Dear Friend,
Join the club I was once call "jack of all trade master of none". I think
all of us do exhibit a little of each trade, only the genius among us like
you see the total picture.To tell you the truth with that kind of trush on
issues i cant but say hmmm "hope". Thanks for your indeept contributions.
                     karl


>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>Date: Mon, 2 Oct 2000 13:34:03 GMT
>
>Karl,
>
>I really dont't know.  To give it my best shot, I think I exhibit a little
>bit of each scenario.  But I'm definite that I can't be categorized or
>associated with one extreme ONLY.  That's my best answer.
>
>ET TU?
>
>>From: kalilu camara <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
>><[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 03:55:43 GMT
>>
>>Mr. Elow,
>>Of all these what are you?
>>                    kalilu
>>
>>>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]>
>>>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
>>><[log in to unmask]>
>>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>>Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>>>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT
>>>
>>>This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman.
>>>The
>>>human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company.  After
>>>reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst.
>>>What
>>>do you think?
>>>
>>>
>>>THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!!
>>>
>>>© R&R Productions,
>>>"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People
>>>at
>>>Their Worst", McGraw Hill.
>>>
>>>
>>>Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that
>>>what
>>>they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme,
>>>and
>>>therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or
>>>thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people.
>>>
>>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’:
>>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’
>>>others
>>>appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking
>>>too
>>>long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior
>>>becomes
>>>more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the
>>>Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All.
>>>
>>>
>>>THE TANK
>>>On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right
>>>over
>>>you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet
>>>the
>>>irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way.
>>>In
>>>an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank
>>>behavior
>>>ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression.
>>>
>>>THE SNIPER
>>>A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their
>>>satisfaction,
>>>the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation.
>>>Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use
>>>to
>>>their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at
>>>times
>>>when you are most vulnerable.
>>>
>>>THE KNOW-IT-ALL
>>>The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation
>>>with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding
>>>flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know
>>>-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn
>>>down
>>>quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up.
>>>
>>>_________________________________________________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’:
>>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’
>>>everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To
>>>add
>>>insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly
>>>fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When
>>>sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly
>>>pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person,
>>>and
>>>the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THE WHINER
>>>In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless
>>>to
>>>create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around
>>>what
>>>can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the
>>>feeling
>>>of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as
>>>evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine:
>>>“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course,
>>>serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating
>>>situation
>>>provokes further whining.
>>>
>>>NO PERSON
>>>Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in
>>>the
>>>face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless.
>>>Certain
>>>that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about
>>>letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't
>>>work
>>>then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you
>>>different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause."
>>>This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of
>>>despair.
>>>
>>>NOTHING PERSON
>>>When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection,
>>>some
>>>people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may
>>>be
>>>one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’:
>>>“Fine!
>>>Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From
>>>that
>>>point on, they do and say...Nothing.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS:
>>>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with
>>>people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take
>>>reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes
>>>increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval.
>>>The
>>>three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes
>>>and
>>>Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THE NOTHING PERSON
>>>Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels
>>>at
>>>tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say
>>>anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time.
>>>This,
>>>in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting
>>>someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a
>>>perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing
>>>Person
>>>can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really
>>>‘Get
>>>Along’ with anyone.
>>>
>>>THE YES PERSON
>>>Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please
>>>everyone
>>>else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually
>>>thinking
>>>about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow
>>>through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and
>>>to
>>>the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over
>>>promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or
>>>she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where
>>>the
>>>promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because
>>>all
>>>their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This
>>>produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and
>>>can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.
>>>
>>>THE MAYBE PERSON
>>>The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the
>>>wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who
>>>would
>>>be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge
>>>until
>>>someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all
>>>the
>>>other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is
>>>intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the
>>>Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE:
>>>Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’
>>>from
>>>people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the
>>>reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be
>>>taken
>>>personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct
>>>proportion
>>>to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly
>>>aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting
>>>behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are
>>>the
>>>Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>GRENADE BEHAVIOR
>>>They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any
>>>respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening.
>>>Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody
>>>around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@#
>>>I
>>>don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for
>>>me!
>>>KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since
>>>this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the
>>>Grenade
>>>is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1
>>>
>>>THE FRIENDLY SNIPER
>>>This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of
>>>attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an
>>>exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping.
>>>Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of
>>>offending,
>>>a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the
>>>receiving
>>>end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be
>>>laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the
>>>inside.
>>>
>>>THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR
>>>The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths,
>>>jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and
>>>enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and
>>>mislead
>>>an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue
>>>with
>>>them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back
>>>down till you look as foolish as they do.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>TO SUMMARIZE:
>>>* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is
>>>thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls.
>>>
>>>* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’
>>>is
>>>thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing
>>>people.
>>>
>>>* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’
>>>is
>>>thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing
>>>people.
>>>
>>>* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get
>>>Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades,
>>>Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers.
>>>
>>>As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people
>>>can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted,
>>>you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be
>>>surprised,
>>>since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who
>>>hasn’t
>>>whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their
>>>true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly
>>>accused
>>>or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult
>>>people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or
>>>recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that
>>>these
>>>behaviors are observable and changeable.
>>>
>>>The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s
>>>perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they
>>>think
>>>is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based
>>>on
>>>your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome,
>>>either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with
>>>people
>>>at their worst is, in large measure, up to you.
>>>
>>>The Lens of Understanding...
>>>
>>>
>>>Posted by Essa.
>>>
>>>_________________________________________________________________________
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