Chapter Nineteen

How Loony admitted defeat then insisted that he was in fact the winner

The animals of Smiling Forest could not believe their ears or eyes as they listened and watched General Loony admit defeat on national radio and television. They held their mouths and wiped tears of joy and shock from their eyes as they listened and watched the fox who had described himself as invincible and threatened to rule them for a billion years humbly concede defeat and promise to retire peacefully to his home village to become a champion farmer. Surely, this could not be real? Surely, this could not possibly be happening? The animals watched and listened, their hearts beating like a thousand drums in their chests as the defeated Loony, looking tired and broken, delivered his unprecedented admission of defeat.

“You animals have spoken,” Loony cackled through his horse’s mouth, revealing his large teeth. “Through you the Great God Yallah has spoken. I can hear the voice of the Great God Yallah saying Loony, this is it; your time is up. I happily submit to our will and the will of the Great God Yallah. I admit defeat and I will never question the decision of the Great God Yallah or go against the will of you, the animals of Smiling Forest. I admit defeat because our system is rig-proof and the best and most transparent in the world.” Loony let out a plaintive yelp of defeat and bared his teeth in a futile attempt to smile and hide his pain. He went on to say how much he loved the animals of Smiling Forest, how much he loved the female animals and the young animals in particular, because without the female animals and the young animals, he would have been a total failure. “I love you all and I will even die for you,” he whimpered, “and I thank you all for loving me back.”

“I have been your ruler for 22 years. But after 22 years the Great God Yallah has finally spoken,” he cackled, struggling to hold back his tears. “After 22 years I am now defeated. You animals say you want another ruler and now you have another ruler. I am no longer your ruler. I came 22 years ago on the sixth day of the week in the seventh month. I go 22 years later on the sixth day of the week in the 12^th month. 22, 22, six, six. That means the Great God Yallah has spoken and this is destiny and I will never question the will of the Great God Yallah. I know that the contest was totally free and fair because our wrestling system is rig-proof and no one has ever cheated and no one can ever cheat. So I am happy to accept defeat because our system is open and fair and I do not want to contest the will of the Great God Yallah. I was thrown down before you all. And to those of you who were in my government, if you have no job do not cry. You can come to my home village and become a farmer like me because I will become a champion farmer. It’s a mad day.”

Loony rattled on and on about how the Great God Yallah had spoken and how as a total devotee and servant of the Great God Yallah whom alone he feared, he would never contest his defeat. The animals could see that Loony was severely confused. Several times he ended his rambling rant and stood up as if to leave only to sit back down and start rambling again. It seemed as if the throne was so sweet to his backside that he couldn’t bear not to sit on it, for just one last time, one last time.

Finally, after a long and rambling rant, Loony’s speech was over. At the same time, Smiling Forest erupted in the wildest jubilations the animals had ever seen. Large crowds of animals drove their cars in the streets honking their horns, doing the V for victory sign, and shouting “down with Loony!” at the top of their voices. Even the armed foxes joined the jubilations, celebrating the fall of the wicked fox that had ruled them with an iron fist for 22 long years. Loony was devastated to see how happy the animals were that he had been defeated and would no longer be their ruler. He was devastated to see animals climb tall buildings and rip to pieces large posters bearing his ugly face. He was devastated to see animals cast his images to the ground and dance on his face, stamping on it, wiggling their butts and even doing the unthinkable on his face. He was devastated to be forced to see and admit for the first time in 22 years that so many animals in Smiling Forest were sick and tired of him and were so happy to see him go. His amazement turned to crippling fear as word spread that the incoming government was in fact going to arrest and have him prosecuted for all the horrendous crimes he had committed over the past 22 years. Even though this was not the official position of the incoming government, Loony was scared out of his wits. He was so scared that his large tail shrunk and the hair fell off his ears. Then suddenly, it occurred to him that he could use this as an excuse to insist that the contest wasn’t fair and that he was in fact the winner of the wrestling contest because the referee cheated for his opponent.

Exactly one week after accepting defeat and congratulating the winner whom he described as the new ruler of Smiling Forest, Loony summoned national radio and television to his palace to announce that he totally rejected the outcome of the wrestling contest and that he was no longer stepping down because he was in fact the winner.

“Last week I told you that I was defeated. Today I am telling you that I was not defeated,” he thundered to the stupefied amazement of the animals. “Today I tell you that I totally reject the outcome of the contest and nullify the victory of my opponent because it was never a victory. My agents have done their investigations and we have found cheating and anomalies, and we have found that the referee cheated for my opponent. We know that when the dust was high and no one was looking, the referees jumped into the fray and pulled my legs and grabbed my neck so that my opponent could throw me down. I felt them pull my legs and I felt their claws on my neck but I thought it was just my opponent. Moreover, some of the animals, over 300, 000 of them were not allowed to support me. They were told the big lie that I had already been thrown down and there was no need for them to come. So I am not accepting any damn defeat and if you don’t like it you can go to hell. I command all of you to go right back and prepare for a new contest. I will appoint new God-fearing referees and I will engage my opponent again. I am doing this because I was cheated of my victory by referees who did not fear the Great God Yallah and were cheats and liars. I am never stepping down and I will continue to rule this forest for a billion years. I fear no one and I am invincible. If you don’t like it you can go to hell!”  

