Mr. Elow,
Of all these what are you?
                    kalilu

>From: Elow Wole <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!
>Date: Fri, 29 Sep 2000 19:09:07 GMT
>
>This phrase was first used by a very famous economist, Milton Friedman.
>The
>human scenarios below were written by The McGraw-Hill Company.  After
>reading the excerpt, I thought we've got a lot of Snipers in our midst.
>What
>do you think?
>
>
>THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!!!
>
>© R&R Productions,
>"Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People
>at
>Their Worst", McGraw Hill.
>
>
>Once someone determines that what they want is NOT happening, or that what
>they don’t want IS happening, his or her behavior becomes more extreme, and
>therefore less tolerable to others. We now can observe how threatened or
>thwarted positive intentions lead to the behaviors of difficult people.
>
>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT DONE’:
>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Done,’ others
>appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too
>long. The intent increases in intensity, and the subsequent behavior
>becomes
>more controlling. The three most difficult controlling behaviors are the
>Tank, Sniper, and Know-It-All.
>
>
>THE TANK
>On a mission, unable to slow down, pushing you around or running right over
>you, the Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally. Yet
>the
>irony is... it's nothing personal. You just happened to get in the way. In
>an effort to control the process and accomplish the mission, Tank behavior
>ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression.
>
>THE SNIPER
>A sneakier strategy when things aren't getting done to their satisfaction,
>the Sniper attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation.
>Most people live in fear of public embarrassment, a fact that Snipers use
>to
>their advantage, by making loaded statements and sarcastic comments at
>times
>when you are most vulnerable.
>
>THE KNOW-IT-ALL
>The Know-It-All controls people and events by dominating the conversation
>with lengthy, imperious arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding
>flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Because the Know
>-It-All is actually knowledgeable and competent, most people are worn down
>quickly by this strategy, and finally just give up.
>
>_________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET IT RIGHT’:
>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get It Right,’
>everything around this person begins to seem haphazard and careless. To add
>insult to injury, people seem to address these concerns with horrifyingly
>fuzzy words, like ‘pretty much,’ and ‘roughly,’ and ‘probably.’ When
>sufficient intensity is reached, the behavior becomes increasingly
>pessimistic and perfectionistic. The Constant Complainer, the No-Person,
>and
>the Nothing-Person, all exemplify this kind of behavior.
>
>
>
>THE WHINER
>In our imperfect world, the Whiner believes that he or she is powerless to
>create change. Burdened and overwhelmed by all the uncertainty around what
>can go wrong, they abandon all thought of solutions. Instead, as the
>feeling
>of helplessness increases, they focus on any problems that can be used as
>evidence for their massive generalization. They begin to whine:
>“Ooooooooo....nothing is right. Everything is wroooong.” This, of course,
>serves only to drive everybody else crazy, and the deteriorating situation
>provokes further whining.
>
>NO PERSON
>Unlike the Constant Complainer, the No Person does not feel helpless in the
>face of things going wrong. Instead, the No Person becomes hopeless.
>Certain
>that what is wrong will never be set right, they have no inhibition about
>letting others know how they feel: "Forget it, we tried that, it didn't
>work
>then, it won't work now, and you're kidding yourself if anyone tells you
>different. Give up and save yourself from wasted effort on a lost cause."
>This gravity well pulls others into the No Person's personal pit of
>despair.
>
>NOTHING PERSON
>When events fail to meet to measure up to the standard of perfection, some
>people get so totally frustrated that they withdraw completely. There may
>be
>one last shout at the powers that be for failing to ‘Get It Right’: “Fine!
>Do it your way. Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work out!” From that
>point on, they do and say...Nothing.
>
>
>
>THREATENED INTENT TO ‘GET ALONG’ WITH OTHERS:
>Through the distorted lens of the thwarted intent to ‘Get Along’ with
>people, uncertainty about how others feel about them leads them to take
>reactions, comments and facial expressions personally. Behavior becomes
>increasingly geared towards gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The
>three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the wishy-washy Yes and
>Maybe People and the passive Nothing Person.
>
>
>
>THE NOTHING PERSON
>Timid, uncomfortable and uncertain, the ‘Get Along’ Nothing Person excels
>at
>tongue biting. Since they don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say
>anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time.
>This,
>in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting
>someone else's feelings. and to keep from angering anyone. It's almost a
>perfect plan, but there is a fly in the ointment. Since the Nothing Person
>can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really ‘Get
>Along’ with anyone.
