www.hotel-online.com/Neo/News/PR2002_2nd/Jun02_CEOnistas.html

Remaining U.S. CEOs Make a Break for It - Band of Roving 
Chief Executives Spotted Miles from Mexican Border 

San Antonio, Texas - June 27, 2002 — Unwilling to wait for their 
eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public U.S. 
companies made a break for it yesterday, heading for the Mexican 
border, plundering towns and villages along the way, and writing the 
entire rampage off as a marketing expense. 
“They came into my home, made me pay for my own TV, then double-booked 
the revenues,” said Rachel Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of El 
Paso. “Right in front of my daughters.” Calling themselves the 
CEOnistas, the chief executives were first spotted last night along the 
Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they bought each of the town’s 320 
residents by borrowing against pension fund gains. By late this 
morning, the CEOnistas had arbitrarily inflated Quemado’s population to 
960, and declared a 200 percent profit for the fiscal second quarter. 

This morning, the outlaws bought the city of Waco, transferred its 
underperforming areas to a private partnership, and sent a bill to 
California for $4.5 billion. Law enforcement officials and disgruntled 
shareholders riding posse were noticeably frustrated. 

“First of all, they’re very hard to find because they always stand 
behind their numbers, and the numbers keep shifting,” said posse 
spokesman Dean Levitt. “And every time we yell ‘Stop in the name of the 
shareholders!’, they refer us to investor relations.  I’ve been on the 
phone all damn morning.” 

“YOU’LL NEVER AUDIT ME ALIVE!” 

The pursuers said they have had some success, however, by preying on a 
common executive weakness.  “Last night we caught about 24 of them by 
disguising one of our female officers as a CNBC anchor,” said U.S. 
Border Patrol spokesperson Janet Lewis.  “It was like moths to a 
flame.” 
Also, teams of agents have been using high-powered listening devices to 
scan the plains for telltale sounds of the CEOnistas.  “Most of the 
time we just hear leaves rustling or cattle flicking their tails,” said 
Lewis, “but occasionally we’ll pick up someone saying, ‘I was totally 
out of the loop on that.’” 

While some stragglers are believed to have successfully crossed into 
Mexico, Cushing said the bulk of the CEOnistas have holed themselves up 
at the Alamo. “No, not the fort, the car rental place at the airport,” 
she said.  “They’re rotating all the tires on the minivans and 
accounting for each change as a sales event.”
 

Contact:

Hotel Online 
Richard L. Johnson 
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415-928-4586 


  
Also See Starwood Hotels Study Finds 43% of Execs Say Some of Their  
Biggest Deals Have Been Done on the Golf Course; And Not Surprising - 
82% Admit to Cheating on the Golf Course  / June 2002 www.hotel-
online.com/Neo/News/PR2002_2nd/Jun02_HOTGolf.html

[NB: this is from a genuine, (normally) serious, business-oriented site
which we use here at my day job covering the hotel industry; most of the
articles just reprint corporate press releases from hotel companies, but
today this showed up...
-Jay Dobkin]