Loony’s strange declaration poured cold water on the hopes and spirits of the animals. There was a universal groan and a moan, and shrill cries of utter disbelief at Loony’s strange action. He had promised to hand over power the following month, and he would be the legitimate ruler of Smiling Forest until that date. Now, he threatened to continue ruling the animals again, whether they liked it or not, and in the process, he could bring about violent conflict in Smiling Forest. The animals could not help remember Loony’s many boasts that no one could ever defeat him in Smiling Forest and that even if someone threw him down, he would never step down from power because he personally owned Smiling Forest and the lives of all the animals of Smiling Forest. It appeared that Loony was indeed determined to rule them for a billion years even if it meant violence and loss of life and limb in Smiling Forest. Loony followed up his threats by deploying heavily armed foxes all over Smiling Forest were they set up road blocks and mounted sand bags as if in readiness for combat. Loony expected the animals to come out in protest so that he could crush them all with rapid gun fire, arrest the victor and all his team for inciting the protests, kill or thrown them into jail and sit calmly back to continue ruling Smiling Forest with total impunity. But the animals did not come out to protest. They simply ignored the armed foxes and went calmly about their daily activities. And so Loony’s evil plot was foiled and suffered a still birth. Rather than go out to protest, the animals used their voices like never before to ask Loony to step down from power and to let him know in no uncertain terms that they were taking their forest back.

Loony was dumbstruck to see the very outspoken reactions of the animals. All kinds of animal groups put out statements condemning Loony’s about face, rejecting his claims of victory, and asking him to just step down and hand over power to the winner. From student groups to lecturers’ groups, doctors, nurses, businesses, journalists, lawyers, pharmacists and other professionals, everyone came out and asked Loony to step down. “We are sick and tired of your callous brutality!” they shouted. “We don’t want you anymore! Leave us in peace! We want our forest and our lives back! Go away! If you don’t go we will refuse to work!” It was clear that no animal feared Loony or his notorious Mental Surveillance Unit, or his armed foxes anymore. The animals had tasted power and they were now going to make sure that Loony felt the weight of their muscles.  

The animals of Smiling Forest were so happy to see that everyone in the world supported their calls for Loony to step down. Messages of congratulation to the winner poured in from all over the world, from the distant forests of the red animals and the brown animals, to the forests of the beard and turbaned animals whom Loony considered his closest allies. Even Vulad da Pudding, the callous dictator of the red forest of Rizzi congratulated the winner. Everyone put out statements asking Loony to respect the will of the animals of Smiling Forest and step down from power. The association of neighboring forests sent high level envoys to talk to Loony, but Loony rejected their appeals and mediation, declaring that no power on earth could tell him what to do in his personal forest. “I own this forest and I will rule this forest forever and no power in the world can make me change my mind. I won the contest. The referees were thieves and cheated for my opponent. I must have a re-match because I have rejected and totally annulled the declared results of the past contest. So let no one tell me what to do or to step down!” he insisted fuming at the nose and mouth.

Having failed to convince him to step down peacefully, the association of neighboring forests decided that they were going to send in an intervention force to remove Loony by force if he refused to respect the will of the Great God Yallah and the animals of Smiling Forest. Their position was supported by the universal association of world animals and all forests across the world. Loony remained defiant, too scared to imagine himself as an ordinary fox again. “I will fight courageously, patriotically and win,” he cackled, trembling in fear, fear of being known for the coward he actually was. Loony transported his own family to safety in the distant forest of Miriki where he owned a multi-million dollar mansion and dug his heels in. He ordered the armed foxes to be in a heightened state of alert, threw off his flowing white robes, and now prowled angrily around within the walls of his palace in military fatigues to demonstrate his manliness.  As the sun set on the last day of Loony’s last year in power, the animals of Smiling Forest remained hostage to the evil greed of the mad fox. Across the once peaceful Forest, families worried and prayed for peace. They wondered just how Loony would get out of power, for that was the only option left to him. A few speculated that he would negotiate his way into exile in a distant forest. Most animals however, believed that Loony would not go voluntarily. They believed that the most likely end to the saga of the mad fox in power is that one, his own armed foxes would forcefully grab and drag him out of power, or two, that the association of neighboring foxes will send in troops that will forcefully flush him out by either capturing him alive or shooting him dead. Either way, it would be good riddance for the long-oppressed animals of Smiling Forest.