>
>THE YES PERSON
>Yes People seek approval and avoid disapproval by trying to please everyone
>else. The Yes Person answers yes to every request, without actually
>thinking
>about what is being promised or the consequences of failing to follow
>through. “Sure,” says the Yes Person. And to the next request, “Ok,” and to
>the next request...“Of course.” Before long, the Yes Person has over
>promised and under delivered to such an extent that the very people he or
>she wanted to ‘Get Along’ with are furious. In the rare instance where the
>promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer their own, because
>all
>their choices are made around everyone else's needs and demands. This
>produces in the Yes Person a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment, and
>can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.
>
>THE MAYBE PERSON
>The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the
>wrong choice might upset someone, or something could go wrong and who would
>be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle and hedge until
>someone else makes the decision or the decision makes itself. Like all the
>other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it is
>intended to solve, by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the
>Maybe person is locked out from meaningful relationships with others.
>
>
>
>
>THREATENED INTENT TO GET APPRECIATED BY PEOPLE:
>Through the distorted lens of a thwarted intent to ‘Get Appreciation’ from
>people, the lack of positive feedback combines in their mind with the
>reactions, comments and facial expressions of others, and tend to be taken
>personally. The intent to Get Appreciation’ intensifies in direct
>proportion
>to the lack of appreciative feedback, and behavior becomes increasingly
>aimed at getting attention. The three most difficult attention getting
>behaviors that result from the thwarted desire to get appreciation are the
>Grenade, The Sniper and The Think-They-Know-It-All.
>
>
>
>GRENADE BEHAVIOR
>They say they don’t get any appreciation and they’re not getting any
>respect. When the the silence and lack of appreciation becomes deafening.
>Look out for the Grenade: The adult temper tantrum. “KABOOM!!@#$* Nobody
>around here cares! That's the problem with the world today, KAPOW *%^&@# I
>don't know why I even bother! No one appreciates just how hard it is for
>me!
>KATUNG&%$#*, etc.” Ranting and raving are difficult to ignore. But since
>this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the
>Grenade
>is ever more likely to blow up at the next ‘provocation.’1
>
>THE FRIENDLY SNIPER
>This Sniper actually likes you, and their sniping is a ‘fun way’ of
>attention. “I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an
>exception.” Many people have relationships that include playful sniping.
>Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of offending,
>a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the
>receiving
>end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, they may be
>laughing on the outside while bleeding from an emotional wound on the
>inside.
>
>THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL BEHAVIOR
>The Think-They -Know -It- All, a specialist in exaggeration, half truths,
>jargon, useless advice and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and
>enthusiastic, this desperate-for-attention person can persuade and mislead
>an entire group of naive people into serious difficulties. If you argue
>with
>them, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back
>down till you look as foolish as they do.
>
>
>
>
>TO SUMMARIZE:
>* Behavior becomes more controlling when the intent to ‘Get It Done’ is
>thwarted, leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and Know-It-Alls.
>
>* Behavior becomes more perfectionist when the intent to ‘Get It Right’ is
>thwarted, leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing people.
>
>* Behavior becomes more approval seeking when the intent to ‘Get Along’ is
>thwarted, leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing
>people.
>
>* Behavior becomes more attention-getting when the intent to ‘Get
>Appreciation’ is thwarted, leading people to become Grenades,
>Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers.
>
>As you read these descriptions of the 10 difficult behaviors that people
>can’t stand, perhaps you noticed that, when your intentions are thwarted,
>you occasionally become some of these people too. We wouldn’t be surprised,
>since everybody is somebody’s difficult person some of the time. Who hasn’t
>whined, complained, become hopeless, exaggerated a story, with-held their
>true feelings, procrastinated a decision, lost their temper, loudly accused
>or withdrawn completely? The difference between you and your difficult
>people in this regard may be a matter of degree and frequency, or
>recognition and responsibility. But the essential point here is that these
>behaviors are observable and changeable.
>
>The behavior of the person you can’t stand is determined by that person’s
>perception of what they think is going on as it relates to what they think
>is important. Their behavior interacts with your behavior, which is based
>on
>your own perception of these same variables. This produces an outcome,
>either randomly or intentionally. The results of your dealings with people
>at their worst is, in large measure, up to you.
>
>The Lens of Understanding...
>
>
>Posted by Essa.
>
>_________________________________________________________________________
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