The God Theory --Marriage, women, men and their psychology!
 
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The God Theory –Marriage, women, men and their psychology!

By Yero Jallow

We are back to the thought provoking God theory after another month. This time around, we were blessed to have one of the youngest Imams of Daral Farooq Mosque in Minnesota, Sheikh Omar ibn Abdurrahman as a guest speaker at the Gambian Islamic Center on Saturday May 17^th 2014. The topic, “Marriage, women, men and their psychology” was probably the most educative yet humorous from its deliverance. If for anything, right before delving in my reviews and analysis, I must say, it shows that public speaking must be accompanied by humor, substance and wisdom. If substance, humor and wisdom are not included in public speaking, it has a tendency to lose constituency. In my view, anyone without constituency is cornered and kissing off to success goodbye. It must be argued that education no matter how small or big must certainly be accompanied by wisdom and application for it to be beneficial to the person and society. But right at the start, the Imam made the joking announcement that some of us might have done the mistake already so the lecture is an effort to help others.

The Best of Gatherings

With an encouraging opening, Sheikh Omar blessed the gathering by saying that according to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), “this was the best of gatherings.” Continuing on this, Imam Omar said when people are gathered reciting the Quran and learning from one another, God brings peace and tranquility upon them, added to mentioning their names in a large parade of angels.  Imam Omar added, “Right after this, the angels notified God that so and so are here in this gathering for the wrong reason.” God in response said to the angels, “He still forgave them as they were in good company.”

Imam positioned right at the beginning that “family is the foundation of society” and how we get into marriage requires lots of calculations and following Islamic codes to make connections with God for a better world, otherwise there is likely to be some problems.

Understanding the psychology of men

Imam Omar was certainly humorous on this topic, as he was much more relaxed than the one that I am used to seeing addressing congregations at the Daral Farooq mosque over the years. He jokingly said “of course men like their space and being treated like kings.” He went further to argue that from Islamic perspective, “men are in charge” for leadership in the household, therefore, it is a need for the husband to be righteous, of good morals, have trustworthiness and know how to decode women communication language. He resembled the husband to the CEO of a company, saying “If the CEO doesn’t know how to treat his employees, such a company will be dead.” Imam Omar added by saying, “If you do not have patience, you will not enjoy marriage with women.”

More revealing was Imam’s mentioning that when a man or woman is seeking a partner, it shouldn’t be left to the parents alone. You should examine the partner personally and physically and makes sure it fits what you are looking for in all aspects; of course physical examination must not be confused with premarital sex.

Understanding the psychology of women

Imam went further to say understanding the psychology of women is very important in a marriage household. “You don’t expect a woman will sit with you on the table for a lecture about how to correct things” he said. He added, “Don’t even ask a woman frowning at you when you get home, what I have done wrong?”According to him, the woman expects you to decode his communication signs and acts upon them. Using Aisha’s (RA) “jealousy” and “actions” inside the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) household to explain this, from Aisha kicking a tray of meat out of jealousy from her co-wife’s maid, to stalking the prophet when he visited the graves to supplicate for his late companions, and even conspiring with the other co-wives against the big man of the house, Muhammad (PBUH), the seal of the prophets.

Of course the love of humanity, Muhammad (PBUH) was himself an ordinary human being outside his gift of being a prophet, so he encountered strong conspiracy from the two temperamental groups, Hafsah ibn Omar (RA) and Aisha ibn Abubacarr out of typical jealousy. At some point the “jealousy” heightened to where Aisha’s conspiracy lead her telling the prophet that “he (the Prophet) smelled magafir” (a particular herb with hateful odor). But the Prophet wasn’t an ordinary man, apart from his gift of wisdom, he was one greatly chosen and favored by his lord, such as evidenced from both the Quran and his way of tradition.

Miscellaneous

The Imam took some heat to answer some questions about the possibility of black prophets as according to him, anthropologists have evidence that humanity was started in Africa.

Asked if he supports leadership of women, Imam explained, “When I said, ‘men were in charge,’ I only meant in family household leadership.”

On the whole confusion about slavery and its continued existence, he said that God have a way of alleviating things, thus He (Allah) made it a noble undertaking to free a slave when you commit certain wrongs. “What does that tell you?” he rhetorically asked. In recap, enslavement is wrong and never endorsed by God, but since this practice was in place, as usual human’s desire for dominance and control against weaker and less privileged humans, they took it upon themselves, probably justifying it from their own agendas.

On whether a man should inform his wife when seeking a second wife, Imam said a man should do more than that by not hiding the two families from one another, and that if a man can’t deal with the emotional, physical and financial burden that comes with polygamy; then it is unlawful and forbidden for him.

The Conclusion

It is one of the topics you will rarely come across as people are too consumed by politics, sports, and some other pleasures yet it is family life, something that most human beings aspire. Personally, I do agree with the Imam’s lecture, and he certainly plugged the devil out of many attendees, with some youths I heard saying on the low, “The Imam hit me on this point.”  Another thing stood out very interesting for me, and that is all the goods and odds that happened in the Prophet’s household lives to be examples we can use in our daily lives. Besides, one of humanity’s greatest was such a simple person. I think that is a clear testimony of Muhammad’s (PBUH) miraculous and gifted nature. As luck may have it, for any that didn’t meet the Prophet on earth can only wish to meet him in the hereafter, perhaps with the highest of salutes. (Amen).

So in a recap, “all glitters are not gold,” and that all marriage houses have their own triumphs and struggles, be it what is known or what is kept secret. The greatest question is: How do you reconcile two opposite forces? It becomes a search criterion –a choice making and compatibility venture, the willingness to adore, love, forgive, and stay in such a bind, as well as the four lettered word, l-u-c-k! What helps all these as Imam Omar advised simply understanding the psychology of men and women.

The Ends.

"There is no god but Allah; & Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger"
 
Kind Regards,
Yero.