My wife saw me expressing all kinds of emotions in the
study...expressing deep pity at the subversive nihilism I see
constantly on Gambian websites. She looked at me with her beautiful
eyes and said, "Love, let the dead bury the dead...you belong to me,
right here in my bed."  I want to share some happiness and beauty
because my generous heart can't resist to always remind myself of how
lucky I am to be with such a loving woman.Read what she wrote about
herself...Chei!!!
*************

I was in conversation with a person once who asked me a very simple
question with profound, insight: "If your soul had a color, what
color would it be?" I quickly responded with a smile, "Sun yellow!"
And my spirit danced back then to this color, with my brass-colored
curly crown of short-cropped hair and my warm glowing brown
skin…nature, natural, warm and free like the sun. Over the years, I
often ask this question to my friends, strangers and teens; I often
ask myself just to gauge my spirit. I believe today if my soul had a
color, it would be blue-not just any color blue, but the color blue
of the vase on the ledge of my window. It is a glass-clear, deep,
warm blue.

I believe I am a free spirit that sometimes wanders into oppressive
territory just to observe the view and gain wisdom from the
experience. I feel transparent, at times- vulnerable. I have never
felt more primary, yet become more all encompassing. I have never
felt more complex yet found such peace in simple things. I view
myself as friendly and slightly shy. I am selective with whom I allow
to really get to know me, although I am very accepting and inviting
toward others. Because of this, sometimes I feel like a counselor who
has no counsel.  I am sometimes tired as hell of the world outside my
home, the violence, the cruelty. At other times, I couldn’t be more
blessed by the kindness of strangers.
Personally, I don’t desire to be personal these days. This is my
greatest weakness and strength lately. I am coming face to face with
my own paradoxes and trying to find a way to embrace and accept all
of me and continue to forgive others who can’t seem to do the
same-accept themselves or forgive others. I also view myself as
different, eclectic. It’s not that I feel special or singled out, I
just listen to conversations of some and watch the actions of others
and know I fall somewhere outside of the norm. I have also witnessed
others who seem to be somewhere outside with me, because of this I
never feel alone- just a member of another minority group that likes
to question reality. I feel very blessed, and I don’t know why- why
me, that is, or exactly what is the cost of this responsibility?
I have already accomplished many of my dreams. I view myself as
successful in spite of myself, not because of myself. However,
because I am always setting new goals, I have a long way to go in
terms of accomplishment. In a dream, I once saw myself running with a
little dog on a beach shore, flying a kite and looking back towards a
man standing outside of a beautiful beach house. The man was smiling
at me. I felt love for him and I knew him. I see this dream becoming
reality.
 I aspire to become a Life Coach/Leader, a speaker/lecturer and a
writer exploring more ways to help others accept themselves. Today,
I’ll work at finding my own center…

Clarissa Middleton-Giallo



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