced Mickey Mouse good governance. Well I must not hear that said
and whoever dares to repeat those words will go to hell.” The ministers broke out
in rapturous applause with loud cries and shrieks of hear hear how true how
true hitting the walls and bouncing off the meeting table, sending sparks of lightning
flashes into the air.
Thus encouraged and feeling his head in the imaginary skies,
Mickey Mouse dashed on at 100 miles per hour. “I have been president for only
twenty years and now everyone sees me on my own TV even in the so-called United
Kingdom. I now have my personal university in this country and even the
children of Mickey Mouse beggars can go to school free of charge. I have been
here for only twenty years and even Mickey Mouse beggars can afford health care
free of charge. My hospitals are overflowing with all kinds of medicines and my
doctors are more than one thousand in only twenty years. I have my personal
radio and everyone hears my voice on the air. And they now come here and try to
tell me about Mickey Mouse human rights and Mickey Mouse democracy and Mickey
Mouse rule of law. What law? I am the only law and the only human right in my
country and if they don’t like it they can go to hell.”
His last words were drowned in an even louder round of
rapturous applause with some of the ministers jumping into the air and flinging
their caps on the ground. Some rushed to kiss his feet while others swooned
with juicy pleasure. A funny noise was heard in the background as Mickey Mouse
shifted his weight and tried hard to maintain the severe look on his Mickey
Mouse face, his whiskers stiff and unmoving like tiny iron rods. He must not be
seen to smile or show any other sign of weakness at this critical moment of history
when he had to make it known to those Mickey Mouse whites and their traitorous
and unpatriotic Diaspora collaborators that he was not here to stay. He was
only here to rectify a corrupt system and step down after a thousand years. Transparency,
accountability and probity are his personal Mickey Mouse principles. If they
are trying to call him a liar and a hypocrite, he will let them know that lying
and hypocrisy is a matter of Mickey Mouse choice and he did not give a hoot. He
opened his mouth and let the bombshells fly like potato missiles into the room.
“They issue their so-called Mickey Mouse country reports and
say Mickey Mouse killed this man or Mickey Mouse killed that man. They say I
perform human sacrifice and that I arrest people without warrant or charges and
that I am only pretending to have a cure for HIV/AIDS, impotence, pancreatic
cancer, epilepsy and even diabetes, stroke and female infertility. Well if they
think I cannot cure Aids or asthma then they should come here and tell me face
to face their Mickey Mouse nonsense. Belay belay belay, they would then know
that Mickey Mouse is no Mickey Mouse joker. I will cut their heads off and
stuff it in their mouths.” The ministers’ applause at the mention of cutting heads
was rather subdued and muffled. They knew all about the gruesome tales of
head-cutting ascribed to Mickey Mouse and how those who clapped for him after
certain gruesome tales often disappeared or were rumored to end up on the menu
of his giant crocodiles or dumped into an old well outside his palace walls.
They were relieved when Mickey Mouse moved away from all that talk about
cutting heads, even Mickey Mouse heads.
“Why do you think people now see me on radio and television?”
Mickey Mouse asked, tilting his head into the skies, gnashing his teeth and
flicking his tongue several times to emphasize his point. “I will tell you why.
It is because I don’t accept any Mickey Mouse ignorance because I am not
ignorant and I don’t want to hear the word ignorant in my personal country. The
only thing that the British left us in this country is their Mickey Mouse
English language which we are going to ban in this country very soon. In fact, from
now on, no more English in this country and if anyone speaks English I will cut
their tongues and I will seal their mouths with hot molten lava. They also left
us the neck tie which was meant to make us tame and submissive. I have donkeys
and horses and elephants and giraffes and I am an expert in animal husbands and
wives. If you tie a rope around an animal’s neck, it will follow you
everywhere. And so that is why they want us to wear the neck tie so that they
can pull us around and lecture us about Mickey Mouse human rights, Mickey Mouse democracy and Mickey Mouse good governance. They even respect the
animals more than they respect us. In fact, from now on, no more English and no
more neck ties in this country. And whoever dares to mention the words human
rights or democracy will go to hell faster than a horse can run.” Mickey Mouse
paused, waiting for the usual applause but only one or two weak claps sounded across
the room. In spite of themselves, the ministers were dumbfounded by the idea of
banning English and using local languages for governance purposes. Something
was just not right about this Mickey Mouse idea. Moreover, most of them were
wearing neck ties. Some reached instinctively up to loosen their ties, pull
them off their heads and fling them on the floor. Others felt as if they would
melt into thin air and were drenched with cold sweat.
Savoring the fear he had just injected into the hearts of
his ministers, Mickey Mouse resumed his rant. “The Mickey Mouse west opens its
big mouth and tries to lecture me about the independence of the judiciary. Well
let me tell them something. There is no independence of the judiciary in my
country. If they want to try their Mickey Mouse independence of the judiciary,
let them remove one of the wheels from their car and try to drive it at 100
miles per hour. They will then know what their Mickey Mouse independence of the
judiciary will do to them.” Happy that the rant has moved away from the thorny
issue of banning English and neck ties, the ministers jumped to their feet and
gave Mickey Mouse a standing ovation sprinkled with loud shrieks of hear hear
truth truth! Mickey Mouse maintained his stony face and stiff whiskers as the
applause subsided and the ministers dropped back into their seats like heavy bags
of sand.
“They also open their big mouths and call me dictator. Yes,
I am proud to be a dictator because I am not a follower. I am a leader and I am
a bloody dictator of the developmental kind; the kind that knows everything
about development even before they were born. If they don’t like it they can go
to hell. And if they are thinking of coming back to colonize us again, I will
tell them that will only happen over my dead and rotten body. That’s all I have
to say and I want all of you to go back to your offices and work like donkeys.
If they think that donkeys are better than us, we will show them we can work as
hard as donkeys if not even harder.”
After another round of muted applause, the ministers sat
still until His Mouthy Lousy the Poxident, Snooty Largy Dotty Mickey MMM Mousey
vacated his seat and disappeared in a huff into his secret door, the one he had
built just in case he needed to escape from some Mickey Mouse bandit out to get
him. As he scurried away, he cast an angry glance at one of the ministers who
did not clap or shout loud enough. A few hours later, the minister was fired,
arrested and charged with giving false information to a public official. He was
sentenced to life imprisonment with hard labor without the possibility of
parole.
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