The God Theory --Marriage, women, men and their psychology!
 
http://gainako.com/?p=5182
 



The God Theory –Marriage, women, men
and their psychology!


By Yero
Jallow


We are back
to the thought provoking God theory after another month. This time around, we
were blessed to have one of the youngest Imams of Daral Farooq Mosque in
Minnesota, Sheikh Omar ibn Abdurrahman as a guest speaker at the Gambian
Islamic Center on Saturday May 17th 2014. The topic, “Marriage, women,
men and their psychology” was probably the most educative yet humorous from its
deliverance. If for anything, right before delving in my reviews and analysis,
I must say, it shows that public speaking must be accompanied by humor, substance
and wisdom. If substance, humor and wisdom are not included in public speaking,
it has a tendency to lose constituency. In my view, anyone without constituency
is cornered and kissing off to success goodbye. It must be argued that
education no matter how small or big must certainly be accompanied by wisdom
and application for it to be beneficial to the person and society. But right at
the start, the Imam made the joking announcement that some of us might have
done the mistake already so the lecture is an effort to help others. 


The Best of Gatherings 


With an
encouraging opening, Sheikh Omar blessed the gathering by saying that according
to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), “this was the best of gatherings.” Continuing
on this, Imam Omar said when people are gathered reciting the Quran and
learning from one another, God brings peace and tranquility upon them, added to
mentioning their names in a large parade of angels.  Imam Omar added, “Right after this, the angels
notified God that so and so are here in this gathering for the wrong reason.”
God in response said to the angels, “He still forgave them as they were in good
company.”


Imam
positioned right at the beginning that “family is the foundation of society”
and how we get into marriage requires lots of calculations and following
Islamic codes to make connections with God for a better world, otherwise there
is likely to be some problems. 


Understanding the psychology of men


Imam Omar
was certainly humorous on this topic, as he was much more relaxed than the one
that I am used to seeing addressing congregations at the Daral Farooq mosque
over the years. He jokingly said “of course men like their space and being
treated like kings.” He went further to argue that from Islamic perspective, “men
are in charge” for leadership in the household, therefore, it is a need for the
husband to be righteous, of good morals, have trustworthiness and know how to
decode women communication language. He resembled the husband to the CEO of a
company, saying “If the CEO doesn’t know how to treat his employees, such a
company will be dead.” Imam Omar added by saying, “If you do not have patience,
you will not enjoy marriage with women.”


More
revealing was Imam’s mentioning that when a man or woman is seeking a partner,
it shouldn’t be left to the parents alone. You should examine the partner personally
and physically and makes sure it fits what you are looking for in all aspects;
of course physical examination must not be confused with premarital sex. 


Understanding the psychology of women



Imam went
further to say understanding the psychology of women is very important in a
marriage household. “You don’t expect a woman will sit with you on the table
for a lecture about how to correct things” he said. He added, “Don’t even ask a
woman frowning at you when you get home, what I have done wrong?”According to
him, the woman expects you to decode his communication signs and acts upon
them. Using Aisha’s (RA) “jealousy” and “actions” inside the Prophet Muhammad’s
(PBUH) household to explain this, from Aisha kicking a tray of meat out of jealousy
from her co-wife’s maid, to stalking the prophet when he visited the graves to
supplicate for his late companions, and even conspiring with the other co-wives
against the big man of the house, Muhammad (PBUH), the seal of the prophets. 


Of course
the love of humanity, Muhammad (PBUH) was himself an ordinary human being
outside his gift of being a prophet, so he encountered strong conspiracy from
the two temperamental groups, Hafsah ibn Omar (RA) and Aisha ibn Abubacarr out
of typical jealousy. At some point the “jealousy” heightened to where Aisha’s conspiracy
lead her telling the prophet that “he (the Prophet) smelled magafir” (a
particular herb with hateful odor). But the Prophet wasn’t an ordinary man,
apart from his gift of wisdom, he was one greatly chosen and favored by his
lord, such as evidenced from both the Quran and his way of tradition. 


Miscellaneous


The Imam
took some heat to answer some questions about the possibility of black prophets
as according to him, anthropologists have evidence that humanity was started in
Africa. 


Asked if he
supports leadership of women, Imam explained, “When I said, ‘men were in charge,’
I only meant in family household leadership.” 


On the whole
confusion about slavery and its continued existence, he said that God have a
way of alleviating things, thus He (Allah) made it a noble undertaking to free
a slave when you commit certain wrongs. “What does that tell you?” he
rhetorically asked. In recap, enslavement is wrong and never endorsed by God,
but since this practice was in place, as usual human’s desire for dominance and
control against weaker and less privileged humans, they took it upon
themselves, probably justifying it from their own agendas. 


On whether a
man should inform his wife when seeking a second wife, Imam said a man should
do more than that by not hiding the two families from one another, and that if
a man can’t deal with the emotional, physical and financial burden that comes
with polygamy; then it is unlawful and forbidden for him. 


The Conclusion


It is one of
the topics you will rarely come across as people are too consumed by politics,
sports, and some other pleasures yet it is family life, something that most
human beings aspire. Personally, I do agree with the Imam’s lecture, and he
certainly plugged the devil out of many attendees, with some youths I heard
saying on the low, “The Imam hit me on this point.”  Another thing stood out very interesting for
me, and that is all the goods and odds that happened in the Prophet’s household
lives to be examples we can use in our daily lives. Besides, one of humanity’s
greatest was such a simple person. I think that is a clear testimony of
Muhammad’s (PBUH) miraculous and gifted nature. As luck may have it, for any
that didn’t meet the Prophet on earth can only wish to meet him in the
hereafter, perhaps with the highest of salutes. (Amen).


So in a
recap, “all glitters are not gold,” and that all marriage houses have their own
triumphs and struggles, be it what is known or what is kept secret. The
greatest question is: How do you reconcile two opposite forces? It becomes a
search criterion –a choice making and compatibility venture, the willingness to
adore, love, forgive, and stay in such a bind, as well as the four lettered
word, l-u-c-k! What helps all these as Imam Omar advised simply understanding
the psychology of men and women. 


The Ends.



"There is no god but Allah; & Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger"
 
Kind Regards,
Yero.  

                                          

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