Blocks to Faith
by Jean Porche
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It’s hard to have faith in the power of Love when we read the news at this time of history. So much evidence of pain, cruelty, illness, need - let’s call it all ‘un-love.’  There’s a lot of it going around, and all of us have probably heard more than one friend or co-worker wonder what God is about, letting such things go on.
 
At this time of year, I am reminded of my godmother - the woman who made every occasion of my childhood official.  Our favourite aunt, she and my uncle would come visiting, bustling in with gifts of candy or toys or her homemade fudge for birthdays, graduations, first communions and every holiday.  Christmas didn’t begin until she came through the door on Christmas Eve, bearing the huge three-layer coconut cake she made once each year, only for us at Christmas.  
 
When she got cancer, I was so sure God would heal her.  She had spent her life doing good, after all.  I prayed hard, confident that despite the increasingly dire news from the doctors, God would make a way.  
 
I remember asking a friend to pray for her.  After a moment of silence, my friend turned to me and said softly, ‘I think the answer is no this time, Jean.’  I refused to believe it, praying hard and railing against God when she did, indeed, pass away that summer.
 
We all experience or see things that make no sense, things that seem to be a violation of what is good and holy.  When our prayers and hopes and best efforts get the heavenly ‘Out to Lunch Please Call Again!’ sign, our disappointment and grief may take the form of anger with Creator, and we may turn from Creator.  Having lost our peace, it may feel as though we have lost our faith.
 
Mama used to say, ‘God has big shoulders,’ and I think she was right.  God knows what we may not: the disappointment that drives us into our dark cave of grief and pain is not a loss of faith but a time of coming to terms with a plan and order of life that we can’t foresee or, often, understand.  
 
Faith is what, finally, allows us to ease back into life, to ease back into a relationship with Creator and others that is unstained by tears.  Faith is not the absence of doubt or anger with God; it is the deep knowledge that despite whatever pains we suffer, God is there even when we have turned our back.  It is the knowledge that, when we are ready to turn around, loving arms are waiting to enfold us and dry our eyes, understanding our pain so completely that no apologies are needed.  Faith is realizing that God is, after all, Love.  




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